*To Sleep,
Perchance to Dream* by Sarah Wait
_________<wait@forbin.com>______
Lt. Nathan West sat outside of
the housing unit he had recently used as a landing pad, watching
the first of the planet's moons descend through the sky. He
rested on a mangled piece of metal and wood, which appeared to
have once been part of a bunk bed. The moon sank slowly beneath
the horizon, and Nathan sighed deeply as he watched it disappear.
Saunders, Pearson, Michaels and
Hawkes were inside, attempting to get some rest before their
scheduled pick-up. Fairbanks had stormed off after their spat,
and Nathan found himself snidely hoping she got toasted by a few
overlooked Chigs.
Nathan swore under his breath,
pounding the butt of his rifle into the dirt at his feet. They
really didn't need a lookout; there were enough ground troops
milling around as it was. He was exhausted, but as tired as he
was, he needed time to think. Try as he might, he could not get
her voice out of his head. The words from their argument echoed
over and over. . .
". . . Everyone knows you
abandoned Captain Vansen andLieutenant Damphousse to save some
half-dead civvies."
"One of those *civvies* was
my girlfriend!"
"Everyone knows that, too.
Killed off half your squadron for some bitch who didn't like
being a POW. . ."
The door behind him opened with a
slight screech. Nathan started at the noise, then grinned
ruefully at Lt. William Saunders. "Hell of a lookout I am,
huh?"
Saunders chuckled softly as he
settled onto his own piece of bunk bed remains. "Yeah, I
imagine surviving a murder attempt might distract a person. But
what's the real problem?"
Nathan swore again. "I know
I shouldn't let it bother me,considering the source. But some of
the things she said . . . they really hit a nerve - a raw
one."
"Your girlfriend?" It
was more a statement of fact than a question.
"Yeah. She sure knows what
buttons to push. . . This wasn't the way it was supposed to be.
Sure, I wanted to find Kylen. Of course I did. But I didn't want
it to be at the expense of three of my best friends. I feel like
I traded them for her. I never wanted that. Never."
Nathan shifted uncomfortably,
then continued. "When this whole thing started, I . . . I
did something stupid. I made a decision, without thinking about
how it would affect the 58th. Yet Shane and Coop risked their
lives and their careers to come after me, and 'Phousse and Paul
covered all our butts. I didn't ask them to do that, but they did
it anyway. I should have known they would do it again. I should
have realized what would happen. I should have known, I should
have stopped them, I . . ."
"Wait a minute, West. There
was nothing you could have done. Nothing. No one asked you to
make the choice for them; they made it themselves. And I'll bet
that you would have made the same choice if it had been the other
way around."
"Yeah, I know, I know. But I
still feel guilty. And for that bitch to exploit that. . .
Damn!"
Nathan swore again and pounded
his rifle into the dirt. "And now, I don't even know what's
going to happen with Kylen. I don't feel any more sure about our
future than I did before. She's back on Earth, and I'm here. And
after all that's happened . . . how do you do it, Saunders? How
do you and your girlfriend deal with all this?"
"How did you. . .?"
Saunders looked confused, then he grinned sheepishly as
comprehension dawned. "Damn, I should know not to mix
tequila and beer." He sighed deeply, letting his breath out
slowly as he sorted through his thoughts.
"I don't have any answers
for you, West. I don't know what's going to happen with Linda. I
mean, it's been so long, and we're so far away from each other. .
. I don't know what it'll be like when I get home. . .*if* I get
home. So much has changed - I've changed. Hell, we've *all*
changed! We've had to, or else we never would have made it this
far. So I don't know. I guess it all depends on how we deal with
the changes in ourselves and in each other."
Saunders stopped talking, looking
a bit surprised at the depth of thought and emotion he had just
shared. He shrugged and grinned broadly at Nathan. "So you
know all about my girl - love at first sight, I tell ya. Your
turn. Was that how it was with you?"
Nathan grinned and shook his
head. "Nah, Kylen and I grew up together. Knew each other
since we were in diapers. She was like my baby sister, and as we
got older, we got to be best friends. Then one day I finally woke
up and realized I was completely in love with her. Guess it took
me forever to get a clue through, 'cause she was about to give up
on me."
Saunders and Nathan both grinned
at the ignorance of youth. After a moment, Saunders turned
serious once again.
"So, she didn't give up on
you back then. So don't give up onyourself now. If Vansen and
Damphousse and Wang really are alive, you'll find them. And you
know we'll help you and Hawkes any way we can."
"Sounds like a deal to
me," Nathan stuck out his hand, glad to find a friend in the
middle of chaos. "And now, I'm gonna find somewhere to
crash."
Both men winced at Nathan's poor
choice of words, then Saunders laughed. "Go ahead and take
my bunk - I'm gonna stay out here for a while. You know, ponder
the meaning of life, good versus evil, stuff like that. . ."
Nathan chuckled as he opened the
door and made his way to the empty upper bunk. He pulled himself
onto the mattress, then peered through the gaping hole near the
end of the bed. As he drifted off, the planet's second moon began
its ascent into the night sky, flooding the room with moonlight.
