.: Story Jokes :.


A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate, and elegant - especially in her language - was planning a week`s vacation in Florida so she wrote to a particular campground and asked for a reservation. She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn`t quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn`t bring herself to write the word `TOILET` in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term `BATHROOM COMMODE.` But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So, she started all over again, rewrote the letter and referred to the bathroom commode merely as the B.C.

`Does the campground have it`s own B.C.?` is what she actually wrote. Well, the campground owner wasn`t old-fashioned at all and when he got the letter, he just couldn`t figure out what the woman was talking about. That B.C. business really stumped him. After worrying about it for a while, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn`t imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about the location of the local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply:

Dear Madam: I regret very much for the delay in answering your letter. I now take the pleasure in informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people usually take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late. The last time my wife and I went was six years ago and it was so crowded that we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now, there is a supper being planned to raise money to buy more seats. They`re going to hold it in the basement of the B.C. I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly but it is sure no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather. If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks. Remember, this is a friendly community.

-

One day three teenage girls were driving along when they had a terrible accident. They were sent to Heaven. At the gates, they met St. Peter. He said to them, "Welcome to Heaven. There is only one rule here, don`t step on ducks, don`t bother them, just leave them alone. If you bother them in anyway you will be handcuffed to the ugliest person in Heaven for all eternity."

The first teen thought that was rather funny and in all her laughter stepped back almost falling over. "QUACK!" She had stepped on a duck and so she was handcuffed to the ugliest person in Heaven. The other two teens walked around Heaven constantly torturing their unlucky friend.A s fate would have it, the second teen stepped on a duck also. She was handcuffed to the second ugliest person in heaven.

The two girls sat moping at the fact that they were chained to these people for eternity. The next day they saw the third teen. She was handcuffed to the most gorgeous guy they had ever seen. She looked at them, realizing their questioning eyes, and said, "HE stepped on a duck."

-

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. If it just sits in your living room and messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place, then you either married it or gave birth to it!

-

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"

"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I`ve just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned. "That`s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn`t it?"

Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That`s because he`s inside your stupid cat."

-

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds,

"But they are twins--if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

-

A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away. "Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asked the doctor. "Sure, after the police leave," replied the lawyer.