102 Ways to tell if you are Chinese

  1. You love to go to $1.75 movies.
  2. You love to go to $1.50 movies even more!
  3. You don't order sweet and sour pork, egg foo young, or chop suey at a chinese restaurant.
  4. You have a pager, even though you don't really need it.
  5. You have a really nice pager, with an alphanumeric display.
  6. You have a cellular phone, even though you don't really need it.
  7. You hate to spend more than $5 for lunch.
  8. You drive a Honda.
  9. You have custom rims on your Honda.
  10. You have a chinese knick-knack hanging on your rearview mirror.
  11. You like to eat chicken feet.
  12. You suck on fish heads and fish fins.
  13. You turn bright red after drinking 2 tablespoons of beer.
  14. You can get a buzz on Coors Cutter, O'douls, or Miller Sharps.
  15. You look like you are 18.
  16. You always look up at women, if you are male.
  17. You always look up at chinese men, if you are female.
  18. You live at your parents house, and you are not claimed as a dependent by them.
  19. You only buy used cars.
  20. You have more than 5 remote controls in your TV room.
  21. You sing Karaoke.
  22. You have a custom stereo in your Honda with the custom rims.
  23. You entire house is covered with tile.
  24. You have those plastic walkways covering your hallway and other heavy foot traffic areas.
  25. You own a gun if you are male.
  26. You have plastic or some other kind of cover on your furniture.
  27. You leave the plastic on your lampshade for 10 years or more.
  28. You eat family dinners with the TV on.
  29. You love watching Connie Chung.
  30. You have an incredible amount of clutter in your house.
  31. You can't bear to throw away things.
  32. You are an engineer.
  33. Your dad washes his hair 4 times a year.
  34. You hate getting B's.
  35. Your house smells like preserved fish.
  36. Your house smells like chinese medicine.
  37. You have about 12-20 uncles and aunts.
  38. You've never kissed your mom or dad.
  39. You've never hugged your mom or dad.
  40. Your unassisted vision is worse than 20/500.
  41. You wear contacts, to avoid wearing your "coke bottle glasses".
  42. You've worn glasses since you were in fifth grade.
  43. You had a bowl cut before.
  44. You go to yard sales often.
  45. If you lose a dollar, you dwell upon it for more then 5 mintues.
  46. Your parents own a restaurant or grocery store.
  47. You love to "buck" the system.
  48. If you are overcharged you scream bloody murder, but if you are undercharged, you go your merry way.
  49. Your hair sticks up when you wake up.
  50. You get a rush from getting a good deal.
  51. You'll make ridiculous offers when bargaining. ("I'll give you $5 for that car")
  52. You'll haggle over something that is not negotiable.
  53. You love to use coupons.
  54. You drive around looking for the cheapest gas.
  55. You add twice the recommended amount of water when making orange juice from concentrate.
  56. You'll squeeze a toothpaste tube down to paper thin.
  57. You take showers at night.
  58. You'll drive around for hours looking for the best parking space.
  59. You'll learn about sex from someone other then your parents.
  60. You'll be convinced your parents had sex as many times as required to produce you and your siblings.
  61. You've never seen your parents kiss.
  62. You've never seen your parents hug.
  63. Your grandmother lives with you and your family.
  64. Your Honda has been "lowered".
  65. You never buy stuff from the concession stands at the movies.
  66. You tip 15% or less.
  67. You never order dessert at restaurants.
  68. You always have water only when dining out.
  69. You refuse to use the valet.
  70. You try not to use the bellhop, for fear of tipping.
  71. You avoid the non-free snacks in hotel rooms.
  72. You don't mind squeezing 20 people into one motel room.
  73. You want your dollar back from the friend who borrowed it right away.
  74. You get the runs when you drink lots of milk.
  75. Most girls have more body hair than you if you are male.
  76. You have a great love for cameras.
  77. Sanrio means a lot to you if you are female.
  78. Your fridge stinks.
  79. Your parents don't want you to move out when you turn 18.
  80. Your parents want to live with you when they are old.
  81. You tap the table when someone pours tea for you.
  82. You point to your nose when referring to yourself.
  83. You say "Aiya!" and "Wah!" frequently.
  84. You lie about your kids' ages when going to a movie or amusement park.
  85. You lie about your age to get a senior citizen's discount.
  86. You don't want to wear your seatbelt because it is uncomfortable.
  87. You love Las Vegas, slot machines, and blackjack.
  88. You love to play Mahjong.
  89. You want to marry chinese.
  90. You have to read all your parents' mail written in english.
  91. You have to make phone calls for your parents to english speakers.
  92. Your parents ask you if you are home when you come home. ("Faan nei lah?")
  93. You get a knuckle in your skull if you are being punished by your parents.
  94. You are constantly being set up with uninteresting people by your parents.
  95. You always hear about how great so-and-so's son or daughter is.
  96. Your Honda has the "boom".
  97. Your parents wish you would give 30% of your income to them.
  98. Your childhood is filled with painful memories of the long feather duster ("Guy Mo So")
  99. You can use the words "chink" and "chinaman" with impunity.
  100. Your clothes smell like fried foods.
  101. You talk at the top of your voice at all occasions.
  102. You hate eating cheese.

leftBack to Humor Home Last modified June 11, 2004 by Technology Corpse