Title: 'Twas the Night Before New Year Author: Helen Boyle DISCLAIMER ETC. The following script was drafted to fit into Series Two or Three of BallyK. The assumption has been made that Assumpta 1) didn't die, and 2) didn't marry Leo. For the purpose of this script, Peter and Assumpta have not revealed their affection for one another. I make no pretence about following correct script writing procedure, nor about the contents of this script being particularly plausible or true to prior characterisation (I tried my best, however). Please do not attempt to discover a plot in this tale, as there is unfortunately none. I also make no claim to originality, and freely confess that I have stolen ideas both directly and indirectly from film, television, novels, real life, and the demented visions within my mind. I do, however, claim copyright over the way I have pieced together that which I have stolen. Above all, please enjoy, or at least tolerate. TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE NEW YEAR SCENE: Interior Fitzgeralds. Day. Assumpta is busily pulling down Christmas decorations. Brendan, Siobhan and Padraig are sitting at the end of the bar. They become aware of what Assumpta is doing. Brendan: You're taking them down already? Assumpta: Well Christmas is over afterall Brendan: Sure, but the turkey's not even cold Padraig: We don't want to be having too much fun now, do we Assumpta?! Assumpta: Not on my time we don't Siobhan: We have to start thinking about ringing in the New Year now I suppose Assumpta: (without stopping) A bottle of red and a nice long sleep I say Brendan: (overly Irish) Ah, your community spirit warms the very cockles of me heart Assumpta Assumpta: That's nice for ya Peter enters Fitzgeralds. There is a chorus of welcome. Peter: You're taking them down already? Assumpta: (spins around to face him) Oh for the love of God, you'd think I'd committed a crime! How many days of Christmas are there anyway! Siobhan: I believe that's twelve Assumpta Assumpta: About eleven too many if you ask me Brendan looks to Padraig Brendan: Did we ask her? Padraig: No, I don't believe we did Brendan: (to Assumpta) We didn't ask you! Assumpta: (sardonically) Cute! They all chuckle. Assumpta isn't amused. Ambrose and Niamh enter Fitzgeralds. Niamh: You're taking them down already? Assumpta: Argh! Assumpta storms into the kitchen. The others laugh heartily. Niamh is confused. Niamh: What did I say!? ROLL OPENING CREDITS SCENE: Interior Fitzgeralds. Day cont. Ambrose, Niamh, Peter, Brendan, Siobhan, and Padraig are all at the bar. Assumpta is returning from the kitchen. Ambrose: How was the trip home Peter? Peter: Full of the usual joys and tribulations associated with a full family Christmas. I wouldn't miss it for the world. Assumpta looks at him and scoffs. Peter decides to ignore it. Peter: (looking at Assumpta but addressing Ambrose) And how was Christmas here? Assumpta: Challenging as always. Brendan: Don't worry Peter, we didn't let anything exciting happen without you Siobhan: We were just about to hatch schemes for New Years Eve. Any ideas? Assumpta: (acidicly) A round of the Rosary perhaps?! Peter: (glares at Assumpta then turns to Siobhan) Well...we used to have a tradition in Manchester... Assumpta: This should be good Peter: (casting a raised eyebrow of disapproval in Assumpta's direction) ...as I was saying, we used to have a tradition in Manchester that each New Years Eve we'd have a formal sit down dinner. (Impressed with himself) Not quite black tie, but cutlery and everything Assumpta: Nice change from having the feed bag strapped around your neck, then drinking till you throw up I'll bet Siobhan: (Ignoring Assumpta) Looks like we have our plan then... Assumpta: Yeah, but where are we going to find that many feed bags? Siobhan: That'll be great thanks Father Assumpta: I guess Eamonn might have a few Peter: (Anxiously) Oh no, I couldn't do it! Siobhan: Why not then?! Peter: I don't have the room for starters Niamh: Sure you could host it here Assumpta: (with a laugh) You'd be hopeful! Padraig: Aw come on Assumpta Brendan: What do you think Peter? Assumpta: Hang on a second! Peter: (hesitant given Assumpta's objections) I don't know Ambrose: Sure it'd be perfect! Assumpta: (looking for an out, to Peter) Don't you have to say mass that night, or something?! Peter: We do get the occasional reprieve Assumpta Niamh: We'd all pitch in, make some fancy dishes Siobhan: Absolutely. Peter can be our co-ordinator and Assumpta can act as host, lending us this fine establishment Assumpta: Me? Host? Siobhan: Yeah, why not?! Peter: (mock thoughfulness) You're intelligent...presentable... responsible...of course, you realise you will have to make a sincere effort to mitigate some of the more off-putting, not to mention obnoxious, aspects of your personality