Two Guys, a girl and Mother's Day - Aired May 12, 1999

Guest starring Anthony Stewart Head as Professor Steretski

MICHAEL: Whoa, ho, ho, where're you going?
ASHLEY: That's Dr. Steretski, he's amazing, I have to meet him
Escuse me, Dr. Steretski? I'm Ashley Walker (90k)
DR. STERETSKI: Enchanted
MICHAEL: And I'm her boyfriend, Michael Bergen
DR. STERETSKI: Really (57k)
ASHLEY: We're the top two students in the class, one, two
DR. STERETSKI: Buckle my shoe
ASHLEY: Buckle my shoe, brilliant and funny
DR. STERETSKI: Lovely and perceptive
ASHLEY: Oh professor
MICHAEL: Nauseous and sick (213k)
MICHAEL: Come on honey, the back row's filling up
ASHLEY: No, no, no wait. Professor I really enjoyed your journal article
on hydrotherapy and the regeneration of muscle after trauma
DR. STERETSKI: Thank you, I've written more on the subject (26k)
You'd probably devour my entire body of work (29k)
ASHLEY: Oh, I'm sure I would
DR. STERETSKI: You should apply to be my new research assistant (57k)
It would be a pleasure to have you on my staff (30k)
MICHAEL: Well, time for class
DR. STERETSKI: It's been nice meeting you both (19k)
Perhaps we can talk about it later (17k)
MICHAEL: Devour his body of work?
ASHLEY: What's the problem?

MICHAEL: Oh nothing, I just couldn't tell if we were in a med school lecture
or a med school porno film
DR. STERETSKI: Good morning, I am Dr. Steretski (39k)
I became a professor of anatomy because I am in awe of the human form (84k)
The body's capacity for terrifying violence and tender passion
has aroused men's fascination since the beginning of time (110k)
I will teach you to love the human body, as I do (52k)
MICHAEL: I'm Dr. Steretski, I became a professor of anatomy so I could be - a dirty old man (115k)

Classroom pictures by the Watcher's Tower

MICHAEL: Ha! There you are
DR. STERETSKI: Why yes, you've caught me red handed, at home, in my office (73k)
I'm sorry Mr. Bergen, if you are here for an interview the job is already taken (24k)
MICHAEL: Lemme guess, you've already given the job to Ashley.
DR. STERETSKI: Yes, she came in and she performed marvelously (45k)
MICHAEL: Oh my god, I'm too late aren't I?
DR. STERETSKI: I'm afraid so (26k)
Now if you'll excuse me (12k)
MICHAEL: Why? Why is Ashley on her way back here?
DR. STERETSKI: No
MICHAEL: Where is she?
DR. STERETSKI: Not here
Now will you go away, I have some finishing touches to do on my latest painting (34k)
MICHAEL: Oh, you mean your latest nude painting? DR. STERETSKI: Yes
MICHAEL: You make me sick (72k)
DR. STERETSKI: I'm sorry if it makes you feel so uncomfortable
But that's your hang up, not mine (41k)
The great artists of the renaissance through their work were the first teachers of anatomy (44k)
MICHAEL: Oh you and your high and might mumbo-jumbo.
It's people like you, people like you that - ah - whatcha doing?
DR. STERETSKI: The naked body is a beautiful thing.
What better and more available subject than myself (34k)
That's why I do nude self-portraits (34k)
MICHAEL: Oh, oh! Ah - lovely - uhm - I love the way you've captured the -
with the - uhm - oh - so you don't paint much in research assistants?
DR. STERETSKI: Of course not, that would be obscene (17k)
MICHAEL: Ah, well, one of us is really, really embarassed and oddly enough,
it's the guy wearing clothes. I'm just gonna go
DR. STERETSKI: Mr. Bergen will you do me a favour?
Ashley is doing research for me in the medical library.
On your way home would you swing by and let her know that her paranoid, insecure, and I might add irritating boyfriend has just got her fired (129k)
MICHAEL: Sure thing.

Go to Home page