Rebecca's Favorite Elaine Quotes
Quotes by Elaine





Listen to:Elaine freak out because she lost her job and boyfriend over JuijyFruits.

Elaine confront the Soup Nazi with his secret recipies every resturaunt in New York wants.

When Elaine sees Sidra walk into the sauna.

  • "We have a wide selection of Gene Picks"-Gene "Gene's trash!"-Elaine "I'm Gene"-Gene "Oh....hi"-Elaine
  • "But it was written in pen. You fake erase."
  • "Your last name is Bennet right?"-Kramer "No Benes you jackass!"-Elaine
  • "I will not be called Suze! My name is SU-SIE"
  • "I'm not a Suze. I'm not a pom-pom waving back seat bimbo!"
  • "I couldn't decide if he was sponge-worthy."
  • "Jerry you break up with a girl every week."
  • "What is wrong with my hair? You could serve dinner on my hair."
  • "George remember the Panama hat? That was NOTHING!"
  • "Someone put a cane on my foot just like the cane I'm going to stick up your..."
  • "That's my ass in your window!"
  • "A bird ran into my GIANT FREAK head!"
  • "I'm a walking candy apple!"
  • "The B.O. clings to everything."
  • "You're through Soup Nazi! No more soup for you! NEXT!!!"
  • "You peed in the shower?!"
  • "Why do all pretty women walk fast?"-George "I don't walk fast."-Elaine
  • "She's walking around with nothing on but a bra! She is a menace to society!"
  • "Goiter? What goiter? OH THAT goiter!"
  • "I keep thinking that goiter is going to talk to me!"
  • "You don't know how important a man's hair is! *pauses* Sorry George but it is true."
  • "There is no reason to point fingers or name names or NAME NAMES!"
  • "George is like a virus! He attatches himself to a healthy host and infects it!"
  • "I wish a mountain would rise up out of the ocean and we would ram right into it!"
  • "What am I a hooker?"
  • "Oh my God! That's MY nipple!"
  • (Elaine describing Kramer) "Have you seen a tall lanky dufus with a bird face and hair like the bride of Frankenstein?"
  • "Thanks for mutton!"
  • "I'm not a lesbian! I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian!"
  • "You know it all and I'm Miss Stupid! Right?"
  • "I couldn't raise a kid? I LOVE bossing people around!"
  • "I don't have grace, I don't want grace, nor do I say it!"
  • "We were just talking about what you did! Jerry doesn't want to talk to you! I don't want to talk to you! NOBODY wants to talk to you! SO DROP DEAD!" (to Jerry's Nana thinking she was the "High Talker" calling)
  • "He's obsessed! Obsessed with breasts! Whoa that is kind of hard to say!"
  • "The thing about George is...he's an idiot!"
  • "Jerry you have to come over and help me. I'm STUCK under a FUN-KY mattress!"
  • "You mean Kramer was the one who funked up my mattress? Well that just GREAT!"
  • "Those sex scenes? Come on give me something I can use! Sex in a tub? Now that DOESN'T work!"
  • "No I haven't seen "The English Patient" so I wouldn't know if it was good or if it REALLY SUCKED!"
  • "Is that your jacket? Because it looks like a jacket that a short, stalky, slow-witted bald man might wear."
  • (Elaine calls Jerry from an airplane) "Hey Lainey how's the trip going?"-Jerry "Awful! This trip was a HUGE mistake! HUGE!!!!"-Elaine "Stop shouting I can't take it!"-her seat mate "Who's that?"-Jerry "It's Vegetable Lasagna."-Elaine "Who?"-Jerry "VEGETABLE LASAGNA!!!!!!"-Elaine
  • "I would trade my first born for that Ralf Feinnes."-Elaine's friend with the ugly baby "She's getting the short end of the stick on that one."-Elaine
  • "He was impressed with what I do!"-Kramer "What you DO?! You DO NOTHING!"-Elaine
  • "So you were violated by two people while under the gas. So what! You are single!"
  • "He's a human marroca."
  • "Well Stinky today is your lucky day."
  • "He's the Whiz! Noboday beats the Whiz! nobody...."
  • "You know what this is? This is false reflecting! I think the department of......whatever....would be very interested!"
  • "The Soup Nazi kicked me out!"
  • "I don't think George has ever thought he was better than anybody."
  • "You're through Soup Nazi! No more soup for you! NEXT!!!!!"
  • "I can't eat at Reggie's! They don't have Big Salads!"
  • "He didn't even care if a man answered!"-Jerry "Or you."-Elaine
  • "One of these days something bad is going to happen to you! It HAS TO!"
  • "You remember the first time your parents took you out to eat? It was so exciting new food...new setting....right now I feel like a hog waiting for them to fill the trough!"
  • "You see the irony here? You're rejecting someone because they're bald. YOU'RE BALD!!!!!"