Assumpta: (unable to help smiling) Well if you sweet talk me like that how could I possibly refuse Brendan: That's settled then. Decorum and sophistication shall be the order of the day Assumpta: Yeah, I'll believe that when I see it! Peter: Oh ye of little faith! Assumpta: You know me. SCENE: Exterior. Evening falls over Ballykissangel. Peter is in St Joseph's blowing out candles. Ambrose and Niamh are clearing up in their kitchen. Assumpta is shutting up Fitzgeralds. Liam and Donal are in a shed looking intently into a cardboard box. Darkness falls. SCENE: Exterior. Morning has broken over Ballykissangel. Peter is walking from the church towards Fitzgeralds. He suddenly stops as a group of cockroaches run across his path. He dashes out of their ways and pulls a disgusted face. SCENE: Inside Hendley's, Kathleen is scurrying about with a broom, swiping at the floor, mumbling "Get out, dirty vermin!" She lifts the broom to reveal a squished cockroach. SCENE: Interior Fitzgeralds. Assumpta has a rolled up magazine. She whacks it down on the bar and glances around to see if anyone has noticed. She raises the magazine to reveal a squished cockroach. Siobhan, Brendan, Padraig, Liam and Donal are all at the bar. Siobhan: Another one? Assumpta: Yeah. They're out of control. I'm just waiting for the health inspector to pay a surprise visit, and just top this whole festive season off! Donal: Mr Quigley says it's one of the seven signs of the second coming Brendan: (amused) Of the Lord? Liam: The man himself! So it can't be that bad Liam and Donal nod enthusiastically. Assumpta: Are you both mental!? Donal: Not at all. (Seriously) It's the plague Padraig: I think you'll find a plague of locust would be more likely Donal Donal: Mr Quigley said he was going to get some reporters to come and cover the event. Says it'll do wonders for the tourist trade Brian appears at the door of Fitzgeralds unbeknown to the others Assumpta: Well that's just typical of his type isn't it?! Brian: My type? Assumpta looks around, obviously surprised by Brian's presence. Brian: My type? What does that mean, my type? Assumpta: (shrugs) Narcissistic pseudo intellectual entrepreneurs who believe everyone else in the world is merely there to act as extras in their star vehicle Peter arrives and listens in interestedly. He catches Brendan's eye and raises a questioning eyebrow. Brendon smiles and shrugs. They all look on with curious amusement. Brian: How long have you been practising that little speech? Assumpta: The Lord himself has merely a guest role in the self-promotional life and times of Brian Quigley Brian: Let's hear you complain like that when this place is on the international map and you're so busy you have to turn people away Assumpta: You're too right I'd turn them away. Hoards of religious phoneys is the last thing I'd want. I'd sooner have Kathleen to tea. Padraig: What do you think Father? Is there a chance Jesus will be coming to BallyK? Peter: I think there's a greater chance of seeing Assumpta at church on Sunday! Brendan: We wont expect him anytime soon then hey Peter?! Assumpta: The chance would be a fine thing Brian: Well now that I've been well and truly insulted, might I straighten out a few facts? Assumpta: (sarcastically) Oh please, indulge us Brian: Firstly, I did not say that I would get the press here (glares at Donal), I said I'd get a professional exterminator. And secondly, I said this plague could kill off our already dead tourist trade Donal: (obviously caught out) Oh right. My mistake. The others exchange amused glances. SCENE: Dusk in Ballykissangel. Eamonn is at a trough of pig swill, waving his arms frantically. It is swarming with cockroaches Eamonn: Get outta here, the lotta ya SCENE: Liam and Donal are in the same shed staring into the same box. Donal: Do you think it's worth it Liam: Winners aren't just born overnight SCENE: Late evening. Fitzgeralds. Assumpta is clearing up. Everyone is leaving except Peter. The gentle rumble of thunder can be heard in the distance. Assumpta notices Peter is making no move to leave. Assumpta: I'm closing. Do I have to throw you out? Peter: I'd like to see you try Assumpta: Alright then Assumpta moves to the front of the bar. She smiles at Peter and sits at the bar with him. They are alone. Peter: I just thought we should go over the arrangements for Friday night Assumpta: Friday night? Peter: New Years Eve! Our dinner party! Assumpta: Oh right - the screaming farce Peter: Nice! Assumpta: What's it got to do with me? I thought I was just supplying the venue? Peter: Well yeah, I just thought... Assumpta: Thought what? Peter: (obviously a bit shy about asking) thought you might like to help me out a little Assumpta: Help you? Peter gets up to leave Peter: Forget it! Sorry I asked Assumpta: No, no. Come back. I was only