I never imagined that I’d feel
like this. I never thought of myself as the falling in love type. I never
imagined that I would ever be excited about something as mundane as being asked
“Oh Mubbs, would you put the girls to bed for me?” But when she asks me, when
Rosie asks me, then it all seems so perfectly right and wonderful, and I can’t
believe that I never wanted this before.
She’s just got out of the shower, her
black hair is spikier than normal, she’s wearing my dressing gown and trying to
dry her hair quickly with a towel that I’m fairly sure is also mine. She looks
exhausted; we’ve had a long day, and she had a meeting with her solicitor
before work, she wants to get full custody of the girls, and I’m backing her
all the way. I love those girls.
She’d never believe me if I told her.
She’d never believe me if I told her that I love her and I love her daughters,
and that I wish they were mine. I wish that she were my wife and they were my
daughters. Sami never realised how lucky he was. He had three of the most
precious things in the world, and he just threw them all away. I’d never do
that.
Rosie’s changed me so much, I
realise, as I try and round the girls up for their bedtime. They’re in their
pyjamas already, running around the sofa, excited after Rosie let them stay up
to watch Eastenders, even though it’s a school night and she’s sure they’ll be
exhausted tomorrow. Nadia’s yawning, she’s obviously tired, but she won’t admit
it, not until Lina does. Lina grabs onto my hand and tries to get me to run
with them, but I shake my head.
“No, girls. It’s time for bed now.”
I’m the soft touch. They both know
that. They both know that a few moments of wheedling will change “now” to “in
five minutes”, which quickly changes into ten minutes, which soon changes into
whatever amount of time they want… until Rosie lays down the law.
I sit down on the sofa, and lay my
head back. Next thing I know, Lina is pulling my eyelids open. “Uncle Mubbs!”
she screeches. I have to stifle a proud smile every time they call me “uncle”.
They could just call me Mubbs, but they started calling me “Uncle”. Not even
Rosie asked them to. They did it of their own accord, and I can’t believe it.
To me, it shows that they accept me. They don’t see me as a replacement for Sami
though. They might like me, I’m okay if they want someone to tease and to help
plot against Mummy, but I’m no substitute for Daddy when it comes to reading
bedtime stories or helping if they’ve been ill at night. They cry for Daddy
then.
I wish they didn’t. I know that
they’re alright with me being there, and I know that even that is a big step, a
huge step. I remember how hard it was for Owen when Katie wouldn’t even accept
Chrissie. Lina and Nadia have not only accepted me, they’ve taken me in as a friend.
They want me to play with their Barbies with them, they want me to watch TV
with them… they like me.
But it’s their mother whom I really
value. Rosie. Rosie Sattar. I’m head over heels in love with her, and I don’t
care who knows it. She’s made me into a better man. She’s made me into the man
who really cares about someone. Before Rosie, the only person I had even
bordered on caring about was Lisa. And I never felt much for her. Friendship.
She was a friend. Rosie… is my life. I couldn’t imagine living without her.
When I first met her, I met a woman
who was very obviously family-orientated. A woman who was off-limits. Very
definitely not my type. What changed? What made me go from seeing her as a
colleague whom I’d never dare approach in a romantic way, to seeing her as an
attractive woman, a woman whom I’d spend the rest of my life with in a
heartbeat?
I honestly don’t know. Maybe it was
the fact that she wasn’t all she seemed to be. The fact that she was a Muslim
woman who drank and who didn’t live up to the stereotypes. Maybe it was the
fact that I was working closely with her and got to know her. Maybe it was the
fact that I finally took a chance and decided to look beneath the surface, and
I found a wonderful thing. I found what I had been missing in my life.
She pokes her head out of the
bathroom and sighs. “Mubbs… I thought I told you to put them to bed!” she tells
me, tutting. “Girls! Bed!”
They take one look at her and sigh.
“But Mummy…” Lina begins, trailing off as she sees Rosie’s “I mean business”
look. She has the most powerful look when she really wants them to do
something. Hell, it almost makes me go to bed. It certainly works with the
girls. They stop running and take themselves off into their room – what used to
be my room. Rosie and I are sleeping on the sofa right now. I can’t have those
girls sleeping on the sofa; they’re growing girls and they need a good night’s
sleep.
“Mubbs…” Rosie says, exasperated.
“Why didn’t you tell them to go to bed?”
“I tried…” I begin, but she’s smiling and laughing and shaking her head and in that instant I love her more than I ever have done. I kiss quickly and then smile. “So, I’ll go put them to bed…”
“You do that,” she agrees. She’s not angry,
though. She’s smiling, she’s happy. I think I amuse her sometimes. I don’t know
why – I really am trying so hard with the girls. “I’ll be through to kiss them
goodnight in a few minutes.”
I smile. “Sure.”
In their room, Lina and Nadia are bouncing
on the beds. “Girls, please…” I try and tell them. I know that they probably
won’t listen to me. Pleading doesn’t work. Shouting… I’d never dare try that. Much
as I love them, they’re not my kids and I don’t feel I have the right to shout
at them. Bribery, however, is a different story. Those girls have gained more
dolls in the past week than ever before. “How about a bedtime story?” I ask,
watching them stop jumping and immediately get into bed.
“Yes please!” Lina shouts, as Nadia
nods eagerly.
Wow. I never thought they’d go for
that. Reading bedtime stories, that’s Daddy’s job. But… hey, if they want it,
then I’m not going to complain. “What do you want me to read?” I query, looking
through their books on the table, trying desperately to see something that’s
not exactly girly. No such luck, because Lina digs in her schoolbag and
produces a book that’s unfortunately pink and girly.
“Nadia and I want this one,” she
informs me. I’m not sure how much Nadia wants it, but she nods along with Lina.
I remember being like that – I always used to do what my big brother wanted me
to do; it was easier.
I sit down on the bed and open the
book. Lina and Nadia automatically lean against me, and I’m shocked. I love
this. I never imagined that Mubbs Hussein could get so excited about reading to
his girlfriend’s children. But it’s great. Now that it’s happened, I wouldn’t change
it for the world. I adore those girls, simply adore them.
I’m about five pages into the book
when Rosie comes in. “Mubbs…” she begins.
I look up. “We’re just getting to the
good bit,” I tell Rosie, and she laughs, sitting down on the bed next to Lina.
“Okay then. Just five more minutes.” Lina
lolls against her mother and Rosie puts an arm around her. I find myself
copying that action with Nadia; I rest my arm around her shoulders gently, and
she smiles up at me shyly.
Before I continue reading, I smile at
Rosie. “I love you,” she mouths, and I melt inside. My life’s been turned
upside down by this woman, and I couldn’t be happier about it.