Barts Blackboard Lines


I will not waste chalk

I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom

I will not skateboard in the halls

I will not instigate revolution

Garlic gum is not funny

They are laughing at me, not with me

I will not call my teacher 'Hot Cakes'

I will not draw naked ladies in class

I did not see Elvis

I will not burp in class

I will not Xerox my butt

I will not sleep through my education

I will not show off

I will not do anything bad ever again

I will not hide behind the fifth amendment

I will not trade pants with others

I will not grease the monkey-bars

I will not sell land in Florida

I will not belch the National Anthem

Tar is not a plaything

I will not encourage others to fly

I will not drive the principal's car

I am not a 32 year old woman

I will not pledge allegiance to Bart

I will not sell school property

Funny noises are not funny

I will not conduct my own fire drills

I saw nothing unusual in the teachers' lounge

I will not spank others

I will not cut corners

I will not get very far with this attitude

I will not make flactuent noises in class

I will not fake seizures

I will not snap bras

I will not barf unless I'm sick

I will not aim for the head

I will not carve gods

I will not torment the emotionally frail

The Christmas Pangeant does not stink

Underwear should be worn on the inside

Bart Bucks are not legal tender

I will finish what I sta

I will not squeak chalk

High explosives and school don't mix

Spitwads are not free speech

This punishment is not boring and pointless

My name is not Dr Death

I will not defame New Orleans

I will not prescribe medication

I will not bury the new kid

I will not teach others to fly

I will not bring sheep to class

Teacher is not a leper

Coffee is not for kids

I will not eat things for money

I will not charge admission to the bathroom

I will not yell "she's dead" at roll call

The principal's toupee is not a frisbee

I will not call the principal 'spud head'

Goldfish don't bounce

Mud is not one of the 4 food groups

I will not sell miracle cures

No-one is interested in my underpants

I will return the seeing-eye dog

I do not have diplomatic immunity

I will never win an Emmy

I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr

No one wants to hear from my armpits

All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy

I will not say 'Springfield' just to get applause

I am not authorised to fire substitute teachers

I will not go near the kindergarten turtle

My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man

I am not deliciously saucy

Organ transplants are best left to professionals

The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with 'Hail Satan'

I will not celebrate meaningless milestones

There are plenty of businesses like showbusiness

Five days is not too long to wait for a gun

Beans are neither fruit nor musical

I will not send lard through the mail

I will not dissect things unless instructed

I will not whittle hall passes out of soap

Ralph won't morph if you squeeze him hard enough

'Bagman' is not a legitimate career choice

Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does

Next time it could be me on the scaffolding

I will not hang donuts on my person

I will remember to take my medication

I will not strut around like I own the place

This is not a clue... or is it?

'Bewitched' does not promote satanism

The Good Humor Man can only be pushed so far

I do not have power of attorney over first graders

I will not complain about the solution when I hear it

I will not make fun of Mrs Dumbface

The first ammendment does not cover burping

Nerve gas is not a toy

I will not use abbrev.

I am not a lean mean spitting machine

The boys' room is not a water park

Indian burns are not our cultural heritage

I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist

Wedgies are unhealthy for children & other living things

I am not certified to remove asbestos

I will only do this once a year

It's potato, not potatoe

I will not do that thing with my tongue

I will not spin the turtle

I will remember to take my medication

A burp is not an answer

I will not retransmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball

Adding "Just Kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the principal

I am not my long-lost twin

Nobody likes sunburn slappers

The truth is not out there

I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten


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1997


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