Going Home

By Coral

Mail Me ~ Story Index ~ JCUKjnr  

Disclaimer: All hail Paramount. I am but a poor servant toiling in their vineyards…

Notes: I don't even know what this is about. It's not really J/C; it's more Janeway/Naomi... not in that way! 

"Captain, it's Naomi," Naomi Wildman said, stepping into the Ready Room, hearing the doors sweep shut behind her. There was no answer; she hadn't expected one. Janeway had been especially listless these past few days, even the once inextinguishable light in her eyes having faded and died, replaced with only a dull look that broke Naomi's heart. "Lieutenant Kim says that we'll be orbiting Earth in one hour, I thought you'd like to know," Naomi informed her softly, sadness in her eyes at the lack of expression on Janeway's face. "We've contacted Starfleet Command. They can't wait to receive us. They're going to completely overhaul Voyager and send her out on another mission as soon as possible." Naomi's face brightened slightly. "I can't wait to see Earth, Captain. I bet you're glad that we've finally got home, right?"

Slowly, almost imperceptibly, Janeway nodded, a distant smile barely turning up the corners of her lips.

"That's what I thought!" Naomi said brightly. "Well, Captain, I suppose I'd better leave you now. I'll come and tell you when we achieve orbit." Briskly, she walked out of the Ready Room, shaking her nervousness away as she stepped onto the bridge the way she had so many times before.

"How is she?" Lieutenant Kim asked softly.

Captain Naomi Wildman sighed. "The same as usual. Listless."

Lieutenant Kim's face fell slightly. "I thought that maybe the news would cheer her up..." the lieutenant shrugged, brushing a piece of her long jet-black hair out of her face. "I guess not."

The turbolift doors opened, depositing the Chief Engineer on the bridge. She walked briskly across to the bridge engineering station, where she called up some schematics. "So, how's the Captain?" Lieutenant Paris asked, eyes intent on the diagrams of Voyager's EPS grid.

Naomi took the centre chair. "She's not improved. The Doctor said we weren't to get our hopes up, but..." The bridge officers shared a mirthless smile, all guilty of raising their hopes that the news about reaching Earth might have been able to raise the former Captain's spirits for once.

"I don't think she really understands what's going on," Lieutenant Paris remarked, rubbing a weary hand across her faint forehead ridges.

"Although The Doctor said that the only thing keeping her alive was herself," Anna Kim pointed out, clinging to the last shred of hope that she had. "Her determination to get Voyager back to Earth."

Captain Wildman went across to see what was frustrating Hasdarya at the Engineering station, commenting as she did so, "I think The Doctor may have been trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince us. He's very fond of her... he was fond of all the crew. See, this is the problem, Hasdarya. The flow's being blocked by this repair here."

"Thanks," Hasdarya said, blushing slightly at being outshone by the Captain.

"Don't mention it," Naomi smiled graciously. "B'Elanna had that problem once after we ran into a group of Borg. That's the problem with on the fly repairs. They have a habit of tripping one another up."

Hasdarya snorted, reminding Naomi of the quarter-Klingon's late mother. "It's not like we had much choice."

"I know," Naomi sighed, heading down to the helm to see how they were progressing. "But soon, that won't be a problem."

Lieutenant Kim grinned. "I can't wait to see Earth. Dad was always waxing lyrical about it. How beautiful it was, how one look made you fall in love with it." She looked back down at the console with the hint of a tear in her eye. "I'm just sorry he never saw it again."

"We're seeing it for them," Ensign Delaney commented from the helm, raising one eyebrow in a perfect imitation of his father, Vorik.

"They would have wanted us to see it," Naomi agreed softly, content to let her crew enjoy their discussion for today, possibly their last day together as a crew. "How much longer until we reach Earth?"

"About forty-five minutes, Captain," Delaney reported.

"Starfleet Command is hailing us again," Kim added with a smile. "Something about the welcoming ceremony."

"Ugh." Naomi made a good-natured face. "Couldn't we have slipped quietly into obscurity?"

"Obviously not," Anna replied with a grin in Naomi's direction.

"Put it on screen, then," Naomi ordered, all business now. She turned to face the viewer with an almost regal expression on her face.

The viewscreen was activated to show an Admiral with grey hair, streaked with intermittent brown strands. Naomi was suddenly and forcefully reminded of the day of her promotion, when she had noticed the grey that had practically taken over Janeway's hair for the very first time, and had been shocked at herself for not noticing it earlier.

"Admiral, Captain Wildman here. What do you want?"

