Aunt Joanie took us to the elevator. Matt was a little scared of the elevator, He got stuck in one once, but he wouldn't admit it. He held his breath the entire ride up in the elevator. When the heavy gray doors opened, everyone was really quiet. Mattie took my hand in his and Aunt Joanie took Matt's other hand. I felt better having Matt holding my hand.

We walked down a long hallway. The light reflected off the floor so as I walked down the hallway, I tried to step on the lights. Matt told me to stop. I did what he said. Why didn't he let my have any fun? We turned a corner and sitting on a chair outside of a room was Daddy. I pulled out of Matt's grip and ran over to my Daddy. I jumped in his lap. His arms engulfed me, and soon Matt was standing my Daddy too. Matt jumped on his lap and he kissed both of our foreheads.

Daddy took us to breakfast in the hospital. I was happy because I didn't eat anything that day. We went down to the cafeteria. The whole time we ate, Daddy and Aunt Joanie were very quiet. Matt pushed his food around with his fork, knocking some of it off of the tray. I continued to shovel scrambled eggs into my mouth. Daddy looked at me and for the first time that day, he actually smiled while asking me if I ever needed to come up for air. That was my signal to stop and eat normal. Even though I still to this day don't know what eating normally means...

After we finished eating we went up to a waiting room in the hospital. The room was red and creamy white; it felt like home. Aunt Joanie gave me a coloring book and told me to color her a pretty picture. So I did. Matt got on his tippy toes and turned on the TV. He sat memorized as Scooby Doo was on again. I swear that was the only show that was ever on. We were in the room for what felt like hours, Daddy and Aunt Joanie kept leaving the room and coming back with morbid looks on their faces. Mattie fell asleep on the big red couch and Daddy sat there watching him sleep. I finished my picture and gave it to Aunt Joanie. She gave me another kiss. I walked over to Daddy and sat on his lap. I stood up on his leg and looked into his eyes. His eyes were spaced. He looked at me and with a fake smile, rubbed my sandy blonde hair with his hand. I shook my head to try and fix it, falling over in the process. This made him laugh again. I lay on my back, staring up at him. He must have known I was watching him because he finally asked me what I was thinking about.

Finally a chance to talk but I didn't know what to say. I thought for a little while. I could have said anything. I could have asked him if I could go with Aunt Joanie to get another Juice Box. But no, I looked up at him and I asked him Where is Mommy? He didn't answer me quickly. I think he avoided the question. I said it again, this time louder. Daddy hushed me, and told me not to wake Mattie. I nodded my head. Daddy called for Aunt Joanie and she came over. He told her to sit with Matt; he had to tell me something.

My heart filled with joy; I was finally going to be able to talk. We walked out into the hallway and Daddy took my hand. We walked up and down the hallway. He asked me if I had watched Scooby Doo that day, and I said yes. We talked a little about that and then I asked him again, Where's Mommy? He knelt down beside me so I was eye level with him. He took a deep breath and told me Mommy was resting. I asked him if I could go in and see her. Not right now, he said, maybe later.

We went back to the waiting room and Daddy told me to lay down and try to go to sleep. I lay down and my eyes closed quickly. I don't know how long I slept. I don't think it was that long, but when I woke up Daddy and Mattie weren't in the Room. Aunt Joanie was crying and rubbing my head. I asked her where they went. She told me they went to see Mommy. My eyes opened wide; does that mean I get to see her too? Joanie looked out the door as Mattie came in sniffling. In good time Jeffie.

Daddy came over to me and took my hand. Come on Jeffery; I want you to see Mommy. I smiled. We walked out of the room. When we got into Mommy's room, the lights were shut off. She was covered up with a big white sheet. Daddy told me to give Mommy a kiss and tell her I love her. I did and Daddy did the same thing, except he cried. I've never seen him cry before. Just then a Doctor came into the room. He turned to my Dad and asked him if he would take me out of the room. So I went back into the waiting room. Matt walked over to me, his face wet and warm. He gave me a hug that almost knocked me over. Why is everyone so sad today?

My question was answered when Daddy walked into the room and nodded his head to my Aunt Joanie. She put her had over her mouth trying not to cry. Daddy looked at us and walked over and gave us the tightest hug I have ever felt. Daddy was on the phone for most of the day talking to Grandma, Grandpa and Uncle Frank. They all wanted to talk to us. They all told us that everything would be ok. Matt understood what they meant, but I didn't.

We left the hospital very late that night. It was dark and cold outside. They wouldn't let us see Mommy. We went home with Aunt Joanie. Daddy wanted to say goodbye to Mommy before he left. When we got home, Aunt Joanie told us to go right up to bed. Mattie crawled up the steps, tears falling from his eyes. I followed him up and we changed into our pajamas and got into bed.

I couldn't sleep; I just laid there. It felt like something was missing in my life, I just didn't know what. I got up from my bed and went over to Matt's bed. I don't think he was sleeping, he was still crying, I crawled up on his bed. He turned over and looked into my eyes for the first time this day. I wanted to talk to him, to ask him why he was crying all day. I lifted up his blankets and crawled under them.

Mattie, Mattie, Where's Mommy? Why are you crying? I asked him. He took several deep breaths, Jeffie, Mommy isn't coming back. That's why I'm crying, He told me. My heart was crushed. What did he mean, Mommy isn't coming back? She had to. She couldn't be gone. Matt turned over again to look at me. He rubbed his hand over my hair. Jeffie, go to sleep. Tomorrow will be a long day. He stuttered. He wrapped his arm around me. I fall asleep in Mattie's bed, for the first time that day I felt like nothing was missing.

But what did he mean tomorrow is going to be a long day?


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