joking. I'll help you Peter: (relieved) Thanks Assumpta: I can't think of anything I'd rather be doing at midnight than trying to figure out how to entertain the deity, and I use the term *very* loosely, of Ballykissangel for hours on end on one of the most over-rated evenings of the year Peter: (deliberately misunderstanding her) Yeah I'm looking forward to it too Assumpta grabs a notebook and pen Assumpta: So who's coming? Peter: Well, obviously me and you Assumpta: Obviously Peter: (counting on his fingers) Brendan, Siobhan, Padraig, Ambrose and Niamh. I guess Liam and Donal Assumpta: Dumb and dumber Peter: Michael hopes to make it, and if Brian's managed to successfully drive every cockroach out of Ireland he should be here Assumpta: That's it? Peter: And Father Mac said he'd be delighted to attend Assumpta: (horrified) No way! Not in my pub he isn't. Deals off. Find yourself another party place. You must be dreaming Peter: Assumpta! Assumpta I was kidding Assumpta: Oh. (Regaining her composure) I knew that Peter: Ah huh! Assumpta: (with a relieved laugh) Thank God! I mean how much fun could New Years Eve be with a priest around Peter: Ah hem? Assumpta: Oh, sorry! SCENE: Exterior. Night. Fitzgeralds Pan out to a shot including the night sky and moon. It begins to rain. Lightening brightens the sky. Slowly zoom back to the lighted windows of Fitzgeralds. SCENE: Interior. Fitzgeralds. Same evening but later. Both Peter and Assumpta look worn out. They are surrounded by bits of paper and empty glasses. Peter: There sure is a lot to organise Assumpta: You're not wrong Peter: I hope we haven't overcommitted Assumpta: (cheekily) Perhaps we could conjure up some divine help with your religious abilities and get some poor soul stuck in purgatory to work their way into heaven by giving us a hand here. I'll set up a little seance shall I? Peter: (jovially) That's not religion you heathen, that's voodoo! I'm sure we can manage Assumpta is visibly tired. She yawns and rubs her eyes. Assumpta: Yeah, well, you're welcome to work your heart out, but I'm not the one who took some vow based on some parochial idea of selfless servitude. I'm going to bed. You should go before this storm gets any worse. Assumpta gets up. Peter: (tentatively) Assumpta? Assumpta: (she flops back down in her chair) Yes Peter: (knowing he's treading on thin ice) Why do you hate the church so much? Assumpta: (with a shocked gasp) What? Peter: Why do you hate the church so much? I mean you've been pretty acidic lately, even for you Assumpta: (taken aback) Why do you love it so much? Peter: I asked you first Assumpta: I asked you second Peter: I'm serious Assumpta: So am I Peter is thoughtful for a moment, then continues in a slightly dismissive tone so as not to make the conversation too heavy. Peter: I guess, because it gives my life meaning and reason; shows there's something bigger than just me. Don't you ever wonder just what it is that gives your life meaning? Assumpta: I get plenty of meaning right here. What greater reason could there be in life than to serve copious amounts of alcohol to those who arrive at my door. I don't need the church telling me how to live my life to get meaning and reason Peter: No one's saying you do Assumpta: Oh really?! Peter: Yes really! Assumpta: I'd like to see what your boss has to say about that Peter: The church is there to merely act as a facilitator Assumpta: Oh here we go! So what? You're like some sort of spiritual conduit? Is that it? What makes your religion more powerful than any other religion? More powerful than Buddism, or music, poetry, science, or mysticism? Or voodoo for that matter? Peter: (shrugs) My faith Assumpta suddenly becomes irritable and deadly serious. Assumpta: Yeah well it's easy to have faith when life's just peachy keen isn't it She gets up annoyed Peter: What does that mean? Assumpta: Nothing Peter: No. I want to know Assumpta: (she stops and comes back to him) Fine! It just means that maybe if you spent a little less time blindly following your faith you'd realise that the world isn't all sweetness and light. Things don't always work out the way you planned. Life's hard Peter. You can't just go to church on Sunday and expect all your problems to go away. People spend their lives running into one obstacle after another. And just as soon as things start going your way you can bet there's something waiting around the corner to kick you in the guts. When everything you care about... Assumpta stops herself, obviously changing her mind about what she's saying, then continues Assumpta: ...I've spent my life picking myself up and I don't need you, or your church, telling me how to live. I've coped up till now by myself and I'll continue to cope without your help Peter: (caringly) Assumpta Assumpta shrugs off his concern Assumpta: Oh open your