What's in store?

Flying NECCO wafer


April 16, 2002
It's been a long time since I updated this news section, and it hasn't come a moment too soon. People, the world is so messed up right now, I can't bring it justice in a few sentences. But let me tell you this: male frogs are turning into girls because of a weed killer. Can you imagine what that must be like?

September 30, 2000
When Grimace was hospitalized after a bike accident, we were there first. When Alan Keyes announced his candidacy for president, we broke the story. When the new Harry Potter book hit stores, we were there with the information, one week beforehand.
The Enlightening Home Page -- Groundbreaking coverage for 3 years


February 26, 2000
It's the end of an era, as the Enlightening Message Board calls it quits. After intense disinterest by all who have encountered it, the Message Board could not help but humiliate the page as a whole and had to be discarded. However, if there are individuals out there who were drawn to the board, fear not! Amid speculation that there were other boards on other pages that covered a variety of topics, I investigated. It turns out that the speculation was true. So if you're a fan of the message board genre, I just want to ease your pain by telling you that mine was not the only one.

December 10, 1999
The Enlightening Home Page is going on the road this month, here are the tour dates:

12/17/99 7:00, 8:30

New York City
12/19/99 4:30

12/21/99 6:00, 7:30, 9:00

December 4, 1999
The Enlightening Home Page now features a message board for fans and friends who share a common interest in enlightenment. The Message Board has already been signed by some very prominent members of our government, as well as other famed figures in the world of television(i.e. Grimace, Big Bird).

November 27, 1999
We've got a new year coming up, and you better believe that TEHP will not let it go unnoticed. We're planning a New Year's Extravaganza that defeats all others. Special guest appearances by Gumby as well as Pokey have not been ruled out. Old Man of Old Man fame is snubbing the event, which was to be expected. Bring cheese and crackers, and prepare for a possible Parcheesi match. We'll have a DJ playing some rockin' 80's music, so don't be surprised if you find it hard to leave.

October 30, 1999
I'm starting an anti-glitter campaign, folks, and I hope you'll join this movement and perhaps we can change some minds about the glitter situation in this country. Everywhere I go nowadays is infected with glitter. It clings to you without notice. Even the sharpest eye cannot always detect it. Then people start thinking that you're going for the "glitter" image, even if you're not.

Old News(possibly early October)
It's a wonderful life, ladies and gentlemen, because we have just added our Old Man section and the response has been tremendous. Apparently Old Man has taken over world culture, as people all over Mother Earth are asking me about him. Many are surprised at his evilness and question if it's an exaggeration on my part. Others want to meet Old Man, get an autograph or two, and tell their children someday. Well folks, I can help you out--

You can write to Old Man at the following address:
Old Man
PO Box 246
Evil Pole

More less than exciting updates in the months to come!!!

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