Blackadder II
        Starring Rowan Atkinson as Lord Blackadder
        with Tony Robinson as Baldrick
        Tim McInnerny as Lord Percy
        Miranda Richardson as Queenie
        Stephen Fry as Lord Melchett
        and Patsy Byrne as Nursie
        Music by Howard Goodall
        Written by Richard Curtis and Ben Elton
        Directed by Mandie Fletcher
        Produced by John Lloyd
        England 1558-1603.  The nasty genes of the Blackadder dynasty bubble back to the surface of history as Lord Edmund swaggers around town with a big head and small beard in search of grace and favor from the stark, raving mad Queen Bess.  Accompanied by a small rabble of riff-raff, the blackhearted Baldrick and the pea-brained Percy, the dastardly Lord Blackadder tarnishes the reputation of England's Golden Age.
        Episode 1: Bells
        Served by a dumbbell in a dress and accompanied by a bird-brained dimwit, Edmund, the great, great grandson of the repulsive original is reasonably normal - until he meets Bob.  Co-starring Rik Mayall as Lord Flasheart
        Lord Flasheart tweaked the Adders beard
        From now he always shall be single
        To fall in lovre with boys is weird
        Especially boys without a dingle
        Black Adder, Black Adder
        His taste Is rather odd
        Black Adder, Black Adder
        The randy little sod
        Lord Flasheart, Lord Flasheart
        I wish you were the star
        Lord Flasheart, Lord Flasheart
        You're sexier by far
        Episode 2: Head
        Edmund, newly-appointed Minister in charge of Religious Genocide and Lord High Executioner finds himself in a wee bit of trouble when he completely ruins Lord Farrow's weekend by cutting off his head.
        His great grandfather was a king
        Although for only thirty seconds
        When put in charge of beheading
        He felt that fame and glory beckoned
        Black Adder, Black Adder
        No such blooming luck
        Black Adder, Black Adder
        Elizabethan schmuck
        Black Adder, Black Adder
        Nothing goes as planned
        Black Adder, Black Adder
        Life deals him a bum hand
        Episode 3: Potato
        Blackadder sets on a quest for new potatoes and to boldly go where Sir Walter "rather-a-wimp" Raleigh has already gone before.  Co-starring Tom Baker as Captain Redbeard
        Sir Francis and Sir Walter had
        Discovered new worlds and new nations
        And though Black Adder thought them mad
        He tried his hand at navigation
        Black Adder, Black Adder
        He saw the ocean's foam
        Black Adder, Black Adder
        He should have stayed at home
        Black Adder, Black Adder
        He heard the new world's call
        Black Adder, Black Adder
        Discovered bugger-all
        Episode 4: Money
        The clergy in Elizabethan times had some unpleasant methods of chastising their flocks. Blackadder is visited by the baby eating Bishop of Bath and Wells, the assistant manger of the Bank of the Black Monks of St. Herod, who wants to collect on a debt of £1,000. Edmund comes up with a plan "so cunning you could brush your teeth with it."
        Take heed the moral of this tale
        Be not a borrower or lender
        And if your finances do fail
        Make sure your banker's not a bender
        Black Adder, Black Adder
        He trusted in the Church
        Black Adder, Black Adder
        It left him in the lurch
        Black Adder, Black Adder
        His life was almost done
        Black Adder, Black Adder
        Who gives a toss? No one!
        Episode 5: Beer
        Edmund hosts his pious aunt and uncle, the Whiteadders, who are the "two most fanatical puritans in England," at dinner. Percy and Baldrick prepare turnip surprise for dinner. Through an unfortunate lapse of memory, Edmund must simultaneously hold a drinking competition with Lord Melchett. Let one under the table gets 10,000 florins from the loser. This episode is not seen in some airings presumably because of the appearance of "comedy" breasts and a turnip that's in Percy's words, " is exactly the same shape as a thingy."
        Black Adder couldn't hold his beer
        The art of boozing he's not mastered
        And I, your merry balladeer
        Am also well and truly plastered
        Black Adder, Black Adder
        A bit like Robin Hood
        Black Adder, Black Adder
        But nothing like as good
        Black Adder, Black Adder
        I thought that he had died
        Black Adder, Black Adder
        Our writers must have lied
        Episode 6: Chains
        Kidnapping is rampant. After the Queen signs a proclamation that only one more ransom will be paid "cross my heart and hope to be spanked until my bottom goes purple'" Edmund and Melchett are captured by a German who plans to overthrow the English throne and who happens to be a master of disguise. And who happens to be an embarrassing part of almost everyone's pasts. The queen can't decide who to save and spends the ransom money on a fancy dress ball at the palace. Blackadder and Melchett escape just in time to attend their final social engagement In 1566.
        Beware all ye who lust for fame
        The path of life is most uncertain
        Prince Ludwig thought he'd won the game
        But now the Kraut's gone for a burton
        Blackadder, Blackadder
        He beat the Hun by luck
        Black Adder, Black Adder
        He's smarter than a duck
        Lord Melchett, Lord Melchett
        Intelligent and deep
        Lord Melchett, Lord Melchett
        A shame about the sheep
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