Family Values. Just what are they? Can anybody tell me objectively what Family Values are? I didn't think so. Family Values is an Orwellian nightmare of a term that has crept into our collective consciousness in the Burroughsesque fashion of language acting as a virus. Any time I hear a politician speaking about Family Values my stomach turns and I ask which article of the Constitution is he going after this time.

Family Values, you see, are this mythical entity that politicians like to appeal to because words like Censorship have negative connotations attached to them and because people won't willingly give up their civil liberties if they are asked directly and honestly. Uncle Samuel won't say "I don't like this type of art, it offends my sensibilities and threatens my hegemony and I therefore wish to see it outlawed." This type of approach will naturally offend people and will sometimes lead to open rebellion. After all, Free Speech is a right we all claim to cherish.

If, however, the specter of Family Values is raised and a threat to Our Children is posited, the game is changed. Then the pundits sagely nod in agreement that We Must Save the Children from Filth and Keep the Streets Safe for Decency. Never mind that art, like commerce, sinks or swims in the same Free Market that these same Heads are always Talking about as though their ideology was either handed to them from on High or proven empirically in some laboratory setting somewhere.

Is it just me, or has anybody else noticed that the type of people who are most often apt to preach about Family are people like Nancy Reagan who have been divorced and are hated by their kids? Do as I say, not as I do, that is their mantra. Newt Gingrich asking his wife for a divorce while she was in the cancer ward is my favorite example of this kind of hypocritical, blatant disregard of common decency. The same people who talk about keeping the government of our backs are the same ones who want to tell us what we should be watching, reading, listening to, etc. The same ones who claim to know what Family Values are and don't want to hear my dissenting opinion. What's up with that?

Definitely, it is important for parents to teach their children values. Just as surely as it is not a job for politicians to do that. So, by all means, demonstrate to your child what you consider an upright way of life. Introduce them to the art and literature you find edifying. Just don't interfere with my right to do the same.