"You know, whatever it is, however bad you think it is, you can tell me. I’m not going to desert you"…

*~*~*

"Sierra Oscar from 340"

"Go ahead Dave" came Sergeant Boyden’s reply

"Ambulance required at the Bagford Road Industrial Estate. IC One male, head injuries… it’s Sergeant Boulton"

"Are your sure about that 340?"

"Yes – signs of a struggle but he’s still breathing"

*~*~*

The sound of the phone ringing woke Claire early. She wasn’t due in til 10, and it was only 7am

"John, if this is you" she began, rolling over. "’Lo?"

"Claire, it’s Jack Meadows" Claire sat up

"Is everything OK sir?" she asked, concerned at why he would be ringing so early

"I need you in early. John was attacked last night at the Bagford Road Estate, he’s in hospital with serious head injuries, and Don has gone AWOL. Again"

"Oh my god" she cried, the tears welling in her eyes "Is he OK?"

"We’re not sure. The doctors have said he’s lucky to survive. I need you to get down there and wait for some news. I’m meeting with Guy Mannion to bring him up to speed"

"Yes Sir" she replied, throwing the phone down, dressing as fast as she could.

*~*~*

She sat in the waiting room at St Hugh’s, sick with worry. She couldn’t stop thinking about last night, when she had come so close to telling him the truth, clearing up this whole mess.

"Claire Stanton?" She stood up to greet the doctor

"Pleased to meet you, I’m Doctor Ryan" he introduced himself, shaking her hand

"Claire Stanton, I’m John’s… work colleague"

"’Course you are. Would you like to come in here so we can talk more privately"

She sat down in his office, ready to be hit with whatever news he had, good or bad.
"As you’re Inspector would have told you, John was attacked last night and as a result has suffered very serious head injuries. He’s conscious but he isn’t responding terribly well to tests, and hasn’t spoken a word. We’d like to you to go into his room and sit with him, to see if he’ll respond to someone he knows"

"Um sure" came her replied, not knowing what she might be facing

She entered the darkened room quietly, not wanting to disturb him if he was asleep. She stroked his hair lightly, kissing him softly on the forehead.

"John?" she asked as his eyes opened. Nothing could prepare her for what came next.

"Who are you?" he asked, looking at her blankly.

"John? It’s me Claire. You’re in hospital, you had… an accident last night, you’re at St Hugh’s and everything is fine"

"St Hugh’s?" he asked, confused. "Where am I? Why aren’t I in Liverpool?"
Doctor Ryan ran in

"Claire, I think its best for you to go outside now. I’ll come out and speak to you as soon as I can" he said, almost pushing her outside the door.

Claire stood there and watched the door. He doesn’t know who I am, she thought, after all the love we’ve shared, after last night, he’s forgotten who I am. She sat down on the seat, buried her head in her hands and cried. She didn’t see Jack walking towards her.

"Claire?" he asked, sitting down next to her and putting his arm around her. "Are you OK? What about John? Is everything alright?"

"He… he… he doesn’t know who I am" she sobbed

"Hey come on, he’s just been seriously injured. It might take him some time to come round"

"No, you don’t understand. John and I… we were in love; we were going to get married. And… and now he thinks he’s still in Liverpool."

Jack was taken aback. He knew that John left Liverpool when he was 18. Surely John wouldn’t have had some sort of amnesia to take him back to when he was a teenager…

*~*~*

"Tell me about yourself John"

"My name is John Anthony Boulton and I am 17 years old. I live in Liverpool with my mam and my… dad. Can you tell me why I’m in London for?"

"What makes you think you’re in London, John?"

"I can see the Big Ben outside the window, and that Ferris whe… what is that?"

"That’s the Millennium Wheel, John. Built to commemorate the Year 2000"

"What? What’s going on? Where’s my mam? Who was that Claire woman?"

"John, you were involved in an accident last night. You were beaten on the back of the head resulting in amnesia. It’s the 18th of October 2000 you are 36 years old, and you are a Detective Sergeant based at Sun Hill Police.

*~*~*

"Claire, would you be able to tell me a bit about your relationship with John?"

