TITLE: Expense reports, Fish sticks, and a game of Truth-or-Dare
AUTHOR: S. M. Spencer (also known as Detoured)
RATING: Probably PG-13. There are a few naughty words.
ARCHIVE: Anywhere, as long as my name goes with it.
DISCLAIMER: I pledge allegiance, to the show, that was created by Chris Carter. And to the production company, for which it stands, 1013, and 20th Century Fox who own all claims to these characters, with liberty and conspiracy for all.
SUMMARY: I think the title sums it up.

Apartment occupied by Fox Mulder
Friday, 7:30 p.m.

"Hey Scully, you're early."

"Thought I'd try and beat the storm."

"Yeah. It's really coming down out there. I heard 6 inches by morning and another 6 tomorrow."

"Really? Do you think I can come in now Mulder?"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. Make yourself at home."

Scully removed her wet coat and sat down on Mulder's couch. She had an arm full of files.

"So, whatta we got here, partner?" Mulder asked, taking a seat beside her.

"Expense reports. Lots of them. Skinner wants them in by 8 a.m. Monday morning."

"And you need my help because....?" Mulder asked.

Scully gave him one of her looks. "Because-I'm not gonna be stuck in all weekend working on them alone. If we both do it, it'll get done faster."

"What, did you have big plans for the weekend Scully?"

She cleared her throat. "It's none of your business", she said matter-of-factly.

"Sure. Fine. Whatever."

A few minutes later....

"How in the hell can you spend so much money on sunflower seeds?" Scully asked her partner.

"Don't blame me, blame my damned oral fixation." He replied.

Scully's mind started to wonder after his reply. How many times she had wished that she could trade places with one of those seeds just to feel the taste of his pouty lips.

"Scully, Earth to Dana!"

"Oh, sorry. What is it Mulder?"

"I said, do you want something to eat?"

"Yeah, that sounds good. Mind if I turn on the TV to check the forecast?"

"No, go ahead." Mulder got up and made his way into the kitchen. Scully tuned the TV into the Weather Channel.

Mulder opened his refrigerator, and what he saw was quite disturbing. "Shit. Scully's gonna kill me. I invite her over, and I don't even have any damned food."

"What's that Mulder?" Scully called from the other room.

"Nothing. Everything will be ready in just few minutes."

Mulder was staring at a 6-pack of beer and a container with green fungi growing all over it. It looked like an 8th grade science project. He then opened the freezer. "Thank you Jesus." There he found a box of fish sticks. He quickly threw them in the oven and searched the cupboards for anything else.

About 15 minutes later, Mulder emerged from the kitchen. He had a plate of fish sticks, half a bag of Ruffles, and a 6-pack of beer.

"Dinner is served."

"Oohh, Mulder. Fish sticks. Did you know that fish sticks really turn me on?"

Mulder looked at her in disbelief. "You know, you've really gotta get out more Scully." They both laughed, and dug into their food.

"So weather girl, what's the forecast? Are we gonna be stuck in here forever?"

"Well, at least for a while. There's a level 3 snow emergency, which means the roads are shut down. I hope you don't mind having some company for a little while longer."

"Not at all. But I'm afraid that if it lasts too long we'll starve."

"You mean to tell me that this is all the food you have in the whole house?"

Scully asked.

"No, I've got some sunflower seeds."

"Mulder, when was the last time you went to the grocery store?"

"Well, remember when we went on our little venture to Antartica?" Scully nodded. "About a month before that."

Scully chuckled. "What am I gonna do with you Mulder?"

He didn't reply. He just smiled.

10:45 p.m.

"Finally finished. God, I never thought we'd get that done. Thanks for all your help Mulder."

"No problem. Dammit!"


"The fucking cable just went out. Shit!"

"Mulder, there is life beyond television."

"Yeah, but the Knicks are playing on the west coast and the game just started." Mulder whined.

"Oh, you poor baby." Scully mocked him.

"Now what are we gonna do?" Mulder asked.

