Past Masters - the Archives

Number 87 - week ending 6 February, 2001

This numbers picture was sent by Zaphod Beeblebrox.

Will portray Sideshow Bob in the first live-action Simpsons motion picture.

Other Entries

David C. - "This is the last time I let Uri Geller was my hair."

Bob S. -

"Hey Dex -- do you think that last twist was too much?"

"Wow, there is three more pets I can keep!"

Gowest -

Cherry Stem tying 101

"Just a pinch between the cheek and gums ummm much better that Marlboro."

teambanzai - It is said that even a girl who says her prayers at night can become a were-Shirley Temple when the moon is full and the Shirley Temple bane blooms.

Scott W. -

Jennifer stopped practicing the guitar and went to answer the doorbell. But before her visitor could even say "Good afternoon, ma'am, do ya have a moment to talk about tha Lord?" he had turned to stone.

"Dear Diary: My third straight day of 'round the clock preparations runs into major obstacles. Can NOT get these curls the way I want them. On top of that, stupid California power crisis blacked me out for FOUR hours, making further use of curling iron impossible. Had to use a piece of rebar heated over a votive candle instead. Only six more days 'til the prom - EEK!!"

.oO("Jennifer RINGLET"?! Where does he get off, calling me that?! Ha! I'll show HIM!)

Neoknight - "What do you mean, I'm no Bob Marley? I -am- reggae!!"

questor - "Starring Mary Jo Buttafucco as Medusa"

Beedo - Much rarer and more dangerous than the Australian blue-ringed octopus, the Botany Bay coiffure octopus latches on to people's heads and sucks out their brains.

nbutlerdidit - "Huh? Whuzzat? Man, I'd SWEAR that damn guitar is talkin' to me again."

JoeCrow - Maybe splicing Marty Feldman and Medusa's genes wasn't such a good idea after all.

Generik -

Jennifer can't decide whether to go to the costume party as Shirley Temple or Medusa.

"I can see it up there, out of the corner of my eye... that ONE hair is always out of place! God, that bugs the heck out of me!"

"No, really, in California, it's *fashionable* to wear a dead octopus on your head."

President and founding member, Hair Club for Internet Celebrity Girls.

Curling her hair in the first place wasn't so difficult -- it was the little guys using the curls to bungee-jump from Jen's head that bothered her.

There was a little girl who had a little curl, right in the middle of her screengrab...

Flappersquirrel -

And here we see Sousa, Medusa's less popular sister, the sight of whom is known to cause random Monty Python quotes.

Unfortunately the fortress of Folliclude didn't quite provide the protection Lois Lane needed.

Jay S. -

"Maybe I can get that part in Annie."

"Cindy Brady you’re MY hero!!"

"Hey Dex, call Clarence Thomas and tell him their no longer short and curly."

Mr_Grant -

Best viewed reflected in the polished surface of a shield.

Botticelli's 'Vainus'

Curly Jen DeRita. "Woo woo woo woo! Nyuck nyuck nyuck!" *BOING*

There was a little girl
who had a little curl
right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good she was very very good
but when on camera she was naked.

A Jenni Haiku:
It's not those curlies
they stare at when she's in fla
grante delicto

MrBungle -

"o/ I'm gonna Rasta that man right outta my hair. Oh yes I'll Rasta that man right otta my hair! \o"

Jenni admitts that she's powerless over alcohol-free mouse and that her hair has become unmanageable.

nashtbrutusandshort -

"At last, my hair is perfect. Now to go stand naked on that clamshell and make VenusontheHalfShellcam a reality."

"Well, damn. They said that Prozac would help me with tress management, but so far, no luck."

"That's the last time I get hair care advice from Hasidim.com."

MrAtomik -

Medusa has a "bad Snake day"

Jenni's Super-Hero alter ego, Paranoia Girl: "I don't need to find criminals, they're all around me, watching me right now!"

"That spider has to have gone somewhere."

"... 29... 30... 31... 32, yup, still all there."

"... a little further... a little further... a little further and I'll be able to see my own brain."

Jenni is a TERRIBLE ventriloquist!

Tony Y. - 'One toke over the line, sweet Jesus' - An overabundance of THC in her system causes Jen's hair to spontaneously roll into dreadlocks.

AzDezine2 - "Jennie slowly morphing to resemble her present boyfriend. Next week: Facial hair."

dismask - "ahhhh the in style for spring 2001 Octopus hats.. "

Craig -

Suddenly, and without warning, Jenni's pet octopus attacked!

Without warning the gravity in Jenni's room multiplied by 5!

Wayne - "This is my Picasso look."

tazy - "Just washed my hair... and can't do a thing with it!"