"We, um… we work together, we have for over a year, but we've been together um… for about 10 months"

"When did you last see him?"

"We were at home, um, his flat, when he got a phone call to go out. That was the last time I saw him. Why?"

"After a series of tests, we discovered that John is suffering a bout of severe amnesia. He thinks he's 17 years old and still living in Liverpool"

Claire looked blankly into space as the news sunk in, as Doctor Tyler's words became a fading memory.

"You know, whatever it is, however bad you think it is, you can tell me. I'm not going to desert you"

"What are the chances of him regaining him memory?" asked Jack, holding the inconsolable Claire in his arms.

"Well, it is possible, but it may take a while. I've seen some patients who only begin to recover after a year. But I have seen some who regain their memory after only a few months. Of course, we will have to monitor John closely, but his chances of a total recovery are quite high"

*~*~*

Claire picked up receiver, dropped some money into the slot and dialed the familiar number

"Superintendent Hodges"

"Gov, its Claire. You have to arrest Don Beech right now"

"Now, why? You haven't blown your cover have you?"

"No… he attacked John Boulton last night. He's in a very serious condition in St Hugh's, with severe amnesia" she informed him, tears welling in her eyes

"How do you know it was Don?"

"John got a phone call to meet him at the Bagford Road Industrial Estate. Uniform were called to a disturbance and that’s where they found him"

"You were with him last night weren't you"

Claire didn't know what to say

*~*~*

Claire sat in the waiting room of the hospital, alone and frightened. She stared at the ground; her feet crouched up to her chest, just watching all the feet running around the ward. She couldn't take it anymore; she had to see John. It didn't matter to her that he wouldn't know who she was, she just had to see his face again

"So you're Claire" came the familiar scouse, as she entered the room.

"What? Is that you John?"

"Yes…" John felt awkward, "I’m sorry."

"You’re sorry?" Claire repeated, "what for?"

"For not remembering."

"Ohhh... John its not your fault."

"Yeah well… I’m still sorry."

*~*~*

"You think this is a good idea?" Jack asked, Dr Ryan, as they walked in front of Claire and John, heading into the station.

"Yeah, it might help him remember a few things." The doctor replied.

"Ok," Jack said, he pulled open the station door and turned to look at John, "you ready?"

John looked at him. The man who says he’s his boss. John still couldn’t believe it. He wouldn’t become a copper he hated the police. He looked at Claire. He liked her. He couldn’t help it, it made him feel better that she wanted to help him. She told him about all the stuff they had done together but it just felt as though she was talking about someone else.

He followed Meadows into the station; he could see an officer sat at the desk, staring at him. John stared back, even though he couldn’t remember a thing about anything he wasn’t going to let people intimidate him.

"John, that’s Reg Hollis, you’ve worked with him for about 5 years," Claire said softly once she had noticed them having a staring match. "You remember him?"

John shook his head and then looked at her, "no."

"Come on, let's go up to CID," Jack suggested.

John stood at the bottom of the stairs and looked up. "No" he said, "I can't do this, I can't!" He ran back down to the front of the station and out of the door, Claire following close behind him. He collapsed on the bench outside the station and burst into tears.

"Hey John" she said, putting her arms around him. "It's Ok, I know this is going to be hard for you."

"They were all looking at me, I'm supposed to know who they are but… but I don't. I can't carry on like this"

"Hey, why don't I just take you home to our flat? I'll show you more photos, tell you more stories, it might make you feel a bit better."

"Ok" he replied "And Claire, thank you…"

"Hey, I love you John Boulton, no matter who you are, I want to do everything I can to make you remember again, so you can remember all the good times we shared together."

He leaned forward and gave her a hug, and, unknown to Claire, the soft whiff of vanilla triggered a memory of a walk in the park.

*~*~*

He fell onto the sand, struggling to grab his throat, but he was too strong and powerful. "I'm trying to save your life!"

"NO!!!" John called out, shaking in terror, twisting in his bed sheets. Claire ran into the room and dropped down next to the bed, nurturing him like a little boy.

