Loving Her
By Coral
Disclaimer: Paramount, give us a break… please?
This was written as a sequel to Elizabeth Barr's "Not Loving Her", and is very loosely based on the song "That's When I'll Stop Loving You." It was going to be a happy ending - it was supposed to be a happy ending, but my mind had other ideas…
The same note that Elizabeth applied to "Not Loving Her" applies here too: Sad and short.
Dedicated to Liz, for letting me; Lazarus, for asking me; and Becky, for kicking me.
Five years ago, I thought I'd moved on. I
thought I'd stopped loving her. But today, it hit me harder than
it ever has before.
I haven't stopped loving her. I never did.
The two years that she was in love with Michael, the tears after
their break-up, when I wished I could kill Paris for putting us
through this. The year we got back home and she met up with Mark
again. Her meeting and subsequent engagement to Colin. I bore
them all in stoic silence, because I'd convinced myself that I
didn't love her anymore. I thought I didn't.
The friendship that has always been between us is still there, a
tentative thread binding us across light-years of space.
Occasionally, when we meet, there is still a spark between us.
But I know that she doesn't admit to it. Maybe, she doesn't want
to admit to it. She's happy now, much as it hurts me to
acknowledge that.
After ten years, though, I still haven't moved on.
I couldn't. However hard I tried, there was still something
binding me to her. My people believe that some couples are
destined to be together. I was naïve: I was sure we were going
to stay together forever.
But something went wrong.
The circumstances weren't right, something went unsaid, something
went undone, someone else was there instead… I've spent half
a decade trying to work out why I'm here today, watching and not
taking part, wondering if there is one thing I could have done
different that would have changed our lives. She walked in, and
my heart leapt once more, the way it used to when she touched me.
I longed to reach out my hand and caress her skin, stroke her
hair, then kiss her lips… I realised the truth. I should be
there, standing by her side, not sitting here, watching. I should
be the one slipping the ring onto her finger, brushing her lips
in a gentle kiss. I should be the one beaming broadly, knowing
that I'm about to spend the rest of my life with the woman I
love.
Instead, I'm beside B'Elanna, watching. On the outside, looking
in.
And it hits me harder than I thought, because I never stopped
loving her, and I never will.
When winter comes in
summer
When there's no more forever
When lies become the truth
Oh you know then, baby
That's when I'll stop loving you