Twisted Fan Fiction

PARDON ME

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A decade ago, I never thought I would be,
at twenty-three, on the verge of spontaneous combustion.
Woe-is-me.

But I guess that it comes with the territory;
an ominous landscape of never ending calamity.
I need you to hear, I need you to see that I have had all I can take and
exploding seems like a definite possibility to me.

Here I am again, The back of this Rental Car, I'm twenty-three years old, I live the life of a Prisoner, I am told what to do, How to act, What to wear, What to say, Who to be, I can't take it. Then again it's all for the fans, Right? They're all that matters.

I ask myself If I should go on, Will these people even care if I'm gone. They should, Who else would provide them with excitement, Who else can they relate to. All we do is travel, I miss being home. I miss the Smell of the Air, I miss my Bed, I hate staying in Hotel Rooms, It drives my crazy, To be awake this early.

The sun isn't even out and were on the road, Traveling to another town, Where we will touch the life's of so many. When did my Name become so Popular, Why are there people here already, Waiting to look at us. They look so happy like they have been up for hours.

I will feed off their energy, Make me feel important again. Remind me why I do this. Sure my body hurts all the time, I feel like I'm in an endless cycle. Every day the same thing, But it never gets boring, People change and I change. Some days I can't even get up. Then I hear their screams and I raise up. To be their hero for another day.

Why do they cry at the sight of me, I don't understand. I really don't think I'm that special. People tell me that I am their life and they would do anything for me, Unique as that may be, I just want to be normal. They shake with pure love when I walk past smiling like I have made their lives complete. I am Jeff Hardy nothing that Special.

I guess I would act the same way if I were to meet Pearl Jam, I would fill with the same love they have. I would smile and lose myself in their greatness. I just never thought someone would do that for me.

Matt and Amy have to deal with the same thing, They have each other. The one I love is to remain hidden. Another ordeal I was cast into. I told you I was a Puppet. Now I'm told when I can see my True Love. But again its all for the Fans.

Sometimes I sit back and think, Not Ten years ago, I was in my backyard dreaming of this day. There was only Two Hundred People in my town. Matthew and I were the ones who made it. When we come home we're still just Matt and Jeff. It's good to be Just Jeff Again.

Sometimes it becomes too much, Signing the same autograph over and over until everyone has one, Which leaves me with a Numb hand, But I'll say it again, It's all for the fans.

I can't imagine not doing this, I am so used to signing my name, smiling, and having Camera's flash in my Eyes. I do it with such grace, Only because its what I do day after day. I'm really a Puppet on a String.

I'm pulled apart, Ripped up, Loved, Hated, Dreamed about, and Commented on. By People I will never know, Still I wait to hear what they think, It effects me in a Powerful way. I was a Fan once, Now I'm living my Dream, even though I do the same things time after time.

So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world and it's people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me....I'll never be the same.

Not two days ago, I was having a look in a book
and I saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knees.
I said, "I can relate," cause' lately I've been thinking of combustication
as a welcomed vacation from the burdens of the planet earth.
Like gravity, hypocrisy, and the perils of being in 3-D...
and thinking so much differently.

I do think differently about myself, I look at my picture and see Jeffery Nero Hardy, but they see a hero and Role Model. Which amazes me I'm a Role Model it still didn't sink in. It will someday, Someday I will get used to being chased by fans, screamed to, and Loved. For now it's still breath taking.

Just like I steal their breathes as I fly, Don't think I don't hear the Thousands gasp in fear I as Fly and sigh in relief when I land. You were always my support system to get me up when I don't think I can do it. I owe you all the thanks in the world, More then you will ever know.

Then I'm brought back to the reality of who I am, Just a Puppet to Vince Mcmahon, but a Loyal one at that. Vince is the puppet master I do what ever he tells me to. So again I smile and Wave, Stop to Sign and Pose, Forget about my pain and become your role model. Give my life up to fulfill yours.

It's too much, The Fame, the people. I don't care about the Money, I just want to be Free again, To be normal is impossible. I just want to be Twenty-three, I want to be Jeff Hardy, I want to be normal. I want to walk outside without having people file around me. Will this every happen?

Yea, The day I leave. I know that I will not leave until the day my body gives out, It's a drive I have. To give these people what they want no matter what happens. They pay their money to see me, The least I can do is throw myself off of another Ladder for the Pure excitement the people feel.

I remember when I first signed here, No one knew me, I was Free. I did what I wanted I was never a puppet, Then the fans came and I'm doing the same thing over and over, They still love it though, They can't seem to get enough of this Twenty-three year old.

So for another day I will sit in the back of this rental car, Await the next Town and fill more people with excitement, Whoever said this wasn't a Great life, Never met the Fans.

Their my strength when I'M too weak, My lungs when I cant breath, My heart when I can't love, and my Soul when I need Comfort. They have my life in their hands, and still they love me For who I am.

Not for the Televised Model of this Twenty-three year old.

Pardon Me, By Incubus