* * * * *
"Well, hello, Wang Paul. I
have a surprise for you."
Lt. Paul Wang gave up his attempt
at sleep as the Silicate's voice echoed through the room. In the
background, the monotonous drone of his "confession"
clicked off for the first time in what seemed like forever. The
momentary silence was almost startling, but it didn't last for
long. Elroy had another surprise. A new disk. He hoped it wasn't
another recording of Shane being tortured or Vanessa quietly
crying. Those were unbearable, especially since it meant they
must be nearby. Almost againsthis will, Paul listened curiously
as Elroy's new round of torture began.
The piercing sound of the
Saratoga's clarion broke through thesilence, and a wave of pure
homesickness coursed through what was left of Paul Wang's body.
He only briefly wondered how Elroy could have obtained an optical
disk from the 'Toga before his attention focused on the scene
before him.
It was a funeral. His funeral. No
doubt these startling images were supposed to wound him deeply,
but Wang no longer cared if everyone thought he was dead. What
captured his attention were the two caskets next to his - one for
Shane and one for Vanessa.
"Poor Wang Paul. Nobody
believes you're alive. No one will come looking for you - to
them, you're dead and buried. Buried in space. And they think
your two friends are dead, too. So sorry, Wang Paul. But
remember, no one ever said life was fair. And frankly, neither is
death."
Elroy continued to rattle on, but
Paul ignored him, straining to hear the audio from the disk. Sure
enough, it confirmed his suspicions. Even if the SAR teams had
managed to find remains, there was a chance that Shane and
Vanessa were alive - everyone on the 'Toga knew that. After all,
the 'Toga lab was not known for its accuracy in identifying the
dead . . .
But more than that, the tape
proved one thing for certain - Coop and Nathan were alive. He
could see them plain as day, their eyes glistening as Commodore
Ross read the letter from McQueen.
Elroy had obviously meant the
tape to be an instrument of torture, intended to cause mental
anguish as Poor Wang Paul witnessed his own funeral. And it would
have caused him anguish - not for himself, but for Shane and
Vanessa. But Paul had seen the stubborn set to Nathan's jaw, the
determined fire in Coop's eyes. They hadn't given up, and Paul
knew they would search until they found the truth. He might be
all but dead, but there was still hope for Vanessa and Shane.
Paul closed his eyes and willed
himself not to betray his true emotions. The "torture"
Elroy had brought for him had not caused him pain - instead, it
had given him hope.
* * * * *
Vanessa stared into the
blackness, humming softly to herself. She sat on her pile of
rags, arms around her knees, rocking slowly. She had decided long
ago that this was what solitary confinement must be like.
"Except with light," she amended aloud.
The AI's had never taken her away
to be tortured, as they had with Shane. Instead, they had
confined her to this small, windowless room. The AI's must have
known of the time she had been temporarily blinded; she supposed
they had hoped the blackness of her cell would be a painful
reminder of that incident. However, she had long since grown
accustomed to the total darkness. They had obviously
underestimated her, for she had merely drawn upon her memories
and experiences from that time and applied them to her current
situation.
It had been harder to get used to
the isolation. Instead of torture, the AI's approached her with
kindness. After long periods of isolation, they would suddenly
bring her out, treat her nicely, and talk with her, eventually
working their interrogation into the conversation. They
apparently assumed that after so long alone, she would crave any
interaction - even with a Silicate. Vanessa snorted delicately at
the thought. "AI's definitely have a lot to learn about
human behavior."
Yet she did look forward to her
little "visits," mainly because the AI's were not the
best at following strict schedules. She often saw things she
probably shouldn't have - one time, she could have sworn she had
seen Elroy, the AI who had tortured Paul and had tried to blow up
the Saratoga. But more importantly, on a few occasions, she had
actually seen Shane. She remembered the first time she had seen
her friend, being dragged out of the cell next to the one she was
returning to. She had thought she was dreaming, until she heard
the curses Shane was leveling at the AI's. No way could her
subconscious have come up with creative terms like those.
'Phousse had always felt as if
someone familiar was close by, and now she knew why - Shane was
right next door. The thumping sound she heard at regular
intervals was the door to Shane's cell opening and closing as
they took her to and from her torture sessions. Seeing Shane had
uplifted her spirits, and she realized that as long as she had
her "visits," she would have a chance to see Shane.
So, she continued to play along,
giving the Silicates the idea that she was breaking, while never
really answering any of their questions. The AI's believed many
of her actions were signs that she was wearing down - such as
when she hummed quietly to herself for hours or held one-sided
conversations with the empty cell.
She spent a lot of time humming,
she figured, remembering song lyrics and poems she had long since
forgotten. Most of them brought back happy memories of her family
and friends. The one she was trying to remember now brought back
memories of the 58th. Her grandmother had played it for her as a
child - the artist had been a good friend of hers. Vanessa could
only remember part of the chorus, but those few lines fit them
all so well. She smiled as she softly sang the words:
"My failings are many and my
faults are great
But it has been my glory.
I've felt love, and I've seen
hate
But it has been my glory,
To bear witness to life."
