"You like him?" I asked.

"Yeah." she replied.

Amy and I were in the lobby of the hotel we were staying at for the "SmackDown!" tapings talking.

"Oh, my god, Amy! So you want me to ask him if he likes you?"

"Yeah and if he asks why, just tell him you were wondering and then I'll just walk up and kiss him."

I smiled at Amy. She was crazy.

"You are a freak, Amy...but it still sounds good to me. I'll ask him."

I walked over to where Matt and Jeff were talking to Adam, Jason, and
Denise (Jason's fiancee.) Matt, Jeff and I had left the house to meet them
for breakfast at the hotel where all the other wrestlers were staying. I
tapped Matt on his shoulder. He turned around.

"Excuse me, may I talk to you for a minute, Matt?"

"Sure."

Jeff smiled at me. I smiled back. He looked so good, I knew he felt the same way about me. Matt got up and followed me to the hallway.

"What's up?" Matt said.

"You know that me and your brother go out, right?" Matt laughed.

"Yeah right."

"I'm serious."

The look at Matt's face changed. His mouth was wide open. I smiled at him.

"Last night."

His mouth dropped some more.

"I can't believe it. I'm so proud of him."

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

"I'm his big brother."

"What? He's never had a girlfriend before?"

"You crazy! Jeff taught me how to flirt with girls."

I laughed. I had to admit it, by Jeff's good looks, he could probably get any girl he wanted.

"That's not all I have to ask you though. Do you like Amy?"

Matt looked at the ground.

"Amy?"

"Yeah, do you like her?"

It was quiet for a minute.

"Yeah. I mean, she's beautiful. I wouldn't mind going out with her."

Then out of nowhere, Amy walked up to Matt and kissed him. I couldn't
believe what I saw. It looked like she was trying to swallow him. Matt
returned the favor, it looked like Jeff taught him how to kiss too. I
laughed to myself. Then, someone grabbed me into the lobby. It was Jeff. He looked into my eyes and smiled.

"Amy told you to do that, didn't she?" he asked.

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"I don't know, it just makes me love you more."

Jeff then pulled me in his arms and kissed me. And as Jeff was kissing me, out of the corner of my eye, I could see Jason looking at me and
Jeff kissing...and there was jealousy in his eyes.

********

"Well, you're gonna have to tell him sometime. You better tell him now
before the relationship gets serious."

"Adam, it is serious! We made love last night."

"You and Jeff fucked?"

"No, we made love. There's a difference."

"Exactly. You've only been going together for a day."

"That's how serious it is!"

"Well, you better tell him now."

It was quiet for a minute. I just sat down on Adam's bed and looked at the floor.

"You're usually right about these things, Adam. I might as well listen to you. Thank you, big brother." I gave Adam a hug.

"No problem, sis."

I loved Adam so much. He was always there for me when I needed him ever since the fifth grade. He had always been the shoulder I could cry on, he was the brother I never had. I got up and left Adam's room so that him and Allanah (Adam's fiancee) could be alone. I walked to Jason's hotel room. We had to talk about this before something happened that I didn't want to happen. I knocked on the door. He opened the door, he had his shirt off, and the look on his face changed when he saw me.

"Hello, Trish." His voice sounded so lifeless.

"Jason, we need to talk."

He looked at me for a minute.

"Come in."

I sat down on his bed. He sat down on the other one.

"What do you need?" He asked.

"We need to talk."

"About what?"

"Our past."

"I don't wanna talk about that." Jason said.

"Well, we are. I saw you, Jason."

"Saw me what?"

"When Jeff and I were kissing, I saw you looking at us."

"So what?"

"You looked jealous, Jason."

Jason sucked his teeth and turned around.

"Look, I'm not here to rub it in your face. I just wanna know something." I said.

"What?" Jason said that like he couldn't stand me.

"Do you still love me?"

Jason got up and looked in my eyes so evilly. He pointed at me.

"Why are you always assuming things? Who ever told that bullshit is lying. Now get the hell out." Jason pointed to the door.

Forget it, I said to myself. I got up and walked to the door but I realized something and turned around.

"Jay, this is exactly what happened last time and with the way you just
reacted to me, I think you still do love me." I said.

"The keyword in that sentence was think. Get out." Jay opened the door.

Jason and walked out, as far as I was concerned, I didn't know him anymore.

******

Jeff, Matt, Amy and myself were on our way to the house show. Jeff was driving and I was in the passenger side. Matt and Amy were in the back making out. They had been doing that for about twenty minutes.

