Blonde Jokes

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled,

"PULLOVER!" "NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! you'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. we're going at night!"

A police officer stops a blond for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature."

Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

Q. There are three girls, all in grade 3: one a brunette, one a redhead, and one a blonde. Which one of them has the best body?

A. The blonde, because she's 19 years old.

Q. How do you measure a blonde's I.Q.?

A. With a tire gauge

At the first house a man answered the door and told her "Yeah, I have a job for you. Could you paint the porch?"

"Sure" smiled Susie "I'll do it for $100."

"Great" the man agreed "You'll find the paint and stuff you need in the garage"

The man went back into his house to his wife, who'd been listening. "A hundred bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife

"Well she must. She was standing right on it!" he replied.

About 45 minutes later, Susie knocked on the door. "I'm all done" she reported.

The man was amazed "You painted the whole porch?"

"Yeah," Susie said. "I even had some left, so I put on two coats!"

The man reached in his wallet to pay her.

"And by the way," said Susie "That's not a Porch. It's a Ferrari."

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:

	
She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept. 
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it 
She thought a quarterback was a refund. 

She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. 
She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. 
She thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools. 
	
She thought General Motors was in the army. 
She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. 
She thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday. 

Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics." 
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius." 
She tripped over a cordless phone. 
	
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said,"Concentrate." 
She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK." 
She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. 
	
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde: 
She studied for a blood test. 
She thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train." 

She sold the car for gas money! 
When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead. 
When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around
and went home. 
	
When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. 
She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company. 
If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. 
	
She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening. 
She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that....... 
  she called me to get my phone number. 
 she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate." 
 she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. 
 she got stabbed in a shoot-out. 
 she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK." 
 she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. 
 she sat on the TV and watched the couch. 
 she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. 
 she tried to drown a fish. 
 she thought a quarterback was a refund. 
 she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. 
 if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back. 
 they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade. 
 under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics." 
 she tripped over a cordless phone.<<< DON'T LAUGH IT'S HAPPENED!!! :)~>>> 
 she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.   

 at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"...she put 'Sagittarius.' 
 she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. 
 it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes. 
 if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speachless. 
 she studied for a blood test. 
 she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center. 
 she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats. 
 she thought she needed a token to get on Soul train. 
 she sold the car for gas money. 
 when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends. 
 when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. 
 she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill. 
 when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead. 
 when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she 
 turned around and went home. 
 when she got locked in the furniture store she slept on the floor.
 when her friend said "oh no look a dead bird" she looked up.	

Once upon a time, there was a blonde driving down the highway. In the distance, she saw a brunette doing jumping jacks in the middle of the road, so she decided to pull over.

The brunette was jumping up and down clapping her hands over her head, and shouting, "Twenty one! Twenty one! Twenty one!" So, seeing how this looked like fun, the blonde got behind her, and started doing jumping jacks, and shouting, "Twenty one! Twenty one! Twenty one!"

This goes on for about an hour, and the brunette got tired, so she sat down. But the blonde decided to continue because she was having the best time of her lifedoing jumping jacks in the middle of the highway shouting twenty one.

Along came a truck and splat! There goes the blonde. Well the brunette got up and went back into the road and started doing jumping jacks and shouting, "Twenty two! Twenty two! "

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were convicted of a crime and sent to jail. Then they decide to escape, the brunette jumps up on the wall and then jumps in the bushes on the other side. The guards poke their heads around the door to see what the noise was so the brunette says, "meow meow."

The guards say, "Don't worry it was just a cat."

So then the redhead has to go, she gets up on the wall and jumps off into the bushes. Once again the guards come out and see what the trouble was and the redhead says, "meow meow."

The guards say, "oh never mind, just another cat..."

So then its the blonde's turn, so she gets up on the wall and jumps off, and into the bushes. And the guards come out once again to see what all the noise is, so the blonde says, "Don't Worry, its just Another Cat!!"

Three blondes were walking in the forest one day. They saw a set of tracks and started arguing over what kind of tracks they were. The first blonde said, "I think they’re deer tracks!" The second blonde said, "I think they’re dog tracks!" The third blonde said, "Well, I think they’re cow tracks!" They were still arguing when the train hit them.

some of these are above, but here it is again!

She was soooooooooooooo blonde that:

...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

...she thought a quarterback was a refund.

...she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

...she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

...she thought General Motors was in the army.

...she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

...she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.

...under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."

...she tried to drown a fish.

...she tripped over a cordless phone.

...she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said concentrate.

...at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put Sagittarius.

...she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

...it takes her two hours to watch "60 Minutes".

...she studied for a blood test-and failed.

...she sold the car for gas money!

...when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

...she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

...when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

...when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left,"she turned around and went home.

The guards say, "Don't worry it was just a cat."

So then the redhead has to go, she gets up on the wall and jumps off into the bushes. Once again the guards come out and see what the trouble was and the redhead says, "meow meow."

The guards say, "oh never mind, just another cat..."

So then its the blonde's turn, so she gets up on the wall and jumps off, and into the bushes. And the guards come out once again to see what all the noise is, so the blonde says, "Don't Worry, its just Another Cat!!"

The Trooper saw this, cranked down his window and yelled...... "PULL OVER"

"NO," yelled the blond "SCARF"

table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and

bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier

when I'm completely nude." With that she stripped

from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"

Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON!

I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of

the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked,"What did she roll?" The

other answered, "I don't know, I thought YOU were watching!"

Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

Jay and his blonde wife live in Chicago. One winter morning while

listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to

have 3 to 4 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even

numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Jay's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says,

"We are expecting 4 to 5 inches of snow today. You must park your

car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get

through."

Jay's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer

says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must

park...", then the power goes out.

Jay's wife says, "Honey, I don't know what to do."

Jay says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"