*To Sleep, Perchance to Dream* by Sarah Wait

_________<wait@forbin.com>______

Lt. Nathan West sat outside of the housing unit he had recently used as a landing pad, watching the first of the planet's moons descend through the sky. He rested on a mangled piece of metal and wood, which appeared to have once been part of a bunk bed. The moon sank slowly beneath the horizon, and Nathan sighed deeply as he watched it disappear.

Saunders, Pearson, Michaels and Hawkes were inside, attempting to get some rest before their scheduled pick-up. Fairbanks had stormed off after their spat, and Nathan found himself snidely hoping she got toasted by a few overlooked Chigs.

Nathan swore under his breath, pounding the butt of his rifle into the dirt at his feet. They really didn't need a lookout; there were enough ground troops milling around as it was. He was exhausted, but as tired as he was, he needed time to think. Try as he might, he could not get her voice out of his head. The words from their argument echoed over and over. . .

". . . Everyone knows you abandoned Captain Vansen andLieutenant Damphousse to save some half-dead civvies."

"One of those *civvies* was my girlfriend!"

"Everyone knows that, too. Killed off half your squadron for some bitch who didn't like being a POW. . ."

The door behind him opened with a slight screech. Nathan started at the noise, then grinned ruefully at Lt. William Saunders. "Hell of a lookout I am, huh?"

Saunders chuckled softly as he settled onto his own piece of bunk bed remains. "Yeah, I imagine surviving a murder attempt might distract a person. But what's the real problem?"

Nathan swore again. "I know I shouldn't let it bother me,considering the source. But some of the things she said . . . they really hit a nerve - a raw one."

"Your girlfriend?" It was more a statement of fact than a question.

"Yeah. She sure knows what buttons to push. . . This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. Sure, I wanted to find Kylen. Of course I did. But I didn't want it to be at the expense of three of my best friends. I feel like I traded them for her. I never wanted that. Never."

Nathan shifted uncomfortably, then continued. "When this whole thing started, I . . . I did something stupid. I made a decision, without thinking about how it would affect the 58th. Yet Shane and Coop risked their lives and their careers to come after me, and 'Phousse and Paul covered all our butts. I didn't ask them to do that, but they did it anyway. I should have known they would do it again. I should have realized what would happen. I should have known, I should have stopped them, I . . ."

"Wait a minute, West. There was nothing you could have done. Nothing. No one asked you to make the choice for them; they made it themselves. And I'll bet that you would have made the same choice if it had been the other way around."

"Yeah, I know, I know. But I still feel guilty. And for that bitch to exploit that. . . Damn!"

Nathan swore again and pounded his rifle into the dirt. "And now, I don't even know what's going to happen with Kylen. I don't feel any more sure about our future than I did before. She's back on Earth, and I'm here. And after all that's happened . . . how do you do it, Saunders? How do you and your girlfriend deal with all this?"

"How did you. . .?" Saunders looked confused, then he grinned sheepishly as comprehension dawned. "Damn, I should know not to mix tequila and beer." He sighed deeply, letting his breath out slowly as he sorted through his thoughts.

"I don't have any answers for you, West. I don't know what's going to happen with Linda. I mean, it's been so long, and we're so far away from each other. . . I don't know what it'll be like when I get home. . .*if* I get home. So much has changed - I've changed. Hell, we've *all* changed! We've had to, or else we never would have made it this far. So I don't know. I guess it all depends on how we deal with the changes in ourselves and in each other."

Saunders stopped talking, looking a bit surprised at the depth of thought and emotion he had just shared. He shrugged and grinned broadly at Nathan. "So you know all about my girl - love at first sight, I tell ya. Your turn. Was that how it was with you?"

Nathan grinned and shook his head. "Nah, Kylen and I grew up together. Knew each other since we were in diapers. She was like my baby sister, and as we got older, we got to be best friends. Then one day I finally woke up and realized I was completely in love with her. Guess it took me forever to get a clue through, 'cause she was about to give up on me."

Saunders and Nathan both grinned at the ignorance of youth. After a moment, Saunders turned serious once again.

"So, she didn't give up on you back then. So don't give up onyourself now. If Vansen and Damphousse and Wang really are alive, you'll find them. And you know we'll help you and Hawkes any way we can."

"Sounds like a deal to me," Nathan stuck out his hand, glad to find a friend in the middle of chaos. "And now, I'm gonna find somewhere to crash."

Both men winced at Nathan's poor choice of words, then Saunders laughed. "Go ahead and take my bunk - I'm gonna stay out here for a while. You know, ponder the meaning of life, good versus evil, stuff like that. . ."

Nathan chuckled as he opened the door and made his way to the empty upper bunk. He pulled himself onto the mattress, then peered through the gaping hole near the end of the bed. As he drifted off, the planet's second moon began its ascent into the night sky, flooding the room with moonlight.

 

* * * * *

 

"Well, hello, Wang Paul. I have a surprise for you."

