Losing Weight

Did you hear about the heavyset guy who had tried every diet in 
the world in an attempt to lose weight?

He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet,Weight Watchers, 
and many more.

None worked. Then, one day, he was reading the Washington Post 
when he noticed a small ad that read:

Lose weight
Only $1.00 a pound
Call (202) 555 0238

The man decided to give it a try and called the number. A voice 
on the other end asked, "How much weight do you want to lose?"
The man responded, "Ten pounds."

The voice replied, "Very well, give me your credit card number 
and we'll have a representative over to your house in the 
morning."

About 9:00 am the next morning the man gets a knock on the 
door. There stood a beautiful redhead, completely naked except 
for a sign around her neck stating, "If you catch me, you can 
have me."

Well, the hefty fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over 
sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house. Finally, 
panting and wheezing like a dog, he did catch her. When he was 
through enjoying himself, she said,

"Quick, go into the bathroom and weigh yourself." He did just 
that and was amazed to find that he had lost ten pounds, right 
to the ounce!

That evening he called the number again. The voice on the other 
end asked, "How much weight do you want to lose?" to which the 
somewhat less overweight man replied, "Twenty pounds."

"Very well," the voice on the phone told him, "Give me your 
credit card number and we'll have a representative over to your 
house in the morning."

At about 8:00 am the next morning the man receives a knock on 
the door.

When he opens the door he sees a beautiful blonde dressed only 
in track shoes and a sign around her neck stating, "If you 
catch me, you can have me."

The chase took a good while longer this time and the man nearly 
passed out, but he finally did catch her. When he was through 
she told him, 

"Quick, run into the bathroom and weigh yourself." He ran to 
the bathroom and found he had lost another 20 pounds!

"This is fantastic!" he thought to himself. Later that evening 
he called the number again and the voice at the other end 
asked, "How much weight do you want to lose?" 

"Fifty pounds!" the man exclaimed. 

"Fifty pounds?" the voice asked, "That"s an awful lot of weight 
to lose at one time." 

The man replied, "Listen buddy, here's my credit card number, 
you just have your representative over here in the morning!" 
and he hung up the phone.

About 6:00 am the next morning the man gets out of bed, 
splashes on some cologne and gets all ready for the next 
representative.

At about 7:00 am he gets a knock on the door. When he opens 
the door, he sees this large gorilla with a sign around his 
neck stating, "IF I CATCH YOU, I'M GOING TO SCREW YOU."