"We could play a game."

"Okay, how about strip poker?"

Scully shook her head.

"Strip Jenga?"


"Strip Twister."

"Mulder! No!"

"Why not?"

"Because. Now, why don't we play Truth-or-Dare."

"Strip Truth-or-Dare?"

"Mulder, there is no such thing. Now, I get to go first. Truth or Dare?"

"Truth, I guess."

"Okay Mulder." Scully thought for a moment. "Who was the best lover you ever had?"

"Scully! My, my. Shouldn't have had that second beer now, should've we?"

"Mulder, just answer the question."

"Okay. Let's see. I guess that would have to be....um, Diana Fowley."

Scully cringed. "Mulder, I want you to know that I am sorry from the bottom of my heart. You poor thing."

"Ha-ha. Okay Scully, how about you?"

"My best lover? Um....Jack Willis. I guess."

"Whatta you mean, you guess?"

"Well, I don't know if I would consider him a lover. I mean, I don't think that I really loved him. You know what I mean?"

Mulder nodded. After a few moments, he finally spoke. "Okay Scully, my turn. Truth or dare?"


"What's your favorite sexual position?"

"Mulder!" Scully blushed.

"Scully, you have to answer the question."

"Let's just say that that is something that I don't discuss. One must find these things out for himself." Scully was feeling a little daring, so she scooted closer to him on the couch. They gazed into each others eyes for what seemed like an eternity.

Mulder cleared his throat. "Hey, I'm getting tired of this game. Maybe we should do someting else."

"Like?" Scully leaned closer.

"Like, listen to the radio!" Mulder got up and moved over to the stereo. Scully was disappointed. She was afraid that she had crossed the line.

Mulder grabbed the stereo remote and went back to sit next to Scully. He turned it on and began flipping through the stations.

-I wanna sex you up-


-I smell sex and candy, yeah-


-I'm too sexy for my shirt-


-This kiss, this kiss-


-I'll make love to you-


"Okay, well, that's enough of that." Mulder said as he got up and replaced the remote back on the stereo.

"Mulder, what's wrong? You're acting very strange."

He began pacing around the room. "No, no I'm not. What makes you say that Scully?"

She walked over to him and grabbed him by the arm. "Mulder, talk to me."

He took a deep breath. "I don't know Scully."

"Mulder." She looked at him intentively and led him back over to his couch.

Mulder took her hand. "Scully, it's just that-well, having you here, having you so close-I love it but--"


"But--You're driving me crazy!"

"I'm driving you crazy?" Scully was utterly confused.

"Yes, but not like you think. You come in here, in your tight jeans and that perfume--God, Scully-that perfume--and it takes all I have to keep my hands off you. I try to hide it by joking around, but that's just not working any more. You are my best friend, and I know that I can tell you anything."

"You can Mulder, you can."

"I know that this could jeopordize are friendship, and our working relationship. And I don't want to lose you Scully, but--

"You're starting with the 'buts' again Mulder."

He smiled. "I love you Scully." He held his breath.

"I love you too Mulder."

"You do?"

"Jesus yes. I can't believe you didn't know that?"

"Well, I did know that you loved me, but, I didn't know that you loved me-loved me."

"Yes, I love you-love you."

"Me too." He pulled her into an embrace and began to kiss her passionately.

After what seemed like forever, they stopped to catch their breath. "So, you wanna go try out my water bed Scully? It's gotta mirror and everything." He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

She smiled. "Sure. And you just might find out the answer to that question you asked me earlier Mulder."


AUTHOR'S NOTES: This was written to relieve the stress of finals. Sorry if it sucked. As always, feedback is always welcome-good or bad. I live for feedback! (isn't that sad?) Anyway, email me with comments at detoured@hotmail.com

"We are but visitors on this rock, hurling through time and space at 66,000 miles an hour. Tethered to a burning sphere by invisible force, in an infathonable universe."
--Fox Mulder, The X-Files