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| THE TUXEDO. Starring - Jackie Chan - Jennifer Love Hewitt - Jason Isaacs. Director - Kevin Donovan. 2002. Before writing this synopsis I feel compelled to tell you that this is all mindless drivel, the type that leaves you wondering why does JC take on all these inferior US roles? Anyway JC plays Jimmy Tong a cab driver who stumbles into the employ of Clark Devlin, international superspy and ladies man. After a ludicrous assassination attempt leaves Devlin incapacitated Jimmy is flung into the world of Mr. Devlin. Jimmy assumes his identity and goes all out to stop the evil maniac who did this atrocious act from ruling the universe. Now this all sounds like familiar spy type stuff but here’s where the mindless drivel starts. Jimmy is aided by a technological breakthrough in the guise of … wait for it… a tuxedo! This tux has been blessed by the almighty Julie Andrews herself. Some serious special extras are included via the handy watch interface provided; just tap in the word dance followed by samba and our hero trips the light fantastic. Push in fight bad guys and Jimmy becomes Wong Fei Hung. Tap in masturbate like an amphetamine fuelled gibbon and Jimmy speed spanks the monkey. Ahem sorry, do you get the idea? This movie is drivel, pure undiluted drivel. The only upside to this movie is that we do get to see some above average choreography. I was surprised however to see an overuse of wires, something Jackie has used sparingly throughout his career, in this case it is in keeping with the movies direction but it doesn’t really do anything for the film. To be honest it probably increases the stupidity factor by 10. Shame as the fight scenes are well worked and are typically funny in only a way Chan could do but they are just too stupid to actually accept and it is all the fault of the wire-work. At times seemingly controlled by a bunch of infant school children after milk break, at others more akin to a Stevie Wonder sewing class. On the acting side things are just as bad, JC tries hard to appease but probably too hard and things aren’t helped for him by the inclusion of the critically acclaimed Jennifer Love Hewitt? She is here basically to pull in the teen male audience, you can’t blame the director for this brilliant marketing ploy, but to have her actually try and act was straight out of the stupid box. Nobody came into this movie wanting to see her anyway, so the best choice would have been to have kept her fucking trap shut through the entire movie, at least leave her with some credibility as a serious pair of breasts. What is Chan thinking, why is he accepting these scripts? First Strike, Rush Hour and now this! Why Jackie why, don’t you remember the good old days? Young master, Police Story, Drunken master 2, you were my hero, my reason for spending so much time in front of the TV constantly rewinding as yourself, Sammo and Yuen got it on. I know you are getting on and I know your body cannot do the incredible feats it once did, but please NO MORE SHITTY US DRIVEL. I am awarding this movie 3 stars simply because the under 10 market will love it, and anything that keeps the kids quiet for 90 minutes has got to be worth such a high rating, even if it is mindless drivel. 3***stars. |
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