By Linda C. (Huskyandstarch@aol.com)
& Kathy Kellenberger
 
 

Chatper 12
 

I woke up to the smell of fresh coffee brewing and turned to squint at the alarm clock on the bedside
Table.  It read 7 am.

Coffee? What?  I tried to shake the cobwebs from my brain, it had been a lousy night I'd spent it holding Starsky close to me, that seemed to be the only way that he could sleep at all after that terrible nightmare that he had had.  I knew we would need to talk that one out, but would wait til Starsky was ready.

I instintively looked over to see if Starsky was still asleep.  Most mornings he was.

"Starsk… Starsky?"

He wasn't in his bed. What the hell, "Hey Starsk?"

I quickly grabbed my robe, tying it around my middle as I got up to find my partner.

"Hey buddy, you ok?  Where are you?"

No answer.

"It's kind of early for you to be up.  How are you feeling?"

I looked in the bathroom, no Starsky.  Walked out to the living room and the couch was empty too.  I glanced at the kitchen counter and saw the coffee pot brewing.  I felt panic creeping up on me.

"Come on partner, where are you?"  (Please be all right)

"Out here Hutch."

I found Starsky sitting slumped dejectedly on the swing in the green house, an empty watering can in his hands.  The air was chilly this time in the morning.

"You ok?"

He had his robe wrapped around him. I quickly looked him over, he looked so tired and he looked so very sad.  I repeated myself.

 "Hey, are you ok?  You know it's kind of chilly out here, why don't we go back inside?  The last thing that you need is to catch a cold, Dr. Kellerman would kill me."

He started to get up out of the swing but I could see it was difficult for him so I reached down and he let me help him to get up, handing me the empty watering can.

"Thought I'd water some of the plants for you, but the can’s too heavy with the water in it.  Can't even water the plants anymore."

Something was bothering my partner and I knew we would have to talk about it soon.

"I did manage to make coffee for us.   I wanted to do something for you for a change, I know it's not much but I couldn't think of anything else that I could still do."

"Aw babe, that's nice but you didn't have to do that."

"Yes I did.  Hutch, you have put your life on hold for me...how many months has it been now?  I gotta try to do something.  I'm just trying to give a little back.  At least I can make coffee for you.  God knows I can't do anything else without your help… can't take a bath by myself,  can't even tie my own shoes.  Sometimes I feel so damn useless and I wonder if  it would have been better if I'd just…..maybe you'd have been better off  if........"

"Starsky!  Damn it Starsk!  Stop it!  Stop it now!"

He could feel and hear the frustration, anger and hurt in my voice and he looked up at me.

"Don't you talk like that buddy.  Don't ever say anything like that to me again.  Do you think that for one minute my life would be better without you?  Well partner let me tell you… and you listen, listen good.  When you got shot and the doctors told me they didn't think you would survive even the night,  I felt like I was shutting down, dying right along side of you.  I couldn't imagine my life without you in it.  I still can't.  There is not one minute in the day that goes by that I don't thank God above for letting you live.  If you had died, I don't know what I would have done, I just know that the best part of me would have died right there beside you."

"When you woke up from your coma all I could think of was just let him live, let him be ok.   Even if you could never be a cop again, it didn't matter.  We'd find something else to do.  It just mattered that you were alive.  Starsk,  please don't ever think that life could possibly be better for me if you hadn't made it.  It would have destroyed me."

By now there were tears beginning to cloud my vision.

"I love you partner, do you hear me, and I need my best friend right here with me."

Starsky knew he had upset me with all this.  He laid his hand on my arm.

 "Hutch, I didn't mean to upset you, I'm glad I made it, and it’s because you care so much about me that I feel that way.  If  it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have tried so hard, but sometimes I wonder if it's gonna get any better?  It's the pain talking and a part of me knows that, but I just don't know how to stop it Hutch.”

Starsky's hand squeezed my arm.  He looked so sad and defeated.  I would not let him give up.  I saw him shaking.   We weren’t going anywhere until my partner told me what was bothering him.
 
 

Chapter 13
 

“Starsk?  What’s wrong?  Please talk to me.  You still shook up about that nightmare you had last night?”

Starsky looked away from me, not wanting me to see the tears welling in his eyes.

