Past Masters - the Archives

Week 77 - week ending 25 April 2000

This weeks picture was found on Jennifers' Gallery.

"What -- did you think my hair was this color naturally?"

Other Entries

Thomas S. - "This new method for lip colouring (on a real vegetable basis!) works faster but not so exact as a lip stic."

Generik -

Campbell's newest advertising tag-line, "Blood of the Infidel is good food," just wasn't reaching the right demographic somehow, and sales were much lower than expected.

"Oh, go ahead. It's very tasty with the fried placenta."

"But Jennifer... Soylent Orange is... PEOPLE!!" "Yeah. I got Carrot Top right here, and *damn* he's tasty!"

Jennifer Ringley stars in the new blockbuster surprise of the season, The Linda Blair Witch Project.

"I don't think it's supposed to be THIS color..." Tonight, a hip young urbanite has a rare disease, on "My Analysis, Urinalysis," only on Fox!

"Virgin's blood? You're soaking in it."

"Can I offer you a nice cup of hot chili oil?"

"I'm dyeing my eggs for Easter... from the inside."

There's Something Bloody About Mary.

Dangerous Dan -

"If you drink enough of this stuff, it is supposed to turn your hair red, but I don't beleive it."

"Where is that limp snake from the snake charming kit gone to? I've got his Viagra!"

"Whooooo, if you drink this stuff, words just kinkda float in the air! FAR OUT DUDE!"

"HAY ya get what ya pay for! If you want your forture told from a crystal ball, go down the road! If you want it told in this cup of tempra paint at half the cost, sit down and shut up!"

"Did I mis-read that book on 'How palms are *READ* and how to interpret *tea* leaves'?"

"Now that I have RED your tea leaves, would you like to have your palm RED too?"

KayeAnne -

Jenni's red hair secrets revealed!

"You wouldn't believe how good this stuff is with a shot of vodka!"

Jenni seems puzzled that her morning cup of coffee doesn't seem to be working...

"Cup o' lipstick, anyone?"

Jenni practices her "Please, sir, I want some more" for the Oliver! auditions.

Jenni finds that extended sleep deprivation tends to make for some interesting food cravings...

Jenni downs cup after cup of carrot juice in an attempt to be the first person in the world to pee orange.

nashtbrutusandbrutus -

"Take this, brother; may it serve you well." Number 9. . . number 9. . . number 9. . .

"I figure if I drink enough of this stuff, I'll have no problem with the eye test portion of my driver's license exam. And of course, the radish juice will help with the parallel parking."

Inadvertently confusing the Instant Cup o' Soup with the home pregnancy test, Jennifer comes to believe she is with child when in fact she is merely quick, convenient and vitamin-rich.

Gregory P. -

"Who switched the easter egg dye with the carrot juice!?"

"Now see, that wasn't so bad. Now it's your turn to drink it all up!"

Bryan D. -

"My beverage has a first name, it's C-A-R-O-T, my beverage has a second name it's J-U-I-C-E"

Jenni, wanting to appeal more to the night-time viewers, drinks the blood.

"Day 25: Still trapped on this bed in the middle of nowhere. Yesterday, I swear I saw a puttytat. NO I DID, I DID SEE A PUTTYTAT"

Being a web-mistress takes a lot out of you physically. So, to refill all the needed vitamins, do as Jenni does.....

"Is she flipping us off?......twice?"

"I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, you can't prove anything!"

Jenni, while drinking carrot juice, notices for the first time.....a camera!

Mike H. -

"Why didn't I get a callback. I would be the perfect spokesperson for Campbell's soup - M'm m'm good!!!"

"Oh, man - I could'a had a V-8 !"

JooJooEyeball - "A little carrot juice... and Voila! Instant clown make-up!"

Ron H. - "Okay, who put my tangerine-flavored vibrator lube in the herbal tea ???"

Charles F. - "Someone told me that carrots makes rabbits want to do the nasty all the time. It is also known that carrots are good for your eyes. Come here you near sighted bunny boy. I got some juice for you."

Perfgeek -

Jenni decides being asked by the doctor to show a sample takes the gee wizz out of telemedicine...

"Last night he took me on a passion-filled trip to the moon; this morning, all I've got left is the tang."

tazy - Still suffering from her restless vegan period, Jennifer the Vegetarian Vampire arose from her crypt to find..... *someone* had consumed most of her carrot juice!" .