"Admiral Atwehvre, Captain," the Bajoran Admiral introduced himself with a smile. "I'm discussing arrival arrangements. I'm sorry to inform you that just about every news agency in the Federation has insisted on sending along a reporting team to cover the event. We're going to have to arrange-"

Naomi politely interrupted the Admiral. "Excuse me, sir, but the crew were hoping for something small... not a press free-for-all."

The Admiral shrugged. "We can't exactly stop the reporters, Captain. They're like tribbles... they multiply and get everywhere," he explained with a humourless smile. Naomi offered one in return, but said nothing. The Admiral continued, "We'd especially like Captain Janeway to beam down first."

Naomi shook her head forcefully. "I'm not sure that will be possible, Admiral," she apologised. "She's very ill, barely alive..." Her voice trailed off, unable to keep going.

"Still, if everything checks out, we'd like her to beam down," the Admiral repeated. "I think that's all we have to discuss for the moment. Atwehvre out."

The viewscreen switched off again; a standard procedure on Voyager, born of the need to conserve energy as much as was possible. Idly, Naomi thought that they could probably turn it on again now that they were home and had access to almost unlimited sources again. Naomi couldn't imagine what that was like. Her entire life had consisted of rationing and conserving energy. It seemed ridiculously extravagant to be able to use replicators as much as you wanted, holodecks as much as you wanted, even the viewscreen as much as you wanted.

The turbolift doors opened again, breaking up Naomi's train of thought. The holographic Doctor stepped onto the bridge wearily - could a hologram actually feel tired? Naomi wondered - and came down to where she was standing by the helm.

"How is she?" he whispered urgently.

"Not good," Naomi said. "About the same as usual. The thing is, Starfleet Command wants her to be one of the first to beam down."

"Absolutely not!" The Doctor protested, forgetting to keep his voice down in his ire. "She needs peace and quiet. Crowds will only confuse her."

"That's what I told them," Naomi said with a quirky smile that could have been one of Kathryn Janeway's own, once upon a time.

The Doctor's visage softened, accompanied by a similar change in his voice. "I'll just go and check on her," he told the Captain before turning and heading for the Ready Room.

"Captain," he said, stepping inside, "It's The Doctor."

Janeway's head lifted at the sound of his voice, but she said nothing to him. He took out the medical tricorder and approached her, running the scanner over her as quickly as he could without ruining the scan. "So, Captain, I see we're nearly home," he commented, trying to fill the silence with light banter the way Kes had once taught him. "The reporters are going to be out in full force. I'm sure they're going to want to interview me!" he beamed, finishing off the scan. "Hmm. I wonder if I ought to find a name before we reach orbit. I can't be quoted properly without a name." He snapped the tricorder shut. "Well, Captain. You're no worse than usual. No better either," he added, "But no worse." He looked at her with a sad expression, wondering how this had happened. How had the once dignified and passionate captain of Voyager been turned into an emotionless wreck? Who didn't even realise what was happening around her? And yet, she seemed to sense the importance of this room, from whence she had not moved in the past four weeks, ever since their first real time transmission with Starfleet Command.

"Goodbye, Captain," he murmured, slipping quietly out of the room, shaking his head slightly as he did so. He was tired - tired of existing. He had seen too many friends die, and even though they had been replaced by new ones, no one could take their places.

"How is she?" Naomi asked as he re-entered the bridge, tricorder in hand.

"The prognosis isn't good," he admitted quietly. "There's no change. I think we're losing her." The tears threatened to build up in Naomi's eyes. No! She couldn't cry on the bridge. Not in front of her crew. The Doctor understood what she was thinking, and pointed out, "She's over a hundred."

"People live longer than that!" Naomi protested, feeling every one of her seventy years.

"We didn't have access to the medical facilities that we needed in the Delta Quadrant. We didn't have enough food. She was lucky to live this long!" The Doctor said frustratedly, telling himself as much as Naomi.

"Lieutenant Paris, we need you in Engineering," Commander Ayala's voice came over the commline. "The antimatter injectors are playing up."

Hasdarya lifted her head from her workings. "I'm on my way, sir," she informed the First Officer, heading for the turbolift as quickly as she could, only stopping to bark out a command to one of the junior officers on the bridge to continue monitoring the flow from that station.

Naomi smiled wryly. "She reminds me of B'Elanna so much." She turned to The Doctor. "May I take it that I am under orders from you not to allow the Captain to beam down?" she asked with a playful smile.

The Doctor matched her smile with a serious expression and told her, "Certainly. You are under orders not to let her beam down until I say so. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to get back to sickbay. Cadet Parsons broke her leg this morning, and I want to get the treatment regimen finished before we get back."

