BIG NEWS ALERT!!!!
fat kids in moncton to be used as test dummies for birth control...eric "neurotic" turns back on raggae past, disses franco-jafaican ancestors...chris "bubba zwixxx" zwicker gets his ass kicked for writing shit about other people...anger "f'n geddes goes postal on local warden when asked not to swear. claims it's in her name..."deaner" lounder uncovers US corruption after watching farenheit 9/11...greater moncton skinheads found to be "not so racist after all", just looking for an excuse to beat someone up..."milo" robertson assigned to ward due to misunderstanding. neighbours had no idea his twitch was directly related to coffee
but the top story of the hour...

"WHO THE HELL IS MAKING ALL THAT NOISE IN THE OTHER ROOM?"
no, unlike what most of you are thinking deaner is not getting laid when that question is being asked. 2/5 of a new band just picked up a couple guitars and are in the process of putting their talents together with an amazing vocal. while no names have been released at this point and little info can be found the group appears to be getting ready for a storm that is expected to hit greater moncton sometime in the next few months. early sources claimed the group to sounds like a cat in heat but the claims were later dismissed when a cat was actually found in heat outside the house. an unnamed passerby exlaimed "this isth the bethst thshit i'fve heardt in agthes...BINGO ISTH THE BETHST GAME EVA!". while the band is not expected to come out of the closet for some time yet, it IS expected that they'll make your ass shake on the floor when they do...more on this story as it developes...this is bubba zwixxx, czwx news, signing off