At first she had tried not to
think of the 58th, because the pain of their separation was
unbearable. But now, those thoughts brought her comfort and
strength. Especially ones like the time she and Shane had been
prisoners together on Kaz --
*THUMP*
'Phousse smiled at the sound. It
meant that the AI's had brought Shane back from her session of
torture. It seemed a bit strange, but the sound of the door was
reassuring. "If they're torturing her, it means she's not
dead," Vanessa stated matter-of- factly. The darkness
offered no reply, as usual.
'Phousse sighed and reclined onto
her bedding. Time to rest now, until the next thump. She briefly
wondered if it was night or day, then put the thought out of her
mind as she quietly began to sing herself to sleep.
* * * * *
The rough hand on Shane's back
pushed her through the door, then slammed it shut behind her. She
stumbled forward a few steps, then dropped gratefully to her
knees. Virtually crawling to the pile of clothes that served as
her bed, she collaped on top of them, thankful to again be in her
small, cramped cell.
She had no idea how much time
passed before she felt strong enough to move. With a loud groan,
she pushed herself onto her back and stared up at the ceiling.
Hours and days had lost all meaning a long, long time ago. Now
she measured her life in torture and recovery, with a few brief,
shining moments when they accidentally allowed her to catch a
glimpse of 'Phousse.
She wished they would allow her
to see 'Phousse more often, but they were probably all aware of
the fiasco on Kazbek, where a few lowly human females had escaped
from their best set of AI's. Shane grinned faintly at the memory,
well aware of the fact that neither she nor Vanessa would have
the strength to pull off a similar escape now.
The room began to lighten as
moonlight crept through the ceiling of her cell. For some reason,
the Silicates had given her a cell with some sort of skylight -
another form of torture, she supposed. And indeed it was, for she
could not resist gazing at the stars she loved, watching them
without the hope of ever being amongst them again. The moon was
rising, and Shane waited patiently for it to appear in her
limited section of the sky.She had seen plenty of misshapen moons
in the last year or so, but this was the strangest-looking one
she had ever seen - billions of years ago, a huge meteorite or
asteroid or *something* had taken a huge chunk out of one side of
the moon. It sort of resembled a cookie that someone had taken a
bite of, then forgotten.
As she stared out at the moon in
the night sky, she listened closely. There it was - sometimes, if
she was absolutely quiet, she could hear 'Phousse singing quietly
next door. She wondered how 'Phousse was holding up, and wished
fervently that she could just talk to her again - or any of the
Wildcards. The moon blurred, and she slowly wiped a tear from her
cheek. She was so tired. All she wanted to do was sleep. Just
sleep. . .
Captain Shane Vansen fell into an
exhausted slumber, lulled to sleep by the distorted sound of
singing and cradled in the light of a misshapen moon.
* * * * *
Tired. . . so tired. If he could
only just sleep. . . no, that wasn't right. He was already
sleeping.
Lt. Nathan West lay sprawled
across a top bunk inside the housing unit. His brow furrowed
slightly as his semi-conscious mind tried to determine his exact
situation.
This must be a dream. Well, that
was okay. Dreaming was fine, especially now that he had found
Kylen. No more
nastystumbling-across-a-rotted-corpse-on-some-strange-planet
dreams. For a while, the Kylen-dreams had been interspersed with
Neil-dreams, but they had stopped a few months ago. Now he had
nice memory-dreams. Thankfully, he hadn't had nightmares about
Shane, 'Phousse, and Wang, as he had worried. Nathan snuggled
down under his blanket and let himself sink farther into
uncon-sciousness. . . into his dream.
He was tired. Exhausted. And
sore. He hurt everywhere. If he didn't move, it wasn't *quite* as
bad. It was dark, but there was a little light coming from
somewhere. He didn't know where he was, but he had a sense of
security. Someone familiar was near. A friend. He could hear a
voice, and somehow he knew it belonged to that friend. The voice
seemed to be singing, but he couldn't make out the words. Yet the
voice was so familiar. . .
Suddenly, light broke through the
darkness, and he jerked his head up to find the source. There it
was - he could see it through the ceiling. It was a moon, but one
of the weirdest moons he had ever seen. What could have caused a
moon to have a huge chunk missing from its side?
Nathan awoke with a start, his
head spinning and his breath coming in huge, heavy gasps. He
collapsed back onto the bed with his head in his hands, trying to
regain his senses. After a few moments, he began to breathe
normally again. He opened his eyes to the semi-darkened room, his
gaze traveling along the ceiling to peer through the hole near
the foot of his bed - and the oddly misshapen moon filling the
room with its light.
Stunned, he simply stared for a
few seconds. Could it be possible?? Making his decision, Nathan
swung his legs over the side of the bunk and dropped silently to
the floor. He made his way to where Cooper Hawkes dozed
comfortably and shook him awake.
"Huh?? Whazzup?
Nathan?" Cooper looked up at him, his eyes unfocused and his
mind foggy with sleep.
The look on Nathan's face pushed
away the lingering remnants of sleep. "What's goin'
on?" Coop whispered urgently.
"I know where they are.
Shane and 'Phousse are here."
****************************
END OF PART 6
Sarah Wait
wait@forbin.com