America in Crisis

Keri Russell's Hair Held Hostage, Day 2
Written by: wwolfe

Disclaimer: This is not art - it's just plain silly. Oh, yeah - and I don't own these characters. I do, however, own a small llama named Bob. My motto is, "Alpaca for everybody!"

(We return from a commercial to see a darkened studio. In a far shot, we see the silhouette of Ted Koppel, seated behind his desk, captured in the thin white beam of a single spotlight. Slowly, the camera dollies in toward the desk, drawing nearer and nearer to the anchorman, until we see, in close-up, Koppel holding a pink lady's hand mirror in his left hand, while with his right he drapes his tie over his head, as if it were a lady's bonnet. He gazes longingly at his reflection in the mirror, as we hear him sing softly, "I'm poor little Buttercup, sweet little Buttercup..." - a reverie which is interrupted by the loud coughing of an off-camera crew member. Startled, Koppel puts down the hand mirror, straightens his tie, smooths his hair, and addresses the camera in his usual stentorian tones.)

Ted Koppel: (Professional-sounding, but with a crazed look in his eye) The purpose of a man is to love a woman. And the purpose of a woman is to love a man. So come on, baby, let's start today. Come on, baby, let's play...

(Nervous throat clearing from offscreen personnel. A pause, and then...)

Ted Koppel: The Game of Love! Love! La-la-la-la-la-love!

(The screen suddenly goes to black, followed by a "Technical Difficulties" message. The pompous "Nightline" music plays, but not quite loud enough to drown out the crazed singing of Koppel: "The game of love, baby! The game of la-la-la-la-love!!" Fade out.)

The End

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