Old and Miserable

You may be wondering to yourself why I've dedicated a whole page to an old man. Well, it had to be done. There are a lot of old men around today, some of them very nice and friendly, and others very evil. I actually encountered one of the evil ones.

As I was standing in line in a library, Old Man crept up behind me. I was not at the library for any particular reason; I went with a friend of mine because I had nothing better to do. So as my friend attempted to get a library card (he failed to get one) Old Man stood there with an angry scowl on his face. Actually, I don't think he looked angry at all; it was just a vibe I was getting from him.

You love to hate me
Crude drawing of Old Man circa the Kennedy years

As the old fart stood there with his evil scowl, I started to feel pity for him. I thought to myself, "Why not let Old Man know that I'm not really in line?" "What would be so bad about that?"

"You can go ahead of me, I'm not in line," I said to Old Man. Old Man moved forward; failing to acknowledge me. "As if I would talk to the likes of him," Old Man must have thought to himself.

In that one gesture of hatred, Old Man changed me. He changed the way I think. Sometimes I'm in bed at night reflecting on my day, and I think, "Old man wouldn't like the way I did this." And I don't even know why, I just know he wouldn't.


On this special edition of E! True Hollywood Story:
He had the talent, but did he have the temperament? Click on the picture above to discover what led to Old Man's downfall.


New Old Man Sketch Released!

A never before seen sketch has been released of Old Man. This sketch is believed to be an expansion of an older version seen on this site. Whereas earlier sketches revealed just Old Man's face, the new one reveals a more chilling aspect of Old Man's personality. Our source, who wishes to remain annonymous, had this to say:

There was some skepticism before over Old Man's hatred of what we call normal civilization. Although there has always been ample evidence of this, it had often been met with some doubt from experts. That is, until this sketch was found. This has been on file for many years, and recent leaks led several prominent members of our community to believe its existence was not a fallacy. A few phone calls were made and we had all the information we needed. We located the sketch and planned a recovery mission. This led to the raiding of important government offices. Needless to say, we were able to recover this one sketch. It was returned to the government months later, but not before several copies were made. This sketch appears to be in its original form, before altered and released to the public in the version that was seen on your site for several months. There are a few key differences. First of all, we see Old Man's frail arms in this version. Also, the most damning evidence that Old Man hates us can be seen on his t-shirt.

4/21/00 Update: Unfortunately the sketch is still not as readily available as we had hoped, but we will carry it as soon as possible.



Old Man Pilot Given the OK by

ABC has given the go-ahead to "Livin' La Vida Olda", an Old Man vehicle that may appear next January as a mid-season replacement. "Olda" is a sitcom starring the former critical darling Old Man as a cynical cranky old man. ABC is investing a significant amount of money in this project, reportedly paying Old Man ten million dollars per episode, an unprecedented salary for sitcom stars. Here's what some of the pundits are saying:

"Old Man's act is tired and boring; sadly his show will probably be successful."
Tv Guide

"Why is this old crank still able to churn out any kind of work? He was hip in the sixties, but frankly his time has passed."
The New York Times

"The old cranky man deals with stressful situations around him. Yes, that's definitely original."
People

"Ten million dollars an episode to its star is the most alarming aspect of "Livin' La Vida Olda". This man's appeal is limited to those who can tolerate his views and attitude. Therefore, he has no appeal."
Seventeen magazine

"Brilliant, offbeat, and always irreverent, "Livin' La Vida Olda" gets my vote for best new sitcom of the year."
USA Today

"Old Man is a unique personality, his following is undeniable, and he's always doing something new. One can't help but embrace his latest effort."
Family Circle

"He's the voice of his generation, unfortunately his generation is foreign to the rest of us."
Reader's Digest

"Although Old Man is hateful, "Olda" is far from such, and is actually an interesting political commentary on the world today."
Motor Trend

"Old Man's latest vehicle forces us to the realization that anyone can get a show nowadays."
Dan Rather

"Old Man has been relatively silent following the controversy of the Regis & Kathie Lee appearance, but is right back where he belongs; in the spotlight. His latest effort is remarkable and will hopefully be a staple in the ABC family for years to come."
K.C. & The Sunshine Band


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