Naomi nodded her understanding, and The Doctor left the bridge. "How much longer?" she asked Delaney, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"About thirty minutes," he replied. "That's not long if you want to get those reports in order."

Naomi gasped in shock. "I'd forgotten all about them," she admitted, eyes wide. "Oh, pusshogs!"

Anna Kim giggled. "Surely they can't be that bad," she assured Naomi sympathetically.

Captain Wildman groaned. "You don't want to know. I always knew that there was a reason to have a Captain's Assistant. Now I know what it was. Pass me a PADD, someone."

"Catch," Anna said simply, and tossed one down to her.

"Thanks," the half-Ktaran said, catching it neatly then calling up some files. "Hmm, actually, not as bad as I thought they were. Just the last couple of days to put in order," she mused aloud as she settled herself into the Captain's chair, rearranging and writing up in an effort to show Starfleet that she wasn't just a field promotee, unaccustomed to their ways. She was an (almost) fully trained Starfleet officer, and she wanted to make a damn good impression on them.

"Kim, hail Admiral Atwehvre," she ordered, sitting up straighter in her chair.

"Aye Captain," Anna responded, opening the channel.

Naomi stood up, her fingers remaining in contact with the chair a few moments longer than they needed to as she did so. "Admiral, I'm sorry to inform you that Captain Janeway will not be beaming down with us," she explained to him simply.

Atwehvre looked at her sharply. "May I ask why not?" he inquired pleasantly, his voice at peculiar odds with his expression.

Naomi spread her hands in apology. "Doctor's orders. The Captain is not to be moved until he specifically gives permission to do so. I'm very sorry about this, sir, but the Doctor - well, he's very stubborn, Admiral. He could even stand up to Captain Janeway on a good day," she said, remembering the Captain as she had been then.

"I understand," the Admiral said with a nod of his head that set his earring dancing.

"Thank you," Naomi said. "Voyager out." She waited until the viewscreen was off before asking Delaney, "How much longer?"

"Only fifteen minutes, Captain," he replied, any excitement that may have been in his voice repressed by the Vulcan training given by his father before he was killed in the shuttle accident that had also killed Commander Chakotay and Neelix. Naomi remembered that day vividly, far too vividly for her liking. The dumb realisation that settled over her when she had heard of Neelix's death, the hours of endless sobbing as it sunk in and, worst of all, Janeway's complete non-reaction when she originally heard the news of Chakotay's death. Nothing but a blank face that would have made a Vulcan seem overflowing with emotion beside her.

Naomi settled wearily back into her chair, stealing a glance at Owen Dalby at the tactical station. Personally, she had always found Owen a little out of it, even as a child. He was the loner in the group. The one who was suspicious of everyone's motives. The one who said nothing unless directly asked. He'd always seemed a natural choice for a Security chief, and Naomi was pleased to have him there, even if he seemed to contribute little. She knew that if he felt that something was important, he'd comment.

Besides, she'd had a crush on him once.

Shaking herself to get rid of the irrelevant thoughts, Captain Wildman turned back to the reports. They seemed to blur before her eyes, an indication of how tired she was currently feeling. She'd come on this shift feeling revitalised and energised, ready to return to Earth and finally bring Voyager home. Now all she wanted to do was find a hole and hide in it.

"How much longer?" she asked, raising her head. She was unable to keep her thoughts on the work she could be doing. Earth loomed large in her mind's eye, threatening to swallow her and her crew.

"Only ten minutes, Captain," Delaney said.

Naomi sighed and settled back in her chair.

"Second thoughts?" Anna asked with a smile.

The Captain shook her head. "Not really. Just a few nerves. When I was little, I didn't want to get back to Earth. I think I'm having a relapse," she explained lightly.

"I'm not. I can't wait to see Earth," Anna said enthusiastically.

"You just want to find out about that Star Wars thing," Naomi commented, rolling her eyes.

"Well, I am named after the goddamned character! It would be nice to find out what it was all about," Anna grinned.

"I suppose," Naomi remarked noncommittally.

"Do you think your father's still alive?" Anna asked curiously, changing the atmosphere on the bridge. Naomi stiffened.

"I doubt it. But I'm not going to try to track him down. If he wants to come to me, that's fine. But we were never a part of each other's lives." She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't want to force the issue."

Silence descended on the bridge again, this time heavy and oppressive. Owen looked like he'd rather be anywhere else than Voyager's bridge at the moment. Only the sensor beeps made any sound in the stillness. It was so quiet, that the officers could feel and hear the throbbing of the warpcore, powering the ship around them.