Lt. Paul Wang gave up his attempt at sleep as the Silicate's voice echoed through the room. In the background, the monotonous drone of his "confession" clicked off for the first time in what seemed like forever. The momentary silence was almost startling, but it didn't last for long. Elroy had another surprise. A new disk. He hoped it wasn't another recording of Shane being tortured or Vanessa quietly crying. Those were unbearable, especially since it meant they must be nearby. Almost againsthis will, Paul listened curiously as Elroy's new round of torture began.

The piercing sound of the Saratoga's clarion broke through thesilence, and a wave of pure homesickness coursed through what was left of Paul Wang's body. He only briefly wondered how Elroy could have obtained an optical disk from the 'Toga before his attention focused on the scene before him.

It was a funeral. His funeral. No doubt these startling images were supposed to wound him deeply, but Wang no longer cared if everyone thought he was dead. What captured his attention were the two caskets next to his - one for Shane and one for Vanessa.

"Poor Wang Paul. Nobody believes you're alive. No one will come looking for you - to them, you're dead and buried. Buried in space. And they think your two friends are dead, too. So sorry, Wang Paul. But remember, no one ever said life was fair. And frankly, neither is death."

Elroy continued to rattle on, but Paul ignored him, straining to hear the audio from the disk. Sure enough, it confirmed his suspicions. Even if the SAR teams had managed to find remains, there was a chance that Shane and Vanessa were alive - everyone on the 'Toga knew that. After all, the 'Toga lab was not known for its accuracy in identifying the dead . . .

But more than that, the tape proved one thing for certain - Coop and Nathan were alive. He could see them plain as day, their eyes glistening as Commodore Ross read the letter from McQueen.

Elroy had obviously meant the tape to be an instrument of torture, intended to cause mental anguish as Poor Wang Paul witnessed his own funeral. And it would have caused him anguish - not for himself, but for Shane and Vanessa. But Paul had seen the stubborn set to Nathan's jaw, the determined fire in Coop's eyes. They hadn't given up, and Paul knew they would search until they found the truth. He might be all but dead, but there was still hope for Vanessa and Shane.

Paul closed his eyes and willed himself not to betray his true emotions. The "torture" Elroy had brought for him had not caused him pain - instead, it had given him hope.

 

* * * * *

 

Vanessa stared into the blackness, humming softly to herself. She sat on her pile of rags, arms around her knees, rocking slowly. She had decided long ago that this was what solitary confinement must be like. "Except with light," she amended aloud.

The AI's had never taken her away to be tortured, as they had with Shane. Instead, they had confined her to this small, windowless room. The AI's must have known of the time she had been temporarily blinded; she supposed they had hoped the blackness of her cell would be a painful reminder of that incident. However, she had long since grown accustomed to the total darkness. They had obviously underestimated her, for she had merely drawn upon her memories and experiences from that time and applied them to her current situation.

It had been harder to get used to the isolation. Instead of torture, the AI's approached her with kindness. After long periods of isolation, they would suddenly bring her out, treat her nicely, and talk with her, eventually working their interrogation into the conversation. They apparently assumed that after so long alone, she would crave any interaction - even with a Silicate. Vanessa snorted delicately at the thought. "AI's definitely have a lot to learn about human behavior."

Yet she did look forward to her little "visits," mainly because the AI's were not the best at following strict schedules. She often saw things she probably shouldn't have - one time, she could have sworn she had seen Elroy, the AI who had tortured Paul and had tried to blow up the Saratoga. But more importantly, on a few occasions, she had actually seen Shane. She remembered the first time she had seen her friend, being dragged out of the cell next to the one she was returning to. She had thought she was dreaming, until she heard the curses Shane was leveling at the AI's. No way could her subconscious have come up with creative terms like those.

 

'Phousse had always felt as if someone familiar was close by, and now she knew why - Shane was right next door. The thumping sound she heard at regular intervals was the door to Shane's cell opening and closing as they took her to and from her torture sessions. Seeing Shane had uplifted her spirits, and she realized that as long as she had her "visits," she would have a chance to see Shane.

So, she continued to play along, giving the Silicates the idea that she was breaking, while never really answering any of their questions. The AI's believed many of her actions were signs that she was wearing down - such as when she hummed quietly to herself for hours or held one-sided conversations with the empty cell.

She spent a lot of time humming, she figured, remembering song lyrics and poems she had long since forgotten. Most of them brought back happy memories of her family and friends. The one she was trying to remember now brought back memories of the 58th. Her grandmother had played it for her as a child - the artist had been a good friend of hers. Vanessa could only remember part of the chorus, but those few lines fit them all so well. She smiled as she softly sang the words:

"My failings are many and my faults are great

But it has been my glory.

I've felt love, and I've seen hate

But it has been my glory,

To bear witness to life."

