Signs That You Are Too Drunk

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--You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
--You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
--Job interfering with your drinking.
--Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
--Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.
--The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
--Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
--24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
--Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
--You can focus better with one eye closed.
--The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
--You fall off the floor...
--Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
--Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
--Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you
--At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
--Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
--You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed.
--The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
--Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.
--Roseanne looks good.
--Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
--Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
--I'm as jober as a sudge.
--You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the Fourth of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki.
--The shrubbery's drunk too from frequent watering.

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