“I don’t want to talk about it Hutch.  I can’t.”

“C’mon Starsk.”  I gently turned him toward me and lifted his chin, wanting him to look at me.

“Please Hutch, don’t make me…It was horrible…They’re all bad, but this one was the worst.”

Starsky tried to pull away from me again, but I would not let him.  I had to appear in court today and could not leave him like this.  Talking always helped both of us.

“Starsky,  I want you to tell me about the dream.  It was only a dream buddy, but it has you really bothered.  Let’s get it out in the open.  It will help you and it will help me.  I don’t want to see you hurting like this Starsk.”

Starsky relaxed a bit in my hold and began to talk.

“Hutch…”

I could see it was hard for him to start.  So I probed deeper.

“Was it about Gunther, Starsk?  About the jacket or the pictures?”

“No…It was about me at first…I was dead… and the dirt was being shoveled onto my coffin.  I could see it coming.  I felt like I was suffocating.  I didn’t feel dead.  I didn’t want to be dead.”  Starsky was crying more heavily.

“Get it out buddy.  I’m right here.”

“But Hutch…in the dream…in the fucking nightmare…you…you…Oh God!”

“Starsk…it’s okay.  It was only a dream.  I know they seem real, but they’re not.  Tell me about it, then we can deal with it.”

“Hutch….”

“Aw Starsk…try to relax…I hate to see you this upset.”  I wiped at his tears.

“Hutch, in the dream I was dead and could see everyone at my funeral.  Then I saw you…God you looked so sad and alone.”

“I would be sad and alone without you buddy.”

“No Hutch…that’s not the worst part.  You tried to kill yourself in the dream.  You shot yourself with your Magnum…because of me.   Promise me Hutch that you would never do anything stupid like that.  Even if I don’t make it, I need you to go on.”

Starsky was trembling and I could see that crying so hard was hurting him physically.  He reached for his stomach and I knew he was going to be sick.  He wasn’t going to make it to the bathroom so I reached for the watering can.   I held him tight as he heaved.  God, I can’t imagine how awful that nightmare must have been for him.  I know if  it were me having that dream and Starsky would have tried anything stupid…I would be feeling the same way.

“Shh….It’s okay Starsk.  It’s gonna be okay.  Just a dream…only a dream babe.  I’m still here and you’re still here.  We’re here together and you’re gonna make it.  Now I don’t want to hear anymore talk like that okay?  The pain brings you down…it’s not always going to be like this…I promise you Starsk.  Trust me okay?”

Starsky did feel better after talking about the nightmare.  I know it was so hard for him to do…God please let him have some peace.  Tell me what I can do for him.  I’ll do anything.

"Hey Blondie, that fresh  coffee’s  gonna be mud if we don't drink it  soon.  I'd bring you a cup but I honestly don't think I could get up off this swing right now.  Guess that's what I got you for?"  He gave me one of his lop-sided grins.  He needed to change the subject and I was glad he got it out.

I rubbed my partner's shoulder and ruffled his rumpled curls.  “You're crazy you know that?"

"Oh yeah, well all those years of hanging around you wore off I guess.”

He pretended to duck out of my way.  Normally this would have been when I threw a pillow at him.  My smartass, dirtball partner knew he had my heart.  I smiled and helped my friend inside and got him settled on the couch, wrapping him in a blanket to get him warm.

I poured two cups of coffee, put in 2 teaspoons of sugar in his and brought the two cups over to the couch. I handed him his.  He just looked at me.

“Hutch....I want some more sugar."

"Nope, you are not gonna drink coffee with your sugar.”

I sat down in the chair next to the couch.

..............

Oh, well no time like the present.

"You know I have to testify today?  Hug is going to come over and stay with you until I get out of court."

Starsky looked over at me.

"Oh shit, I forgot you have to testify today, shit."

I knew he didn't want me to go.

"Hutch I don't need a babysitter, I can just lay around on the couch until you get back home.  Maybe even make myself a decent cup of coffee."

I knew Starsky was afraid of what I might do if Gunther's lawyers pushed me.

"I should be there with you Hutch.  Maybe I can…”

"No, absolutely not buddy, I'm not gonna risk anything happening to you, we already made one unwanted trip to the ER, let's not push our luck.   Besides, your doctor would kill me if he found out I let you go back into that courtroom after what happened. No way."