At first she had tried not to think of the 58th, because the pain of their separation was unbearable. But now, those thoughts brought her comfort and strength. Especially ones like the time she and Shane had been prisoners together on Kaz --

*THUMP*

'Phousse smiled at the sound. It meant that the AI's had brought Shane back from her session of torture. It seemed a bit strange, but the sound of the door was reassuring. "If they're torturing her, it means she's not dead," Vanessa stated matter-of- factly. The darkness offered no reply, as usual.

'Phousse sighed and reclined onto her bedding. Time to rest now, until the next thump. She briefly wondered if it was night or day, then put the thought out of her mind as she quietly began to sing herself to sleep.

 

* * * * *

The rough hand on Shane's back pushed her through the door, then slammed it shut behind her. She stumbled forward a few steps, then dropped gratefully to her knees. Virtually crawling to the pile of clothes that served as her bed, she collaped on top of them, thankful to again be in her small, cramped cell.

She had no idea how much time passed before she felt strong enough to move. With a loud groan, she pushed herself onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. Hours and days had lost all meaning a long, long time ago. Now she measured her life in torture and recovery, with a few brief, shining moments when they accidentally allowed her to catch a glimpse of 'Phousse.

She wished they would allow her to see 'Phousse more often, but they were probably all aware of the fiasco on Kazbek, where a few lowly human females had escaped from their best set of AI's. Shane grinned faintly at the memory, well aware of the fact that neither she nor Vanessa would have the strength to pull off a similar escape now.

The room began to lighten as moonlight crept through the ceiling of her cell. For some reason, the Silicates had given her a cell with some sort of skylight - another form of torture, she supposed. And indeed it was, for she could not resist gazing at the stars she loved, watching them without the hope of ever being amongst them again. The moon was rising, and Shane waited patiently for it to appear in her limited section of the sky.She had seen plenty of misshapen moons in the last year or so, but this was the strangest-looking one she had ever seen - billions of years ago, a huge meteorite or asteroid or *something* had taken a huge chunk out of one side of the moon. It sort of resembled a cookie that someone had taken a bite of, then forgotten.

As she stared out at the moon in the night sky, she listened closely. There it was - sometimes, if she was absolutely quiet, she could hear 'Phousse singing quietly next door. She wondered how 'Phousse was holding up, and wished fervently that she could just talk to her again - or any of the Wildcards. The moon blurred, and she slowly wiped a tear from her cheek. She was so tired. All she wanted to do was sleep. Just sleep. . .

Captain Shane Vansen fell into an exhausted slumber, lulled to sleep by the distorted sound of singing and cradled in the light of a misshapen moon.

 

* * * * *

 

Tired. . . so tired. If he could only just sleep. . . no, that wasn't right. He was already sleeping.

Lt. Nathan West lay sprawled across a top bunk inside the housing unit. His brow furrowed slightly as his semi-conscious mind tried to determine his exact situation.

This must be a dream. Well, that was okay. Dreaming was fine, especially now that he had found Kylen. No more nastystumbling-across-a-rotted-corpse-on-some-strange-planet dreams. For a while, the Kylen-dreams had been interspersed with Neil-dreams, but they had stopped a few months ago. Now he had nice memory-dreams. Thankfully, he hadn't had nightmares about Shane, 'Phousse, and Wang, as he had worried. Nathan snuggled down under his blanket and let himself sink farther into uncon-sciousness. . . into his dream.

He was tired. Exhausted. And sore. He hurt everywhere. If he didn't move, it wasn't *quite* as bad. It was dark, but there was a little light coming from somewhere. He didn't know where he was, but he had a sense of security. Someone familiar was near. A friend. He could hear a voice, and somehow he knew it belonged to that friend. The voice seemed to be singing, but he couldn't make out the words. Yet the voice was so familiar. . .

Suddenly, light broke through the darkness, and he jerked his head up to find the source. There it was - he could see it through the ceiling. It was a moon, but one of the weirdest moons he had ever seen. What could have caused a moon to have a huge chunk missing from its side?

Nathan awoke with a start, his head spinning and his breath coming in huge, heavy gasps. He collapsed back onto the bed with his head in his hands, trying to regain his senses. After a few moments, he began to breathe normally again. He opened his eyes to the semi-darkened room, his gaze traveling along the ceiling to peer through the hole near the foot of his bed - and the oddly misshapen moon filling the room with its light.

Stunned, he simply stared for a few seconds. Could it be possible?? Making his decision, Nathan swung his legs over the side of the bunk and dropped silently to the floor. He made his way to where Cooper Hawkes dozed comfortably and shook him awake.

"Huh?? Whazzup? Nathan?" Cooper looked up at him, his eyes unfocused and his mind foggy with sleep.

The look on Nathan's face pushed away the lingering remnants of sleep. "What's goin' on?" Coop whispered urgently.

"I know where they are. Shane and 'Phousse are here."

 

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END OF PART 6

Sarah Wait

wait@forbin.com