Poetry & Prose
TO A FRIEND

I look in your yes,
You look in mine
You ask how I'm doing
I tell you I'm fine.

You see me as normal
In every way
But I have a secret
That I don't want to say.

I have a disorder
But very few know.
I keep it hidden
And hope it wont show.

I don't want to tell you
So you wont think I'm weird
What you would think of me
Is a thought I have feared.

I have GAD,
So the doctors say
And every night I take a pill
To get me through the day.

Some days are worse than others
Sometimes the panic is bad
And sometimes I can't help crying
And sometimes I feel so mad.

Sometimes I just start shaking
And I feel like I'm loosing control.
If that happened what would you do?
How would you handle that role?

I don't know what to tell you
I just can't let you see
Nor many others around me
The truth of the secret in me
END OF A SCHOOL YEAR
What need have I for a year-book;
If I had one, who would sighn?
Their are only a hand full of people
Whose acuantance I can call mine.


If only they understood me,
If only I wasn't this way
Maybe things would be diffrent...
I hope that it will be someday.
Silent

Silent, silent, silent,
So many thoughts, emotions, and words
Inclosed in silence.
A racing heart, sweady palms,
Trembles and dizziness;
silent, silent, silent.
So many worries, so many tears
All silent.
Stiff limbs, a tourtured heart
Bright mind, great tallent;
Silent, silent, silent.
Wishes prayers, dreams
All silent.
Hope, depression, loanlyness,
Longing, anger, frustration;
Silent, silent, silent.
Life slipping away, fruitless
In silence.
Saddness, hurt, much time lost,
Painfull memories, embarrasment;
Silent, silent, silent.
Opportunities lost
In silence.
Yesterday viewed with regret,
Today lived in fear,
Future blured with apprehension;
Silent, silent, silent.

We are the endurers,
In silence.
Suffering, stunted, isolated,
Wanting there to be a cure,
Hoping the silence will be broken...
Mask Of Silence

I lay there in the darkness
My palms pressed to the bed
Trying to fight the current of thoughts
Raging in my head.

I'd done my best in practice
But somehow it went wrong
My hands just shook and tingled;
I could not rightly play the song.

I still could feel the terror from when
My hands first touched the keys;
I felt dizzy and I trembled
And weak at the knees.

When it all was over
I still did not feel well
A remnant still lingered
Of that 5 minute hell.

Once that we were home again
Up to my room I fled
And lay there in the darkness
Weeping on my bed.

I cursed myself for hours
For being so afraid
As I thought of all the many times
Fear had left me this dismayed

In my thoughts I screamed, "Please help me!"
Like you did when I was small
Dad and Mom, Can't you mend me;
Like you did my broken doll?

I need you mom and daddy,
But I'm too afraid to ask
Is there any way that you can see
Beyond my "silence" mask?

Dad and mom can you see it?
The pain I feel inside?
Do you see the suffering
For so long I've tried to hide?

I need you mom and daddy,
But I'm too afraid to ask;
Is there any way that you can see
Beyond my "silence" mask?
Life is a prison,
Oh God let me out.
No one to listen,
To hear when you shout.

Climb the walls of insanity,
Ride the waves of despair.
If you fall it doesn't matter,
There's no one to care.

I used to wish for a window,
To see birds, trees and sky,
But you're better without one -
Stops you from aiming too high.

Watching freedom is painful,
For those locked away.
Seeing joy, love and happiness,
Another price you pay.

strong is good, weak is bad.
Be it false, be it true.
Your mind makes the choice,
And enforces it too.

Cell walls built by society,
With rules to adhere.
If you breach the acceptable,
You had better beware.

Hide the pain, carry on,
Routine is the key.
Don't let on that you're not,
What you're pretending to be.

Lock it all up inside you,
How badly that bodes.
Look out for that one day,
When it all just explodes.

So how do you grow,
With a timebomb inside?
Or how to defuse it,
Without destroying its ride?

You can't.
                   -Anononymous