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| BIO-COPS. Starring - Stephen Fung - Sam Lee - Alice Chan. Director - Steve Cheng Wai-Man. Now where shall we start? Are you interested in what association this movie has with the classic (not) Bio-Zombie? Are you excited by the prospect of Stephen Fung displaying is ample acting charms? Or are you even in the slightest bit interested in how this movie can enrich your life? If the answer to any of the above is yes then I shall try and explain this wondrous and fulfilling experience that is Bio-Cops. The basic premise of Bio-Cops is that the evil Westerners are funding research into the ‘Painless warriors project’. Scared yet? Alas the experiments go awry when soldiers begin to show unforeseen reactions to the genetic changes their bodies are going through. Like death for example followed by an insatiable appetite for human flesh. MMM tasty. But they don’t feel pain so it’s ok then. Hurrah let the experiments continue. Anyway I stray from the plot. Dr. Harry (lead military scientist in this matter) is infected himself after being bitten by a painless warrior. He decides his best course of action is to fly to a small country outpost in search of a cure. Things are not going too well though for Harry as he starts to develop a mild skin rash, followed by delusions of grandeur and the extreme desire to form a new race of which he calls ‘New humans’. These humans must have the ability to follow his every wish and also be able to swim without water. Uncannily difficult. Stand in front of a large mirror, close your eyes and pretend to swim in the deep blue sea. Now open your eyes and see if you too have this special ability to ‘Swim without water’. If you too possess this special gift then please contact Steve Cheng Wai-Man and I am sure he will be able to offer you a starring role in his next helmer. Oh the fondness of swimming without water. It is a skill I lack at this time. If only there was a grand master of Swimming without water….Ahem sorry. Anyway back to this captivating movie. Harry continues on his tyrannical rampage to become the king of zombies and promptly begins to bite anyone within spitting distance. But who will stop him? Marco that’s who. A disgruntled cop with a yearning for love and romance, and a penchant for big guns. Oh the countryside hasn’t seen this much excitement since Mrs Miggins of Ye Olde Tee Shoppe lost her glass eye in the Vicars oxtail soup. Oh how we laughed. Right that’s the synopsis over with. What more can I say, Bio-cops has all the hallmarks of a classic movie which should be enjoyed by generations to come. A breathtaking zombie/comedy that will appeal to both young and old. Stephen Fung is simply outstanding as the downtrodden Marco and deserves an Oscar nomination for his portrayal. Sam Lee and Alice Chan are captivating when on screen… I can’t continue with this anymore. This movie is the biggest pile of artificially inseminated Donkey sperm I have ever seen. The acting is dire, the filming and camerawork are atrocious, the prosphetics are expertly applied by guide dogs for the blind, the musical score is laughable and the story is pathetic. I would rather watch two lepers’ mud wrestle for 20 minutes than sit through this torturous garbage again. The highlight of this movie is when the director goes for the heartstrings. Marco’s best friend Milky is infected by the disease and asks Marco to kill him before he turns. Fairly reasonable request. Oh dear I can feel myself filling up with tears all over again. Anyway Milky has one other request, that he be allowed to climb in his locker before Marco commits the final act. Now what the fuck for? As far as last requests go that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard or seen. I know where I would like to be when I finally meet my maker and it’s not inside a bloody locker with the door shut whilst my mate blows my brains out. I don’t normally ruin a film by telling you the outcome but in this case I will. After all I wouldn’t want any of you to waste your existence viewing this crap. Harry is killed, Marco gets infected everybody dies. The end. Oh by the way this movie has sod all to do with Bio-Zombie. 0 star's. |
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