"Trish, you haven't said a word since we got on the road. Are you okay?"

I appreciated Jeff's concern but I really didn't feel like talking to him.

"I'm all right." I replied.

I knew Jeff didn't believe me but he said okay. I looked out of the window. I couldn't believe what Jason said to me. I was trying to work things out but he acted like he didn't give a damn. I knew something bad was gonna happen. I wanted to tell Jeff but I was too scared.

******

We were backstage at the house show in our dressing room.

"Trish, I can't stand it anymore. You're too quiet, what's wrong?"

"Jeff, I really don't wanna talk about it."

I looked at Matt and Amy on the other side of the room cuddling and talking. They looked so happy together. Jeff ran his fingers through my hair.

"What are you afraid of? I promised you I'd never hurt you when we first got together."

Jeff looked at me in my eyes. He was right and he was so good to me. I couldn't help it, I started to cry. I didn't feel safe, I wanted to feel safe. Jeff's presence did that. I wanted to be in his arms.

"Hold me." I said.

Jeff wrapped his arms around me. I felt so warm. That was when I knew I had to tell Jeff because I didn't want to lose him and I knew he wasn't gonna leave me over this. I sighed and said

"Promise me you won't get mad." Jeff kissed me.

"I promise."

I sighed again.

"Jeff... before I met you, when I was living in Canada... I was engaged... to Jason."

"Is that what you've been afraid of? Trish, your past is just that, your past. Jason has Denise now and I have you now. That was then and this is now. I love you." Jeff hugged me.

Jeff made me cry again. He was so calm about what I had just told him. I didn't have anything to be scared about all that time. He really loved me and I loved him. I never had a boyfriend like him. I still couldn't help but wonder if Jeff was really all that calm about what I just said.

******

I was walking to the women's locker room to go talk to Stacey. I needed advice from a girl's point of view. I needed to know if I should still try to work things out with Jason. I walked inside the locker room and Stacey was sitting at her mirror putting on makeup for her match with Terri. She looked up at me and smiled.

"Hey, Trish! How are you?"

"Terrible."

"Why?"

"It's a long story, Stacey. You don't wanna hear it."

"Yes, I do. I don't have to wrestleTerri until about an hour from now. I'm listening."

"Okay, you asked for it."

I told her everything and it was a long story but she still listened. I appreciated that.

"I think he still loves you, Trish, because if he's jealous about the fact that you're with Jeff, then it's obvious that he still has feelings for you. It's a good thing you told Jeff about that engagement before he found out in an another way but I don't think Jason told Denise about it though. If he did tell her, then he wouldn't have treated you the way he did that day. Jason has Denise now, he doesn't want to lose her, that's why he denied it, you know?"

I understood what Stacey was saying. She was saying that if Jason told me he did still love me that day, then something might of happened and it would've ruined his relationship with Denise. I felt the same way he did. I knew Jason still loved me but that wasn't the answer I wanted to hear because I wanted to be with Jeff, more than anyone else but he still shouldn't have talked to me like that. He could've just simply said no. That's when I knew that this was serious. I don't wanna ruin Denise and Jason's relationship but Jason looked real jealous that day I saw him watching me and Jeff kissing. I thought he had forgotten the past, I thought I had too but I was wrong, we both were wrong. Amy walked in the locker room and sat down beside me.

"Should I keep trying to work things out with Jason?" I asked Stacey.

"You gotta ask yourself this question first. Then you'll have the answer."

"What question, Stacey?"

"Do you still love Jason?"

"I don't know."

"If I were you, I would still need to work things out with Jason. Keep trying no matter what. If I know Jason, he's probably asking Adam for some advice right now too." Amy said.

"It's... it's just hard to lose the one you love, to finally have to say goodbye is the hardest thing to do, Amy. I can't pretend I don't love him but... I don't know if I do."

"I know, girl, I know. You try to be strong but the pain keeps holding on. You know it's time to move on, that's why you're trying to straighten things out but you're still holding on to those memories... the good times you had with Jason when y'all were together. I'm sure he is too. The emptiness for missing Jason will never ever end." Stacey said.

I started to cry. Everything Stacey & Amy said was true. I realized that I still missed Jason. Stacey got up and hugged me.

"It's okay, Trish. Hopefully, Jason misses you too."

"You know, sometimes... if there was one wish I could be granted right now, it would be to have Jason's arms around me. Sometimes I feel that way at night."

"Trish, what about Jeff?"

