PERIOD

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about   something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, Little Johnny was called upon. He walked up to the front of the class. With a piece of chalk he made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat down.

Puzzled, the teacher asked Little Johnny just what it was. "It's a period," said Little Johnny proudly. "Well, I can see that," the teacher said, "but what is so exciting about a period?"   "Dammed if I know," said Little Johnny, "but this morning my sister was missing one, Dad had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."!!!!!!

HEAVEN

Little johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first. One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first beacause you have to have a mind in order to believe in God. The teacher praises the little girl, as a little boy raised his hand. The little boy says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love." very Good," said the teacher. The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no", she thought, I'm not gonna like this. Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?" Little Johnny thinks for a minute first?" Your feet." The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first. He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parent's bedroom last night and my Mom had her feet up in the air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming.

FRUIT

One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red. Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely, ignored him and picked Jenny, who promptly answered "An apple. No jenny, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now, for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish. Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on billy. Is it a peach? No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard." By now, Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana, she says. "No, the teacher replies, it's a squash, but I like your thinking. Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it's got a head on it." Johnny! she cries "That's disgusting! "Nope, answers Johnny, it's a quarter, but I like your thinking.

The teacher asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Mary said, "My family went to the New Your City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was Fascinated."

The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate' so she called on him.

Johnny said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."