  • "Let me get this strait. Mom and Pop established trust in this community JUST to steal Jerry's tennis shoes? Look I really have to go...."
  • "I don't see how you guys walk around with those things."
  • "Maybe the dingo ate your bay-bee. The dingo ate your bay-bee."
  • "I know something about getting to first base and I know you'll never get there. And I'd watch the third base coach cause he isn't going to ever wave you in."
  • "You wonder if War and Peace would have been as successful if it where published under its original title War What's it Good For?...ABSOLUTELY NOTHIN'"
  • "Do you see what is happening? I'M GEORGE!"-Elaine "Don't ever say that..."-Jerry "NO I'M GEORGE! I'M GEORGE!"-Elaine
  • "I got a peice of my heel stuck in the slicer...I got a little slicer happy."
  • "Kramer you can't go home with me."-Elaine "Why?"-Kramer "Ummm because I have to stop by the....circus! Where there will be LOTS of clowns!"
  • "I'm living with Ethal Merman without the talent!"
  • "How much do you think a hitman would charge to take out a couple of cats?"
  • "I'm sorry I can't stay long I might run into Dr. Tongue."
  • "This car smells like a cheap hooker in here or is it you?"-Jerry "Give me $10 and you'll find out."-Elaine
  • "I have spent a lot of time and ate a lot of CRAP to get where I am today! And I'm not giving up my free sub!"
  • "So you're the dog guy? You better pick up your dog tonight or he has humped his last leg!"
  • "Shut up! This isn't Seinfeld you're dealing with! Once I get through with you you'll beg to go to the pound!"
  • Elaine- "Boys are sick!"-Elaine "What do girls do?"-Jerry "We tease someone until they develop an eating disorder."-Elaine
  • *singing* Yankee Beans I LIKE my Yan-kee beans!"
  • "I need to get some new friends."
  • "My home is a shrine to you! I took pictures of you in your office, shopping, running errands, showering"-Crazy Joe Divola "Showering?! I just remembered I left something on in my apartment....somewhere..."-Elaine
  • "You know George he can't just go somewhere he has to make good time."
  • "He was strutting around like Stein Ericson."
  • "A man will sit through the most boring movie if there is the slightest possibility a woman will take her top off."
  • "Was I Anti-virgin?"
  • "Oh sure George and Susan had a good thing going. Because she met him she lost her job, family cabin was burnt down, and she found out her father was gay."
  • "Don't tell me what I don't want you hipster dufus!!!"
  • "You're supposed to be a person who cares about poor people! You look like you're going to swing in on a chandalier!"
  • "She's crazy! She thinks I made her sick because I coughed on her doorknob, rubbed her stapler in my armpit, and rubbed her keyboard on my butt! She's WACKO!"
  • "I've never met a normal guy named Stuart."
  • "I feel nauseous I think it's the black and white cookie."-Jerry "Are they not getting along?"-Elaine
  • "Why can't we bring Pepsi and Ringdings?"-George "Because we're ADULTS."-Elaine
  • "I would want to date a blind person. A good looking blind woman wouldn't know I wasn't good enough for her."-George "I think she'd find out."-Elaine
  • "Well here's something odd Puddy has christian rock stations programed into his radio. Do you think he's religious?"-Elaine "It is a used car maybe he hasn't reprogramed the radio?"-Jerry "He is lazy!"-Elaine "Or maybe he doesn't know how to?"-Jerry "He is stupid!-Elaine "So you would much rather him be lazy and stupid instead of religious?"-Jerry Elaine-"Lazy and stupid I understand..."-Elaine
  • "Well the radio stations have been resurected."
  • "Why didn't you tell me Katie is friends with Marrissa Tomei?!-George "I guess it just slipped my mind."-Elaine
  • "Why don't you go to a fertility clinic?"-Jerry "Jerry I would have to...you know....in a cup...in the middle of the day!"-Kramer "Does that conflict with your normal scheduale?"-Elaine
  • "Why do we have to pretend to be happy and eat cake EVERYDAY?! We're all unhappy! Why do we have to be fat too?!"
  • MY FAVORITE ELAINE QUOTE- (she is trying to watch "The English Patient" for the second time)Elaine- "Stop telling your stupid story about the stupid desert and just die already!....DIE!!!" -Elaine "Elaine do you not like this movie?"-Mr Peterman "I HATE IT! It's too loooooong."-Elaine "shhhhhhh"-movie watchers "OH GO TO HELL!"-Elaine "Elaine you're fired."-Mr Peterman "Great. I'll wait for you outside."-Elaine

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