"I'm not leaving Jeff and Jason's not leaving Denise. I love him, just because I miss Jason doesn't mean our relationship has to end. I realized what the problem is... we never said goodbye."

"What do you mean?"

"Jason and I never said goodbye... it just ended... or at least we thought it did."

"Tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Tell me about the time when you two were together and why you and Jason broke up."

I thought about that for a minute. That was so long ago but I needed to get it off my chest. I told myself I might as well tell her. I just came here to get advice and she gave it to me but she gave me so much more.

"Okay... I guess... I'll start from the first time I met him." I said.

"You got thirty minutes."

"Well, I'll just get straight to the point. I had been wrestling with Adam and Jason in the CCW, Canada Championship Wrestling."

"You wrestled?" Amy asked.

"Yeah, I was as good as you, Amy, but I stopped to go to college so that I would have something to fall back on if wrestling didn't work out for me. Adam and Jason had got a offer from the WWF to go to their training camp and they accepted so they stayed there for about six months. Adam and Jason came back and said the camp had sent a tape with Jay and Adam's wrestling on it to Jim Ross to determine their future in the WWF and if he liked it, then he would send it to Linda McMahon and if she liked it, they would get signed to contracts. I was offered the same offers Adam and Jason were getting but I decided to go to college first. So one day, Linda called Jason's house and said she really liked the tape and wanted to sign Adam and Jason right away. That's when everything changed."

"How did Jason propose to you?" Stacey asked.

I smiled when I thought about that.

"Well, Adam and Jason had invited me and Allanah, Adam's fiancee, to Adam's house. So we rode over there. Allanah and I thought it was just gonna be a simple dinner but we were wrong. When we walked in Adam's house, they were candles lit everywhere and jazz music was playing. Allanah and I asked them what was going on. Jason took my hand and Adam took Allanah's hand. They sat us down on Adam's couch. All of a sudden, the lights came on and they were both on their knees. I started to cry and Allanah's eyes were as surprised as mine were. Adam asked Allanah to marry him and Jason asked me to marry him. They showed us these beautiful rings. There had to be at least ten carats in that ring. He said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I said yes and Allanah just kissed Adam so she accepted too. Jay was so beautiful that night."

"Okay, so how do you and Jason break up then?"

"Well, Jason came over to my apartment and told me Linda had signed him and Adam to a five year contract and I got mad because Jason didn't consult me about it first. Then, Jason said why should he have to consult me about things like that and I said because I was about to be his wife. Jason said I was taking it too seriously and then he asked me to come to the U.S. with him, Adam and Allanah. I told him I couldn't because I would have to say in college for another three years. Jason then said I didn't tell him I was in college. He got mad about that. So then we were arguing for a while. Then all of a sudden, Jason said he couldn't trust me in Canada without him by my side because I might cheat on him. I stopped and looked at Jason like he was crazy. After all this time we were together and right after he proposed to me, he thought I was gonna cheat on him."

"That would've made me mad too." Stacey said.

"Well, I got too mad, Stacey. I took off the ring and threw it in his face. I said when he went to the USA, he could take that cheap ring with him and give it to some bitch who he could trust. Then, Jason looked at me like I had killed his mother or something and I looked back at him in the same way. He took the ring and I never saw him again."

"Did you cry?" Stacey asked.

"No, I wanted him to leave after what he said. I said some mean things to him too. I didn't regret what I said but now I do. I never saw him again until that day he was looking at me and Jeff kissing. Can you believe that I was dating somebody else a week after he had left?"

"For real?"

"Yeah, I was that mad at him. I don't know when he started talking to Denise."

"Are you jealous of Denise?"

"No, Jason deserves a good woman and Denise is just that. Denise and I are friends. We met at K-Mart and she told me everything. She said she was engaged to Jason and she had on the same ring Jay had given me before but I wasn't mad. I didn't miss him at all but now..."

"It's coming back to you." Stacey interuppted.

"Yeah."

"Did you tell Jeff you missed Jason?"

"No, if I did that, Jeff would start assuming things and it was hard enough to tell him about the engagement. This is between me and Jason, not Jeff. I love Jeff but I don't want to lose him over Jason."

"Well, this is what you need to do. You need to walk up to Jaaon and tell him how you feel. We both know he feels the same way. Just tell him that you regret what happened that night and that you still want to be friends. You also gotta tell him that you regret you never had a chance to tell him goodbye."

"That's gonna be so hard for me to do. I gotta talk to Jeff about this first."

"You gotta talk to Denise about this too."

"I know... that's the worst part of it all."

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