The Mutilation Series: Buffy Season 4, Episode 1


Prologue

Written by: Loveless

Disclaimer: It is very strange that I don't own the characters. It is also very unfair. I intend to write a very angry letter.

Dedication: To Misty. You wanted a professor, here he is. To all the cheeky monkeys in the world, one in particular. To Nyx, Board Momma, Susan and all the other people who bothered to give me feedback. :) Yay for you!

Author's note: This takes place after "Angel : Episode One", the transcript that I wrote.


Scene : College

Willow: I am so excited! College begins, and a new adventure awaits!

Buffy: Hear my very enthusiastic "Yay" .

Willow: Are you still upset over your mother landing in the hospital?

Buffy: Yes, having your mother nearly killed by a psycho vampire really puts a bummer on my life.

Willow: How is she?

Buffy: She's recovering. The doctor's can't believe this woman actually fell on a barbecue fork. For the second time.

Xander: Still using that story, are we?

Buffy: Look, I was tired, my mother was dying, I was hungry, and I was thinking sausages in a nice toasty barbecue, and then one thing led to another and that's the excuse I came up with.

Xander: You could have went with the rabid dog theory.

Buffy: Oh yeah, like they're going to buy that story. The barbecue fork thing really works. Did you know that 70% of accidents happen at home?

Xander: And strangely enough, 70% of those home accidents involve barbecue forks.

Emily: (jumping out of nowhere) So we meet again, Buffy and Willow and Xander!

Buffy: Yes, I noticed that.

Emily: I'm here to avenge my sister Jenny's death!

Willow: Oh, luckily you reminded us, because we kind of forgot after the twenty-seventh time you told us.

Emily: Aha, this is sarcasm, is it not?

Buffy: What are you doing here?

Emily: I'm here to avenge my sister's death! This is why I keep repeating myself. You people never listen.

Buffy: I meant in the college. Intruders are so not encouraged on campus.

Emily: Ah, but I am not an intruder. I am your new Resident Advisor. RA for short.

Buffy: My life just keeps getting better, and better . . .

Emily: Do you want to hear my plan on avenging my sister Jenny's death?

Buffy: Look, why aren't you on Angel's show? He killed your sister. Not Me. I'm the caring Slayer. I was visibly upset when Jenny died. So run along to Angel's show and bug him.

Emily: Quiet. I'll avenge my sister on whoever's show I want to.

Willow: Oh dear.

(A man approaches them)

Edward: Hello! I'm Professor Edward Hunky-Dorree, the new professor of Demonology.

Emily: Why, hello! I'm Emily Moon, Avenging Resident Advisor!

Willow: Good morning, Professor Hunky-Doree.

Edward: Call me Dr. Hunky.

Emily: Do you mind? I'm in a conversation here about avenging my sister.

Edward: I'm sorry. I'll see you guys later, if you take the Demonology course. (leaves)

Xander: I didn't know there was a demonology course.

Buffy: Apparently, Sunnydale's the best place to start one.

Emily: Back to me. In case you do not know, I am a Techno Pagan, like my dearly departed sister.

Willow: I'm a Wiccan.

Emily: Oh, really? Do you do the herbs and stuff?

Willow: Yeah, but not always. You see, there was this one time, when I was supposed to do the Rite of Tryt..

Buffy: Ahem.

Emily: Umm.. got sidetracked there. To avenge my sister Jenny's death, I'll torment Angel with memories of Jenny, driving him insane.

Buffy: Sorry, happened already.

Emily: What? When?

Buffy: In the episode "Amends". Sorry.

Emily: Great. You should tell me this things, PEOPLE! Luckily, I have something called Plan B.

Xander: And that is?

Emily: I'll get Buffy to wear a dress which will turn her into a naive and helpless girl, thus making her vulnerable and easy to finish off! Then I shall have my revenge!

Buffy: "Haloween".

Emily: What? Again? Oh what the hell, I'll summon a secret enemy that will destroy you all!

Buffy/Willow/Xander: Oh No!

Emily: Cliche and predictable, I know, but it's more fun than a barrel of cheeky monkeys!

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