An alternate ending to the episode where Hawkeye puts up an ad for an evening with him ("Taking the Fifth"). Set in the early sixth season before Comrades in Arms.

Rated PG

The characters of M*A*S*H belong to CBS entertainment and I sadly don't own them, especially Hawkeye :)

Secret Agent
Ruth Ardrey
April 24, 1998
Send comments to: RVoyager@juno.com

Nurse Bigelow, Able, and a group of the nurses sat around a table in the officer's club.

She leaned in, "Now, you've all read Hawkeye's notice on the bulletin board?"

A chorus of groans, "yeahs" and the like was heard.

"And you all know that he really just wants one nurse in particular? A certain head nurse?"

They all grinned and there were even a few "of courses."

"So what we need to do is get Major Houlihan to send a fake note and show up, thinking she's part of a sting."

A redhead cut in, "Won't she just leave when she realizes we set her up?"

Able answered her, "If I know those two, all we have to do is get them alone in a small space. They'll take care of the rest."

The group just giggled in agreement.

"So will you do it? Please?"

Margaret looked at the nurses around her. She only had to think for a moment; a chance to get back at Hawkeye for his cheesy ad? Of course, she thought to herself and "Of course!" she told them. *Besides, writing a love letter to Hawkeye? That should be interesting.*

Hawkeye looked around the mess tent after reading the three responses. *Who could Sweet Preserves be?* He flashed one of his so-called "looks" and began the search. Not her, after she just gave him an odd look and walked away. Or her, as the brunette began laughing and couldn't stop. His eyes fell on Margaret, which was common enough, and his hopes both rose and fell in an instant. She had certainly made it clear that she wasn't interested. He left the tent. He only hoped that whoever it was, he would be able to focus on that girl and not the blond he truly wanted in his arms.

Hawkeye had almost finished preparing the small storeroom. He heard a knock and picked up a pan, checked his reflection and opened the door. In stepped Margaret and the pan dropped to the floor with a loud clatter.

He quickly recovered, "Very funny Margaret. I've already heard how sleazy you found my ad." He began leading her to the door, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a girl that I turn to jelly just by looking at her who is coming to be canned."

She turned and wrapped her arms around his neck, "She wouldn't happen to be 'Sweet Preserves' would she?"

Hawkeye backed up, extremely surprised, "How do you know...?"

"I wrote the letter, Hawkeye." She decided to lay it on thick, "I was just too afraid to tell you before, I wasn't sure if I was good enough for you and I wasn't sure if I wanted to be involved with someone who doesn't seem to hold a long-term relationship..." She trailed off as she suddenly realized she had started telling the truth. She sat down, shocked by her own truthful confession.

He came and sat down by her, "I got duped by a bunch of nurses, didn't I?"

"Yes, of course!"

"Then why did you stop? You would have had me hook, line and sinker!"

"Because I was telling the truth!"

He looked confused, "The letter...?"

She looked at him, "The letter was a bunch of crap. I started telling the truth tonight!"

He approached her slowly, grinning a little, "So, Miss Houlihan, the secret agent to an unsuspecting American, blew her cover after falling for the dashing Doctor."

She looked slightly annoyed, "Now stop that! That's not right at all!"

He covered the distance between them and grabbed her around the waist and pulled her to him. "I think it is." He looked deep into her eyes as they moved their heads closer together. For once, she didn't resist. Their lips met in a hungry kiss, releasing years of attraction. Her arms went back around his neck and he pulled her closer to him, unable to believe what was happening. She kissed him harder and their breathing began to get quicker. Margaret suddenly pulled away and began to walk to the door. She picked up the hanger, opened the door and placed it on the hook. She ignored the nurses who, after she closed the door, congratulated themselves.

She walked back to where Hawkeye stood, swaying her hips, and in a cheesy Russian accent asked, "Vhere were we?"

Hawkeye could only smile.

Finis