By David Hands
The Guide
Step01. Receive your yellow original parcel collection receipt, at your mail box
Step02. Find in which building
your parcel is.
Step03. Go there
Step04. Find on which floor of
this building your parcel is at.
Step05. Make sure you do not go
there between 13:00-14:00. Even though the Post Office is open, the parcel
department is closed for lunch
Step06. Enter the room, and
find the right counter to go at.
Step07. Wait in cue, once you
located the right counter.
Step08. Give your original
yellow receipt.
Step09. Prove that you are the
person that is mentioned on the original yellow receipt.
Step10. Wait, while the person
who you gave your original yellow receipt to, gives it to somebody else behind
them.
Step11. Wait, until that
somebody else matches the number on your original yellow receipt with the number
on your parcel.
Step12. Once your parcel is
found wait until the number on your original yellow receipt is written in a big
book.
Step13. Receive your parcel. Do
not be fooled, this is only the beginning.
Step14. Go to next counter with
your parcel and your original yellow receipt
Step15. Wait in cue
Step16. Give your parcel and
your original yellow receipt.
Step17. Open your parcel for
customs examination.
Step18. Explain what is inside
your parcel.
Step19. Watch the customs
officer take your parcel (which is now open) and put it under his counter. Do
not looked surprised and do not argue.
Step20. Wait until the customs
officer stamps your original yellow receipt and calculates (roughly) how much
custom duty is and writes the amount on your original yellow receipt. If no duty
to be paid go to step 26
Step21. Go to customs cashier
with your original yellow receipt and without your parcel.
Step22. Wait in cue
Step23. Give your original
yellow receipt to the customs cashier.
Step24. Pay your customs duty
Step25. Get a receipt for
payment
Step26. Go to the next counter
Step27. Wait in cue
Step28. Give your original
yellow receipt
Step29. Wait until the person
behind the bars goes through a whole pile, of other duplicate yellow receipts in
order to find your duplicate.
Step30. Once the duplicate is
located, collect both duplicate and original yellow receipts.
Step31. Go to next counter with
both duplicate and original yellow receipts
Step32. Wait in cue
Step33. Give both duplicate and
original yellow receipts to the person, behind more bars.
Step34. Wait until the
duplicate and the original yellow receipts are stamped, and the original yellow
receipt is given back to you, while the duplicate yellow receipt goes into a
pile of other duplicate yellow receipts.
Step35. Take the original
yellow receipt to the next counter
Step36. Wait in cue
Step37. Give your original
yellow receipt to the person behind the counter
Step38. Prove once more that
you are the person who the name appears on the original yellow receipt
Step39. Pay Post Office
Charges. Have exact amount, otherwise they will ask you to go out of the
building and get change.
Step40. Exchange the original
yellow receipt with a new original white receipt. Your original yellow receipt
goes in a drawer with more original yellow receipts
Step41. Go back to the counter
that kept your parcel.
Step42. Wait in cue
Step43. Give the original white
receipt to the person that opened and kept your parcel
Step44. Wait until this person,
locates your parcel which is under his counter (gets harder if there was a
chance in shift)
Step45. Collect your parcel
Step46. Take parcel and
original white receipt to another counter, so they can write in another big
book, the number of the original yellow receipt, which was copied on the new
original white receipt.
Step47. Walk down the stairs
Step48. Show your original
white receipt at the door downstairs in order to prove that everything was done
correctly and that you have paid everything that needs to be paid.
Step49. Once everything is
cleared walk out,........ go home and.......... cry!!!!
Step50. Unless your are a
masochist, if you receive a little original yellow receipt, in your box mail,
leave the country
So, if you are my enemy, send me a parcel, if you are my friend, keep it and
I'll pick it up, the next time I see you, please!
To collect a parcel it took nine employees of the Kenyan Post and Telecommunications, 48 minutes of my life, and if smoking and drinking was
allowed in the building, probably around 7 shots of vodka and half a packet of
cigarettes.
God bless the little original yellow
copyright David Hands
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