101 Reasons Why It's Great to be a Guy
1. Phone conversations are completed within 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about cars.
4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
5. Monday night football.
6. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
8. You don't worry about having to ask a friend to borrow you a tampon.
9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
10. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
11. When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
13. All your orgasms are real.
14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful crap around everywhere you go.
17. You see the humor in Beavis and Butthead.
18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
19. You don't have to learn how to spell a new last name.
20. You can live life without being worried whether or not the toilet seat is down.
21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22. You don't have a problem with killing your own food.
23. The garage is considered yours.
24. You get extra credit of the slightest acts of thoughtfulness.
25. You see humor in the movie Terms of Endearment.
26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
27. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
28. You never have to clean a toilet.
29. Sex means never having to worry about your reputation.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
32. You underwear comes three to a pack and only costs $10.
33. None of your coworkers have the power to make you cry.
34. The National College Cheerleading Championship.
35. You don't have to shave below the neck.
36. You don't have curl up next to fat hairy ass every night.
37. If you are 34 and single nobody notices.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
40. No one looks at you and wonders if your patch matches your rug.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can be President.
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
44. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
45. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
46. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
47. Flowers and duck tape can fix everything.
48. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
49. You can eat a banana without guys looking at you funny.
50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
51. Foreplay is optional.
52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
53. Nobody stops telling a dirty joke when you walk into the room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
59. You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without even thinking: He must be mad at me...
60. The world is your urinal.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
63. Hot wax never comes close to your pubic hair.
64. One mood, all the time.
65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
66. You never have to hover in the bathroom.
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what your are wearing.
69. Same work....more pay.
70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
72. Wedding dress $2000...tux rental $100.
73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries....at least in theory.
75. You don't have to mooch off others desserts...you can have your own.
76. The remote is yours and yours alone.
77. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
78. People never glance at your chest when they talk to you.
79. ESPN's Sports Center, ESPN II, and the Spice Channel.
80. When you drop by to see a friend, you usually get a beer.
81. Bachelor parties whoop ass over bridal showers.
82. You have a normal healthy relationship with your mother.
83. You can buy condoms without the cashier imagining you naked.
84. You need not pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase...."F**k it!"
88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become
lifelong buddies.
89. Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.
90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically a compliment of cooking ability.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
92. You get extra points for swerving to hit a cat.
93. If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthday and anniversary.
97. Not liking a person does not eliminate having great sex with them.
98. Your pals can be trusted to never trap you with the phrase: So...notice anything different?"
99. Baywatch and Saturday morning fishing shows.
100. There is always a game on somewhere.
101. You don't have to wear butt-floss in order to stand out over the rest of the guys at the beach.