Go to more over 18 humor.... more humor

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.

Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel,did you

know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"

Mabel answered, "I have? A suppository?" She pulled it out and stared it.

Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing.

Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."

***********************************************************************

A little old couple in their eighties were sitting on the couch watching the Playboy Channel.

He looked at her and asked, "Do you think we can still do that?" "Well, we

can sure try!" she answered. So they shuffled off to the bedroom.

He went into the bathroom to get ready and she took off all her clothes in the bedroom.

When he came out of the bathroom, he saw her standing on her head in the

middle of the bedroom floor. "What are you doing, sweetheart?" he asked.

"Well," she replied, "I thought if you couldn't get it up, maybe you could just drop it in!"

***********************************************************************

The rescue squad was called to the home of an elderly couple for a heart

attack the gentleman was having.

When the squad got there it was too late and the man had died. While

consoling the wife one of the rescuers noticed that the bed was a mess.

He asked the lady what symptoms the man had suffered and if anything had

precipitated the heart attack.

The lady replied, "Well, we were in the bed making love and he started

moaning, groaning, thrashing about the bed, panting, and sweating.

I thought he was coming -- but I guess he was going.

***********************************************************************

"A long-widowed man becomes interested in an acquaintance. In anticipation,

he went into a drug store to buy a box of condoms, something he hadn't

done in a long time.

He found a box that costs $5.00 and took it up to the counter. The clerk

rang it up and said, "That'll be $5.25."

The guy asks what the extra 25 cents is for and the clerk replies,"That for

the tax." Hearing this, the old guy replies, "Tacks? Geeze, we used to

just roll them on!"

***********************************************************************

When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death

notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.

No sooner were the papers delivered when one of the children phoned and

complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not

gonorrhea." The widow replied, "I nursed him night and day, so of course I

know how he died of diarrhea.

But I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great

lover rather than the big shit he always was."

***********************************************************************

An elderly couple was on a cruise and the water was really rough. They were

standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and

washed the old woman overboard. They searched and searched, but couldn't find her.

The captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would

notify him as soon as they found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It

read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we finally found your wife at the bottom

of the ocean, and she was dead.

As a side issue, the medical examiner found an oyster stuck in her vagina,

and inside it was a pearl worth $50,000, please advise." The old man faxed

back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap. Regards,"