| Three men, one German, one Japanese and an Texan were sitting naked in
a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German pressed his forearm
and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly.
"That was my pager,"he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained,"That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand." The Texan felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his behind.The others raised their eyebrows and staredat him. The Texan finally said------- "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax." |
| A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic
tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter
was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well, it
dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon
and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't
gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly said "That's once."
We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my
wife quietly said, "That's twice." We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule
stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver from her pocket
and shot him.
I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said "That's once." |
| THINGS TO NEVER SAY TO A COP...
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas) 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People? 4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! 5. Are You Andy or Barney? 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. 7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? 8. I pay your salary! 9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too! 10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. 11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are. 12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?" |
| A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one
day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park....
As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway....The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and the same again.... Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the darn cat would always beat him home. At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there....Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes", the wife answers..."why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered: "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!" |
[email]