"Five minutes," Delaney commented, then lapsed once more into silence as the ship ploughed onwards to the third planet in a yellow dwarf system in sector 001.

"Wildman to Ayala," Naomi said, activating the comm channel. "Report to the bridge." She waited for Ayala's acknowledgement before closing the comm channel and waiting. Again.

"Can't we play Hangman?" Anna joked, producing a few chuckles from the bridge staff.

"I prefer Kal-to," Delaney informed them.

"Waaaay too boring," Anna laughed. "I-spy?"

"Ugh, please, spare us!" Naomi cried, getting into the spirit of things as Ayala entered the bridge.

"From what?" he asked.

"I-spy," Captain Wildman groaned, a most un-captain-like expression on her face.

Ayala shot her a wicked grin and began, "I spy with my little eye, something beginning with 'C'."

Naomi buried her head in her hands as her crew began guessing. "Carpet?"

"Console?"

"Captain?"

"What?" Naomi asked, her head jerking up at the mention of her title, and then blushing, embarrassed, as she realised that they'd just been guessing. "Sorry, keep at it."

"Chairs?"

"Cat?"

"Don't be stupid," Ayala chuckled. "There aren't any cats on the bridge."

"Thank goodness," Anna muttered. "I give up. What is it?"

"Ceiling," Owen whispered as his guess, and Ayala gave him a thumbs-up.

"Right on target, Ensign!" Ayala laughed. "It's your go next."

Owen shook his head, wordlessly declining the offer. No one noticed Delaney start to pay extra attention to his console until he yelped excitedly, "We're entering orbit, Naomi - I mean, captain!" he amended with a grin that even his Vulcan training could not suppress.

Naomi gasped and suddenly remembered to order Kim to turn the viewscreen on. It flickered into life, showing a planet, so like ones they'd seen before and yet, different again. It was Earth. Anna and Ayala stared at the screen, simply awe-struck with the sight. Naomi had to blink more than a few times and pinch herself before she believed what she was seeing. Then she turned and headed straight for the Ready Room.

"Captain, it's Naomi," she said softly. The Captain's eyes flickered briefly with recognition, but only briefly. "We made it, Captain," Naomi continued urgently. "We made it! We're orbiting Earth!" She watched with raised hopes as Janeway's dull eyes flickered to the window, and a flash of momentary recognition ran through them. Naomi's eyes followed her former Captain's. "We're home, Captain," Naomi repeated, barely believing it herself.

"Naomi..."

Janeway's whispered summons drew Naomi's attention back to her, and she turned in surprise. It was the first word Janeway had uttered in weeks, if not months. "Yes, Captain, I'm here," she said, barely daring to breathe.

"We're home..." Janeway added. "Goodbye, Naomi..."

Naomi watched in horrified silence as Janeway suddenly stopped breathing. Recovering slowly, she jumped forward, feeling for a pulse. It was there, but fading rapidly. "Doctor! Wildman to sickbay!" she amended frantically, tapping at her commbadge. "It's the Captain! Hurry!"

The seconds seemed to slip irretrievably away as she waited for the holographic Doctor to reach the Ready Room. Time seemed to stretch into eternity as the life seemed to slip visibly out of her heroine's body, while all Naomi could do was watch on in frustrated helplessness.

The doors opened, catching Naomi by surprise. "Is there anything you can do?" she asked breathlessly as the Doctor ran a medical tricorder over Janeway's body. Selecting a hypospray, he injected it. He retook the scans, then shook the tricorder as if to try to change the readings.

"Doctor?" Naomi asked nervously.

He shook his head sadly, slowly closing up the tricorder. "She's lost the will to live. Nothing I can do will help."

Naomi looked at him, blunt denial written over her face. "No, there must be something..."

The Doctor placed a hand on her shoulder and regarded her seriously. "She's got nothing left to live for." His eyes darted briefly to the planet that the ship was orbiting, and he continued. "She's gone home."

Tears in her eyes, Naomi swiftly left the Ready Room, heading for the bridge, and her new life, on Earth.

****

Kathryn looked up as Chakotay approached her, hand extended to her. A wide smile brightened his face as she took it, stepping over the threshold of nothingness and collapsing into his arms in a furious hug.

"I made it, Chakotay," she whispered in his ear as he held her close. "I got us home."

"I know," Chakotay told her silently. "I know."

Kathryn felt non-existent tears of happiness slide down her face at being in his arms again. "I love you," she whispered fiercely.

"I know," Chakotay repeated silently, and the two left, heading for nowhere in particular, and their life together in eternity.