Dashing through the sub
In the middle of the night
Admiral Nelson he fell down
And didn't feel quite right
Along came Captain Crane
Who called Doc right away
Jamie took one look
Said get him to sickbay
IV lines, IV lines
Hanging from a hook
As it drips in Nelson's arm
Jamie takes a look hey
IV lines, IV lines
Hanging from a hook
As it drips in Nelson's arm
Jamie takes a look
Now sickbay is dark
And Nelson is asleep
The command crew they come in
To have a little peep
Glad that he's ok
They all sigh in relief
This trip turned out alright
And didn't end in grief
IV lines, IV lines
Hanging from a hook
As it drips in Nelson's arm
Jamie takes a look
IV lines, IV lines
Hanging from a hook
As it drips in Nelson's arm
Jamie takes a look
************
T'was the night before Christmas, and all through Seaview,
Not a creature was stirring. . .now there's something new!
The Reactor Room and Lab were all guarded with care,
In the hopes that the Lobster Man wouldn't be there.
The Admiral was snuggled all warm in his bed,
While visions of Nobel Prizes danced in his head.
When down in the Missile Room, there arose such a clatter,
That he sprang from his bunk to see what was the matter.
"Aw. . .not on Christmas Eve," Nelson cried with a groan.
"Just for once, you'd think the Rock Men could leave us alone!"
Then what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But a Mini-sub and an officer in full scuba gear.
The driver was so tired and sarcastic, by heck,
That Nelson knew in an instant it must be the Exec.
His uniform was all tattered and his collar all twisted,
His hair looked like a tornado had narrowly missed it.
A strand of bright tinsel was draped o'er his ears. . .
Nelson knew he'd been Christmas shopping at Sears.
Chip's language was salty as he turned with a groan,
And Nelson listened as Morton started to moan:
"A hundred and twenty five stockings to fill. . .
"Just wait until NIMR gets this year's #@$! bill!
"Cigars for Curly; some German lessons for Lee;
"A quart of industrial-strength hair spray for 'Ski!
"Sedatives for Doc. . .a gallon should do,
"That ought to hold him for a day or two.
"For the Admiral, a bushel of pretty green and blue lights,
"They don't do anything, but they make Seaview look bright!
"For me, some paint remover guaranteed to remove gilt,
"And some Molly McButter. . .seems the salt got all spilt."
The XO finished his work and called it a night,
But Nelson heard him exclaim as he limped out of sight,
"The Admiral's orders always keep me hopping. . .
"Next year, he can do his own @#!%% Christmas shopping!"
************
Dashing through the sub on a typically normal day
Monsters on the loose, screaming all the way
They do the Rock-n-Roll, tossed and knocked about
What fun it is to run amock amid the groans and shouts
Hey -
Chorus
We’re in a dive, We’re in a Dive, sinking all the way
I bet you didn’t think you’d have such a busy day
Hey -
We’re in a dive, We’re in a Dive, what will we ever do
If we can’t pull her up real soon this sub and crew are through
I thought I’d take a cruise and see the world wide
And leave behind my woes, my cares and loving bride
But this just can’t be true, there must be some mistake
These orders I’ve been given just have to be a fake
Hey -
Chorus
We’re in a dive, We’re in a Dive, sinking all the way
I bet you didn’t think you’d have such a busy day
Hey -
We’re in a dive, We’re in a Dive, what will we ever do
If we can’t pull her up real soon this sub and crew are through
************
You know Naut'lus and Angler and U-444,
Tetra and Vulcan and sad Polidor,
But do you recall
The most famous su-ub of all?
Seaview, the glass-nosed su-ub,
Had a very able crew.
Captain, Exec, and Admiral
Always knew just what to do.
All of the other su-ubs
Used to laugh and call them weird.
But when the aliens landed
Seaview'd go where they all feared.
(verse repeats)
So all the Navy's admirals
Used to come to them for help.
Johnson and Stark and Tobin
Couldn't do a thing themselves.
Then one scary Christmas Eve
Tobin came to say:
"Nelson, with your crew so bright,
Won't you save our world tonight?"
Then how the Navy loved them:
Nelson, Sharkey, Chip and Lee.
They all said, "Here's to Seaview –
She'll go down in history!"
