Past Masters - the Archives

Number 81 - week ending 4 July 2000

So, having got that bit out of the way, the usual apology regarding my lateness is offered (I *do* mean it when I say this is not the best time of year for fee time!), and without further ado I announce this numbers winner... Jennifan-tastic. How many things doyou know successfully put back together with a small bit of gum?

This weeks picture was submitted by Menno.

"I'll just use this gum to stick the leg back on and maybe the kid won't notice."

Other Entries

James B. - "Come here you little 'Princess'! I'll teach you to steal the spotlight from me!
(And what the doll is thinking)"NO NO!! Don't hurt me!!"

Dangerous Dan -

"Maybe it is time to get a boob job..."

"I Swear I am going to sue the pants off of that quack plastic surgeon! JUST LOOK AT THIS BOOB JOB! They don't even match!"

The evil hand sneaks up on Barbie and .... AGHHHHHH!

Jennie studies for her distance learning course in VOO-DOO

Louie S. - Jen carefully checks out her first merchandising item: Barbie's New Web Friend Jenni!

Jeremy J. - "This Spacey Barbie is such a pretty little bitch.  Maybe if I pull every single hair out, she won't be so damned cute."

JoeCrow -

Jenni would spend hours with her Pam Anderson Voodoo Doll, giving her migraines, cramps, ear infections and sometimes just a bad-hair day.

The Malibu Barbie Dildo didn't sell as well as many marketers had predicted

Robert P. - "Yes, fairy god mother, I'd like a fancy dress and glass slippers and... oh, who am I kidding? I never wear anything anyway."

Jordan S. - "Ugh... this headache is the worst. Wait a minute, what's this pin doing here?"

Eryk M. - Seconds before last weeks caption contest and with pin in hand: "voodoo....like yeah, right.."

nashtbrutusandshort -

Jennifer sticks pins in the Barbie boll; meanwhile, a thousand miles away, Britney Spears screams in agony. Believe it . . . or not.

Knowing that her baby brother has outgrown his Tickle Me Elmo, Jennifer decides it's time he moved up to bigger game and buys him a Fondle Me Barbie.

Jennifer inspects the prototypes for the first line of Jennicam action figures: "I like what they did with my bustline, but the Moulin Rouge headgear has gotta go."

Keith H. - "I can't believe that pink dye washed out of Mini-Me's hair so fast."

Generik -

"Yes, Babara, it's just a little something I picked up in New Orleans some time back... Tell me, does that hurt? Does THAT hurt? How about... THAT?"

Jennifer's Tonya Harding doll has a problem leaving "evidence" behind her... potentially incriminating evidence...

Magic Sparkle Barbie comes complete with both auditory and visual hallucinations, but the LSD is sold separately.

"Yeah, it is probably the strangest toilet brush I've ever seen, but for ninety-nine cents, I figured, 'What the hell?'"

"I don't think Rogaine is right for you, honey. Let me call Sy Sperling and see if there's a Hair Club for Barbie."

"But... how did G.I. Joe's belt buckle get caught in your *hair*?"

trostaz66 -

"I am Zabrina from planet Kalzibar. I have received your transmissions and have come to meet you. By the way, what do you think of my accessories?"

"...and for best results, the wand must be star side out and above the head. I shall demonstrate with this holographic SIM."

"Please don't turn my cam into a frog."

"Okay, I get it. I rub your hair for a wish."

"Good fairy, nice fairy..."

A. Farr - "And I thought dyeing the tips of my hair was hard."

Perfgeek -

"I hate her.... I hate her not."

"Well doctor, in my dream I'm 50 feet tall, and I grab the prom queen and crush her head like this..."

Jenni puts the final coif on the prototype for Webmistress Jenni, her diabilical scheme to put doll-disguised webcams in every small child's room.

In a subtle but scathing statement, Jenni puts the finishing touches on the prize for the winner of this week's caption contest.

Jennifan-tastic -

"Steal Ken from me will ya? We'll see how you like when I stick this pin in the eye of thishere, 'Barbie voodo doll'!!"

"Look I said I was sorry. Just take the damn pill and you'll be full size again in no time."

Sean McN. - Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the Toy Store. We bring you the "Jenni Doll"

Jeff - Jenni shoves a pin into the doll, and at the same time Carmen Electra feels a sharp pain in her butt.

Michael S. - "Doll.....must.....have.....pink.....tips......"

tazy - "Yes, MiniMe, I'm going to steal his Mojo."