He opened his mouth to say something.

"Starsky, this is not up for discussion, you are not going anywhere.  Huggy will be here in about an hour and I should be back by nightfall.  Starsky?"

He looked at me,  pissed off, not at me but at his situation. He knew that I was right.  He also knew that I wasn't going to change my mind.

"Ok, but I don't have to like it do I?"

I smiled at him, "No you don't."

"But, Hutch promise me you won't do something crazy.  Nothing foolish.  If anything ever happened to you…it would kill me."

"Starsky, I promise I'll be on my best behavior, nothing is gonna happen to me.  I'll just answer their questions and then come on home.  If you feel up to it maybe we can play a game of Monopoly after dinner?”  He didn't say anything.  "Hey, I'll be back before you know it.  Remember, I am the level headed, laid back half of this partnership."

"Yea, right, I know you Blondie.  I saw what you did to that reporter that made me fall at the courthouse.  Cap'n tried to block my view but I saw, you were barely in control."

I looked at Starsky.

"I didn't know you saw that, I didn't mean for you too."

(Damn, Starsky hadn't missed a thing)

...........

I made some breakfast and blackmailed Starsky into eating it.  I told him if he ate what was on his plate I'd promise not to do anything to get myself in trouble in court.
 
 

Chapter 14
 

Huggy was here and I had to leave for the courthouse.  I spoke to Starsky one more time, reassuring him that everything would be just fine.  I'm not sure that he believed me but he nodded and sighed an ‘ok’.  He would not look up at me.

I showed Huggy where all of  Starsky's medications were, showed him the notepad on the kitchen counter with my pager number and Dr. Kellerman’s  number on it, with explicit instructions that if my partner needed anything, anything at all, to page me.  I suggested to Huggy that he might want to try to get Starsky to lie down for a nap, that way he would sleep most of the time I was in court and wouldn't have too much time to worry about me.  Huggy pushed me through the front door.

"Go my man, he'll be just fine.  You just go do what you have to do.  Nail that bastard."

"Thanks Hug, I owe you a big one."

...................

(Starsky hated not knowing what was going on in court, he hated Hutch being subjected to Gunther's lawyers and all their accusations.  He knew Hutch was like a golden cobra just waiting to strike out)

...............

(It was almost 4pm and Hutch wasn't home yet)

Huggy knew that Starsky was hoping Hutch could step out of the courtroom for a minute and call.

I watched Starsky slowly and painfully get up off the couch.  I tried to make him lie down and rest but he refused.  He was too keyed up.  I made a move to help him get up but he made it up on his own, not without a visible amount of pain.  He went to the bathroom.

(Come on Hutch, I really don't know what to do with this partner of yours,  he needs you man, no one else will do.)  Huggy shook his head in frustration, then heard choking sounds coming from the bathroom.

"Starsky, my man, what's wrong?  What can I do to help you."

I stood by helplessly and watched as Starsky's stomach turned inside out.  He retched violently and groaned after each spasm.

"Oh, God Hug, it hurts like hell, I don't know how much more of this I can stand.  I need Hutch.  Why isn’t he home yet?  I hope nothing went wrong.”

I stood there with him, he didn't seem to want me to help him, I knew from the years of friendship with these two that the only comfort each of them ever got was from the other, and I wasn't Hutch.

(Come on Hutchinson,  get your ass home.)

Starsky sat down on the side of the bathtub and wiped his face with the damp washcloth that I handed him.

"Stay put man."

I hurried back into the living room and paged Hutch.  I don't think it was more then a minute later the phone rang.

"Huggy, what's wrong, is he ok?"

"Hutch he's been sick and he won't let me help him.  He won't take any pills because he wants to be awake when you get home."

I heard Hutch moan at the other end of the phone line.

"Ok, look Hug, tell him I'm on my way home right now, they're through with me anyway.   I was just walking out of the courtroom when I got your page.  Make sure that he knows that I'm ok and that everything went fine.  Hug, don't let anything happen to him."

I went back into the bathroom to stay with Starsky until Hutch got home.
 
  Conclusion
Back to Linda's Page
Back to Kathy's Page
Back to Gallery