************
************
It's beginning to look a lot like Seaview
Ev'rywhere you go;
Take a look in the missile room, trouble brewing again
With Mermaids, Aliens and more
It's beginning to look a lot like Seaview
Monsters at every turn,
But the scariest sight to see is the German who will be
Hiding inside Lee!
A pair of dampening rods and a new laser beam
Is the wish of Nelson and Crane.
Dolls that don't talk and toys that won't walk
Is the hope of Sharkey and Doc
And Riley and Ski can hardly wait for shoreleave to start again.
It's beginning to look a lot like Seaview
Ev'rywhere you go;
There's a plant in the Reactor room, in the Flying Sub as well,
The leafy kind that grows and grows and glows!
It's beginning to look a lot like Seaview
Soon the boat will sail.
The Exec will make the call
Plotting one more Seaview Voyage
Singing Dive All Dive!
************
I Saw Kreuger
(to the tune of "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus")
SueI saw Krueger enter Captain Crane
In sickbay while the doc's back was turned.
No one else there saw it.
Now they think that I've lost it.
I shot my best friend, doc shot me and I was fast asleep.
Then Lee told Chip it was fast on the top
and hit him when Chip tried to question him.
So Chip at least believes me know,
And will let me rescue Lee.
And bring him back to Doc in sick bay.
************
Theresa
I broke my leg and hurt my head.(Chorus)
Oh, I'm getting tortured for pleasure.
These Voyage writers are mad.
I'm being beaten for pleasure,
And all of these women are glad.
I've hovered close at death's dark door.
Fan fiction's killing me.
I opened the reactor core.
Fan fiction's killing me.
Now I can glow in the dark,
The admiral thinks it's such a lark.
I've just been eaten by a shark.
Fan fiction's killing me.
(Chorus)
Oh, I'm getting tortured for pleasure.
These Voyage writers are mad.
I'm being beaten for pleasure,
And all of these women are glad.
I caught pneumonia on the docks.
Fan fiction's killing me.
I've just come down with chicken pox.
Fan fiction's killing me.
Someone shot me in the gut,
Caught an arrow in the butt,
Both my eyes are swollen shut.
Fan fiction's killing me.
(Chorus)
Oh, I'm being tortured for pleasure.
These Voyage writers are mad.
I'm being beaten for pleasure,
And all of these women are glad.
************
Bruce
Once again, it's Christmastime on Seaview,
Many miles from home.
We can't even stop to use the telephone.
Cookie's made a turkey out of meatloaf
Eggnog from seaweed.
When Chip hears there's no rum he'll be really t'd.
Here we are on the ocean's floor,
That valve's stuck once more, but then,
Crane follows Clark through the access duct,
Gets his arm unstuck, once more.
We'll save the world, this crew that man's the Seaview
If the fates allow
We'll hang Nelson's four stars from the highest bough
And have ourselves, a Merry Seaview Christmas now.....
************
Bruce
I'm sinkin' Seaview for Christmas
Crane's nice young body is mine.
I'm sinkin' Seaview for Christmas
So Lani will once more be mine!
I took over Captain Crane
They'll never get rid of me.
The crew thinks that he's gone insane,
They'll never get rid of me.
Nelson thinks he's got a plan
With Morton he will make a stand
They plan to sink my is-land
They'll never get rid of me.
OH
I'm sinkin' Seaview for Christmas
Crane's nice young body is mine.
I'm sinkin' Seaview for Christmas
So Lani will once more be mine!
Kowalski saw my sub appear
They'll never get rid of me.
As if it came out of thin air
They'll never get rid of me.
Nelson buried me at sea
Gave a bad salute to me
I'll return just wait and see
They'll never get rid of me.
OH
I'm sinkin' Seaview for Christmas
Crane's nice young body is mine.
I'm sinkin' Seaview for Christmas
So Lani will once more be mine!
************
Sailing through the sea
Just above the ocean's floor
Seaview has to stop
When they hear the monster's roar.
A giant mass of kelp
Makes Seaview 'rock 'n roll'
The Admiral yells out orders
So that we regain control.
Send a charge, send a charge
A charge out through the hull
Hook up a big cable, bring reactors up to full.
Send a charge, send a charge
A charge out through the hull
Hook up a big cable, bring reactors up to full.