"Hey John, it's ok, you just had a bad dream, it's ok now, I'm here"

"What happened? I was in the park, with you" he began, Claire smiling at the memory of their walks together.

"Then he lunged at me, someone, he said he was trying to save my life?"

"Do you remember where you were then?"

"I was on a pile of sand," he said, distantly, trying so hard to remember. "I don't think I liked him much, I was trying to throttle him"

"Hey, that's really good, we'll tell the doctor tomorrow" she said, stroking his head. "Do you think you'll be able to go back to sleep?"

"I'll try. Claire, will you stay with me tonight?"

"'Course I will sweetheart" she said, slipping in next to him. He picked up the photo of the two of them that they had kept next to the bed.

"Were we happy?" he asked her

"I'd never been so happy or so right about anything in my life"

"Why did it happen Claire? Why did someone who was supposed to be my best mate want to kill me?"

Claire felt that she had to tell him the truth. The only way for John to make a full recovery was for her to tell him the truth, right from the beginning. She didn’t care about Hodges or anyone else at CIB, John was her priority now, and no one, not Hodges, not anyone, could stand in the way of that.

*~*~*

"And so, that’s it… I’m so sorry I had to lie to you, that I had to keep this secret from you. There were so many times when I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want to hurt you, I thought all this would end quickly" She began to cry

"Hey Claire, it’s ok. I would’ve understood that you were only doing your job. He was supposed to be my best mate, and he was betraying me. I want to thank you for what you’ve done for me. I know it must be so hard for you to… to see me like this, me not knowing who you are or the love we shared, but you’ve stuck by me, and I’ll always remember that. I love you Claire"

*~*~*

John was on a downer the next day… he felt so ashamed that he couldn’t remember any of his colleagues, he was trying so hard but it just wasn’t working. He sat at home, Claire jogging his memory through the computer, and different world events that had happened when the doorbell rang.

"Rod!" exclaimed Claire, "What are you doing here?"

"I was talking to Duncan Lennox, he told me about what happened to John, I couldn’t believe it. Is he Ok?"

"He’s not too bad. He’s been having dreams of what happened, but I also feel that he may remember certain parts of our relationship. He’s taken me back into his life with such complete ease, and the doctor is saying that it’s a very good sign. He’s booked in for more tests next week, so we’ll see how they go. Please, come in, I’d like you to see him"

Rod stepped into the little apartment, and walked into the living room. John turned around to greet the visitor, and just stared at him.

"…Pratts in shorts kicking a ball about in front of pratts with scarves"

Claire looked at John. She could tell from the look in his hazel eyes that he remembered Rod. John stammered, trying to remember his name.

"Rod? That’s you innit?" Claire choked back the tears as she saw Rod’s eyes light up.

"John, you remember me?"

*~*~*

John’s test results were getting better as the weeks went on. Don had been caught at Heathrow Airport, ready to board a Qantas flight to Australia, and Claire had quit CIB to concentrate on looking after John. Everyone at Sun Hill did their best to help Claire out, by either bringing in photos for John, or just being there for her when the going got tough. Although John’s amnesia was still affecting him, he had found his love in Claire again. She crawled into bed that night, careful not to wake John up, slumbering by her side.

"Listen you stupid bastard - I’m trying to save your life! Don’t you understand!?"

John woke up with a start, sweating and shaking, his mind full of thoughts. Suddenly everything came back to him, growing up in Liverpool, moving to London, his training at Hendon and his work at Stafford Row and Sun Hill.

"Claire… Claire wake up" he urged her

"What is it John? Are you Ok?"

"I… I can remember everything; it’s all coming back to me now. My life, you, me, us, our rooftop, that stupid panto, everything!" he exclaimed

"Oh my god, John, you’re ok" the tears fell down her face. "You’re ok"

*~*~*

Nearly 3 months after the accident, John was given a clean bill of health. Claire fully explained to him after he was better about what happened, and her role in the case. It didn’t take John a second to tell her that it didn’t matter; it was all in the past. All that mattered now was that they were together.

She looked deep into those scouser eyes.