Marriage: Before and After

 
Before: Twice a night.
After: Twice a month.
 
Before: She says she loves the way I take control of a situation.
After: She called me a controlling, manipulative, egomaniac.
 
Before: Lucy and Ricky
After: Fred and Ethyl
 
Before: Saturday Night Fever
After: Monday Night Football
 
Before: Don't stop.
After: Don't start.
 
Before: Is that all your having?
After: Maybe you should have just a salad, honey.
 
Before: Its like I'm living In a dream.
After: Its like he lives In a dorm.
 
Before: $60/doz.
After: $1.50/stem
 
Before: Turbo charged
After: Jump start
 
Before: We agree on everything.
After: Doesn't she have a mind of her own?
 
Before: Victoria's Secret
After: Fruit of the Loom
 
Before: Charming and Noble
After: Chernobyl
 
Before: Feathers and handcuffs
After: Ball and chain
 
Before: Idol
After: Idle
 
Before: I love a woman with curves.
After: I never said you were fat.
 
Before: He's completely lost without me.
After: Why won't he ever ask for directions?
 
Before: Time stood still.
After: This relationship Is going nowhere.
 
Before: Croissant and cappuccino
After: Bagel and instant
 
Before: You look so seductive In black.
After: Your clothes are so depressing.
 
Before: Oysters
After: Fishsticks
 
Before: I can hardly believe we found each other.
After: I can't believe I ended up with someone like you.
 
Before: Passion
After: Ration
 
Before: Romeo and Juliet
After: Bill and Hillary
 
Before: Once upon a time
After: The end

leftBack to Humor Home Last modified June 11, 2004 by Technology Corpse