Cruising through the ocean
Chasing a giant whale
Until that big fish turned
and hit us with his tail
It ate the diving bell
Lee went outside to fight
He beat the whale now Cookie says
There's whale steaks for tonight!
Send a charge, send a charge
A charge out through the hull
Hook up a big cable, bring reactors up to full.
Send a charge, send a charge
A charge out through the hull
Hook up a big cable, bring reactors up to full.
************
Nancy
On the Twelfth Day of Voyage the Seaview gave to me:
Twelve Blue-suits dying,
Eleven Scientists lying,
Ten plots depressing,
Nine Aliens possessing,
[Take a deep breath!]
Eight Abominably Indestructible, Mechanically Left-Handed,
Shadowy, Snow-Plant-Lobster Men of Many Faces [pant, pant, pant]
a-taunting,
Seven Ghosts a-haunting,
[Another deep breath!]
Six Deadly Creatures Below the Deadly Waters of the Deadly Cloud
of a Deadly Invasion of Deadly Amphibian Dolls [pant, pant]
a-daunting,
[You're almost there!]
Five Golden Chips!
[Huge sigh of relief!]
Four Dopplegangers,
Three Giant Whales,
Two Leprechauns,
And an Admiral in a Hairy Wolf Mask!
*****
Now I'll go back to work. ;-)
************
Bruce
The Seaview's approaching crush depth,
The Seaview's approaching crush depth,
The Seaview's approaching crush depth,
Whatever that is this week!
What ever the depth,
We Know we can go
The writers will just make it
A little deeper you know.
Look out Lee there is a mine field,
Look out Lee there is a mine field,
Look out Lee there is a mine field,
There's hundreds of mine.
The minisub goes
With extras as crew
You know they died last week,
And they'll die this week too!
The Admiral's become a werewolf,
The Admiral's become a werewolf,
The Admiral's become a werewolf,
And the Captain has too!
The doc has a cure
He's certain of that,
If we could just stop them
From chasing the cat!
The Seaview's approaching crush depth,
The Seaview's approaching crush depth,
The Seaview's approaching crush depth,
For the twelfth time this year!
************
Santa got run over by the Seaview
Bringing gifts to Nelson Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for Me and Morton, we believe.
It seems Cookie spiked the eggnog,
So Patterson jsut couldn't steer
Then yelled Kowalski at the sonar
Look out! There's 8 scuba diving deer!
When the harness heit the intake
Cooling water couldn't flow
The reactor overheated.
Sharkey yelled "Get out of here it's going to blow!
Santa got run over by the Seaview
Bringing gifts to Nelson Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for Me and Morton, we believe.
But the Admiral took it calmly
"Reverse the engines, all back full!"
Santa appeared and chuckled warmly
"Though you could get me? April Fool!"
Santa got run over by the Seaview
Bringing gifts to Nelson Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for Me and Morton, we believe.
************
It's Amazing, Grace
(to the tune of It Came Upon a Midnight Clear)
(Try to guess where Grace left off and I started---Bruce)
It came upon a sonar screen, that hideous sea monster bold
>From aliens hovering near the earth to grab a ton of gold
Piece of the Earth, go kill some men.
The alien general said
and don't forget to sink that sub,
I want Admiral Nelson Dead
The seaview running at ninety feet
with Crane at the periscope stand
When just by chance he caught a glimps
Of where the monster did land
Bring us about,two thirds ahead
I saw something strike the sea,
and call the Admiral to the nose
lets see what we can see.
The aliens started to build their base
An undersea mining complex.
With one huge monster made of kelp
Their fragile home to protect.
"All Stop!" Lee cried as he saw the thing
"Admiral what make you of that?"
Nelson thought it might be their pet,
The way that we'd keep a cat.
"More like a guard dog" said Lee "Look there.
The thing is approaching us now!"
It crept up closer and then reach out,
Grabbed Seaview by the bow.
"Lee bring reactors up to full
Send a charge out through the hull"
The poor thing took a fatal shock
And curled up into a ball.
The Seaveiw moved in closer then
And Docked with the alien base
When Nelson opened up the hatch
You should have seen his face!
"IT's you" he said "I thought you learned
Not to mess with the human race."
THe aline shook his head and said
"Once more we're beat and disgraced."
So all the aliens have left the earth
And Seaview still rules the waves
Her gallant crew is now filled with mirth
And laughed for days and days.