Past Masters - the Archives

Week 75 - week ending 28 March 2000

I was very tempted by some entries, but in the end, give this one to Dangerous Dan (I like that name too - great comic book character from ages ago).

This weeks picture was found on The JenniArchives site.

"Damn, I have to tighten up my ear again!"

Other Entries

nashtbrutusandshort -

The first thing a tobacco chewer learns is to move telephones and such out of the way before hocking a wad into the nearest convenient receptacle.

"Well, the voices in my head told me to call you, so let me put them on."

While the rest of her plays Microsoft Solitaire, Jennifer's frontal lobe is interviewed by Larry King.

Thomas S. - "...and Your headache is away!!"

Dean T. - "Hmmmm...this ear vibrator is VERY stimulating."

Whippet63 - Unable to get on the air with him at 1-800-44-STERN.......Jennifer attempts to mind meld with Howard Stern's penis.

KayeAnne -

Jenni tries out her new head-phone.

"If I hear 'Please Hold' one more time, This phone is going through the wall."

Jenni temporarilly confuses her phone with her headache massage wand.

"Hmmmmmm, is this really as attractive a fashion accessory as Geoff says it is?"

Dangerous Dan -

"The old 'Crazy glue on the phone trick', ehhhh?, I think someone is going to die."

Jenni talks on the "psychic friends network" (Telepathically)

"This phone has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funkinwagner's porch since noon this morning... No one knows the contents of this phone! Except you, almighty Karnak."

"A dead car battery, no trip to Philly, and now Pistachio 'marks' the phone! Can it get any worse?"

"What the hell did Pistachio do on the reciever! What a smell!"

Mr Cool -

Jenni tries out her new Psychic phone.

Jenni plays with her new Hi-tech powered I.Q. tweaker.

Michael K. - "Damn, this Psychic connection does not work!"

pizzaguy -

Unable to make it to his office, Jenni calls in for her hypno-therapy session.

"I never knew phone sex was so BORING!"

"They did it! They finally sucked out her brain through the phone!"

"I bet they have alot of fun figuring out a caption for this pic!"

" Hello? Psychic Friends Network?"

"What do you mean you can hear yourself and it sounds like a big empty room?!"

Gregory P. - Jenni thinking to herself, "Who cares if I vote for Bush or Gore, the question is which one subscribes to Jenni-Cam!"

Justin M. - "Maybe if I put the phone mic here the metal plate could cause feedback. Hhhmmm."

Mark E. -

"mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm"

Too much novacane at the dentist results in a numb Jenni head.

Moonlighting on a porno site, Jenni becomes confused when asked to "Give me some head over the phone"

"Now, receive my thought transmission."

Nolnose777 - "So, you're saying by holding the phone up to my head I can permanently cure my brain drain problem?"

Brett B. - "Spree, I am not letting you out of my mouth until you get all my teeth clean. And don't forget to remove that piece of hair between my upper molars."

kwigley - "Yea Sure you will...."

Louis C. - "Oh, so you think you can read my mind, huh? Well read THIS!!! "

grnbrg - "Tormented by the death of her car in the mission over Mucho Grande, Jennifer soon developed a phoning problem..."

Charles C. - "Now talk with my brain,while the rest of me takes a quick nap."

Mike H. - Jenni experiments with her new idea of downloading her brain!

Generik -

"Y'know... I'm wondering if it isn't time to get a cordless massager..."

"Your call is important to us... please hold, and your call will be answered in the order in which it was received... your call will be answered in approximately *EIGHT DAYS* *SEVEN HOURS* and *TWENTY NINE MINUTES*."

Jennifer wonders if the tin foil hat trick would help shield her from the strange messages the CIA has been sending her through the wrong end of the telephone, or if that would only play into their hands.

While being polled on the subject, Jennifer realizes that she really hasn't made up her mind which side of the "Spit or Swallow" controversy she's on.

"Mrin Malmer mim a cam? Uh uh. He'm im my mouf."

"Yes," Jennifer thinks, "my refrigerator IS running. In fact, it's out running a 10K right now. Wonder if this fellow would like to hold..."

Polite telephone users move the receiver out of the way when they spit their tobacco juice, not only to avoid getting any on the microphone, but also to shield the party at the other end from the often-unpleasant sound it makes.

Larry - "Some people just can't talk and chew gum at the same time."

amycamus -

"...oh, and Jenni, remember to floss, dear. I didn't see you floss at ALL last week. You know what happened to your father's teeth from not flossing. And why don't you call more often? A GOOD daughter would make more of an effort to stay in touch with her mother. Oh, and another thing..."

"...and what's more, if you change your long distance plan now, we'll give you an extra 6 months at just 7 cents a minute anytime. Certain restrictions apply, of course, but we're sure that our plan will beat any plan your current long distance carrier provides, and what's more..."

tazy - "Oh, thats NOT what you meant by 'Please speak up a little'?".