A True American Hero

The purple mutant of the millennium

Upon searching the internet for endless hours, I have come to the conclusion that there are no tribute pages to Grimace. Well, actually there are, but none of them fully appreciate the depth of this famous blob. Grimace, as you may or may not know, is the cornerstone of the successful McDonald's enterprise. Sure, many believe the key to McDonald's success is that guy who wears all that makeup and hangs out with fries and children. But Grimace's role as a purple blob is often overlooked. Grimace is a true creation, crafted from the heart and soul of marketing genius, whereas the other McDonald's characters are unoriginal, uninspired shadows of what was once right with the fast food industry.

Why has Grimace been overlooked? There are several theories.

These are just a few theories that have been blown out of proportion by the media. Let's rid ourselves of these myths right now by sharing the facts with you.

1. First of all, any biology major can tell you that Grimace isn't an identifiable species. But that doesn't matter. That's not what Grimace is about. Grimace is about children. Grimace is about love. There's a little Grimace inside of all of us.

2. When you're talking about overexposure, it's amusing, we all know that Ronald McDonald made cameo appearances on our television sets every 5 minutes when Inspector Gadget or the Smurfs broke for commercial in the early 1980's. Not Grimace. Yet, no one is whining about that. So to say that Grimace was overexposed is preposterous.

3. Grimace never had an affair with the Hamburglar. Grimace has even stated that the Hamburglar isn't "my type". Yet the tabloids won't let this thing go.

4. Grimace isn't responsible for the rising prices of fast food. He's not responsible for inflation. He doesn't make the world go 'round(even though it seems so at times). So to blame him for all of our problems is weak.

5. Grimace has only eaten 3 children, and those were all in the 70's when he was going through his "disco faze". As Grimace states in People magazine, "all the purple blob thingys were eating children back then. I was just trying to fit in with the crowd, to be accepted by my peers. I hate to be judged for past mistakes, I'm a different blob now, I am."

Grimace folklore:

Many people believe that Grimace is an idiot. This of course, is just not true. Grimace hides his talent for the English language by constantly attaching "Duh" to the beginning of his sentences. His motive for this is to make others feel better about their own personal shortcomings, and have a lighthearted laugh at his expense instead.

The original meaning of Grimace was not 'fuzzy purple stupid thing'. It was once meant to be a sharp contortion of the face.

Just because Grimace is the same color as Tinky Winky, no assumptions about his 'preferences' should be made.

Ronald McDonald symbolizes McDonalds. Hamburglar symbolizes hamburgers. Birdie symbolizes...birds. Grimace symbolizes all the stuff left over. All the purple crap that's left at the bottom of your McDonald's breakfast is Grimace.

Grimace is not a party animal. He's a party monster.

Just the Way Grimace Is

Grimace- don't go changing
To try and please us
You never let us down before

Don't imagine
You're too familiar
and we don't see you anymore

We would not leave you
in times of trouble
we never could have come this far

We took the good times
We'll take the bad times
Grimace- we'll take you just the way you are

Don't go trying
some new fashion
Don't change the color of your fur

You always have our
unspoken passion
Although we might not really care

Love me, for I am Grimace We don't want clever
We never want you to work that hard

We just want someone
that we can talk to
Grimace- we want you just the way you are

We need to know that you will always be
The same old Grimace that we knew

What will it take till you believe in us
The way that we believe in you

We said we loved you
And that's forever
This we promise from the heart

We could not love you
any better
We love you just the way you are

Sing to Billy Joel's Just the Way You Are (or don't sing it at all, whatever your preference)

Grimace controversy
Should Grimace call it quits?

Current Results

I appreciate any kind of feedback, interesting Grimace stories, or even complaints. You can contact me in several ways.

We all know about email, right folks? We all know how that works.

Email your favorite Grimace loving pervert here

ICQ is a powerful tool that enables me to further cut off real social contact and make virtual friends with eighty year old serial killers who pose as little girls.

My ICQ # is : 2643347

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