eyes Peter Peter: My eyes are wide open, but what is faith if not blind. A belief in something that can't be proven. I can't just opt out at the first thing that goes wrong Assumpta: What do you know about things going wrong? Your life's mapped out for you. The biggest trauma you face each day is what to eat for breakfast Peter: You know that's not true Assumpta: (tiredly) Yeah well Peter: You want a guarantee. You can't get that Assumpta: I don't want anything Peter: No I didn't mean... Assumpta: ...especially from you. (She shakes her head disappointedly) I thought you were different Peter, but I guess it was only a matter of time before we got around to the old conversion lecture Peter: That's ridiculous Assumpta: Is it Peter: So I can't even ask you a question Assumpta: Apparently not There is silence for a moment as they look at each other, realising they've both said too much. Assumpta: Go on, clear off! Peter: What? Assumpta: Leave! Peter: No! Assumpta: No? Peter: That's right, no. I won't leave you like this Assumpta: (loosing patience) Get out of here...now! Peter: Assumpta, please don't do this Assumpta: I'm not doing anything. You're trespassing, so unless you want me to call Ambrose you'd better get out of my pub Assumpta glares at Peter but he remains motionless. Assumpta: Right. Then I'll leave She gets up and heads to the door. Peter: Huh? What are you doing? Where are you going? She opens the door and steps out into the pouring rain and calls over her shoulder Assumpta: Away from you! Peter gets up, chasing after her out into the rain. Peter: (calls to her back) Are you going to spend your whole life doing this? Constantly shutting people out? Maintaining this bravado - strong, independent, and alone? Assumpta stops in her tracks, spins around and gives a disbelieving laugh Assumpta: Oh that's rich coming from you! Peter: Maybe if you spent a little less time being bitter and angry, you'd realise just how many people there are who care about you Assumpta She takes a menacing step towards him Assumpta: Who gave you the right... Peter: (more gently) You're not alone Assumpta: (seething) Do not presume to think that I am not acutely aware of what is happening to me She pushes back past Peter and runs into the pub, slamming the door behind her. She turns and collapses against it, sopping wet, drawing in a deep breath. Outside Fitzgeralds Peter stands staring up into the night sky. Suddenly the door to Fitzgeralds opens again and Assumpta flings Peter's coat to him. It lands on the wet ground at his feet. A momentary look of regret flashes across Assumpta's face. However, she again slams the door. Peter stands for a moment then picks up his coat and puts it on, pulling it tight around himself and heads of towards St Josephs, kicking the ground as he goes. SCENE: Morning. Ambrose and Niamh's kitchen. Ambrose is clearing dishes and Niamh is feeding Kieran. Niamh: You've got to do something Ambrose. They're out of control Ambrose: What can I do?! Niamh: Well you're the Guard aren't you?! Ambrose: I can't order them out of town Niamh, they're cockroaches. Or perhaps you'd like me to shoot them all, is that it? Niamh: I don't know! But something has to be done. Where did they all come from anyway?! SCENE: Liam and Donal are in the same shed as previously. They are looking into the same box. Liam pulls a piece of paper from his pocket and reads it while Donal picks up a stick and starts poking around in the box. SCENE: Exterior. Fitzgeralds. Same morning. Assumpta is cleaning the outside windows. Niamh is walking across the road toward her. Niamh: Getting all spic and span for tonight then hey? Assumpta: (slightly startled) Huh? Oh, yeah. Niamh: So is it all ready then? Assumpta: What? Niamh: Everything for tonight Assumpta: How should I know Niamh: (confused) Aren't you organising things? Assumpta: No. Not me. That's Peter's little brain-child Niamh: (concerned) Aren't you helping? Assumpta: (pleading) Niamh Niamh: Ok then, so is Peter all organised? Assumpta: I'm not his keeper Niamh. Why not ask him Niamh: I just thought since it was being held here, you'd... Assumpta: Well you thought wrong then Niamh: But... Assumpta: Niamh! I haven't seen Peter, alright. I assume he's got everything under control. Didn't he ask you to make a dish? Niamh: (catching on to the fact that they had a fight) Oh I see. Yeah he did. (Soothingly) I'm sure it'll all be fine Assumpta: I'm glad you're sure Niamh: I'll see you tonight then Assumpta: See ya Niamh heads off up the road and passes Peter on his way towards Fitzgeralds. Niamh smiles reassuringly. Niamh: Morning Father Peter: Niamh Niamh: How are you? Peter: All the better for seeing you Niamh Niamh smiles and walks on. Peter reaches Fitzgeralds. Assumpta is still busily cleaning. She doesn't stop and doesn't look up. Peter: Hey! Assumpta: (without looking at him) Hey Peter: (deciding to cut to the chase) Look I know you hate me right now, but no more than I hate myself. I had no right to say the things I said. If I could take it all back I would... Assumpta: (she finally stops and looks at him) I don't hate you Peter Peter: Loath? Despise? Intensely dislike? Assumpta: There are just certain things (she takes an exhausted breath)... things that I'm not ready to deal with, that I don't have the strength to deal with, and you seem to have a unique talent of making me think about them Assumpta pauses and looks at Peter to see if he understands. He is listening intently. Assumpta: And possibly I over-reacted, just a little, the other night Peter: I'm sorry I upset you Assumpta: Yeah, well you're forgiven I guess Peter: (meaning more than the fight) I *am* sorry Assumpta: (to break the slightly uncomfortable intensity of the moment) You can drop the pure-of-heart act, I don't buy it for a minute Peter: Let us be friends and quarrel no more Assumpta smiles at Peter and he smiles back with relief. Suddenly Peter looks down at his feet, jumps and lets out a girly scream. Assumpta: (concerned) What? Peter: (ashamed) Cockroach Assumpta: (rolls her eyes) Real scary! Peter: Well, I guess I've got a dish to make before tonight Assumpta: Do I need to do anything? Peter: Just show up Assumpta: I live here Peter: Indeed you do. Easy then! I'll see you around six so we can add some festive touches? Assumpta: I'll be waiting Peter: Bye Assumpta: See ya Peter starts walking back towards St Josephs, but then turns back and calls out Peter: You could arrange pens and paper for everyone Assumpta: What? Peter: You know - pens and paper. Pre the information technology revolution Assumpta: What did your last slave die of?! Peter: Insolence! Assumpta laughs and Peter once again heads off up the road. She watches him go. SCENE: New Years Eve. Interior Fitzgeralds. The pub is completely empty. There is no sound or movement anywhere. The outside door opens slowly and Peter pops his head in. He looks around and calls out Peter: Assumpta? There is no response. He walks inside and shuts the door, then calls again Peter: Assumpta? Again no response. So he looks in the kitchen and call again Peter: Assumpta? From upstairs Assumpta calls down Assumpta: Yeah yeah, I'm coming Assumpta appears at the top of the stairs making final adjustments to her outfit. She walks down the stairs without looking up. She stops short of the bottom of the stairs as she looks up at Peter. They both stand stunned with mouths agape for a moment. Assumpta is in a black evening dress and Peter is dressed in suit and tie. Assumpta lets out a nervous laugh Assumpta: Are you allowed to wear that Peter? Peter: No, no I'm not. Breaking the slightly less-known 11th Commandment actually Assumpta: Ha ha Peter: (looking at Assumpta with admiration) Are you allowed to wear that?! Assumpta: What's wrong with it? Peter: (smiling) Nothing. It's just you could lead many a man to a sinful thought in an outfit like that Assumpta: Oh bog off Peter. Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. (With a grin) I should know! They both look at each other, trying to conceal their mutual admiration SCENE: Donal's house. Early Evening. Donal is in the kitchen. Liam enters from the living room carrying a plastic bag. They are both in suits. Liam: Come on Donal, we'll be late Donal: Right. I'm just getting my dish Liam: What did you make? Donal: Lasangna Liam: Beef or vegetable? Donal: I'm not sure Liam: You're not sure? Donal: I'll check Donal goes to the freezer and removes a frozen instant dinner packet Donal: Beef Liam: Oh for pities sake Donal! Donal: What!? Liam pulls the exact same packet out of his plastic bag. It's dripping. Liam: You could have at least defrosted it first! SCENE: Fitzgeralds. Interior. Peter and Assumpta are setting a long table. Peter takes some chips from the middle of the table. Assumpta: Drop it! Peter hurriedly stuffs the chips in his mouth and then speaks with it full Peter: Ooops! Too late The door to Fitzgeralds opens and Niamh and Ambrose enter. Ambrose is carrying a dish. Niamh: Happy almost New Year Peter: Welcome, welcome Ambrose: We come bearing food Assumpta: Great! What have you got there then? Ambrose: Beef lasagna Assumpta: Mmm, perfect! Peter: So where's little Kieran? Niamh: Who? Ambrose: Our son Niamh: Oh right! Ambrose's mother decided to stay on till after the New Year - she's got him Assumpta: Oh, (dubiously) how nice Niamh: (with little enthusiasm) Yes, isn't it swell The door to Fitzgeralds bursts open and Brendan, Siobhan and Padraig enter full of cheer. Brendan: Happy New Year all! They all respond in kind. Siobhan offers her dish to Assumpta. Siobhan: Beef lasagna Brendan: Mines the same, but we figured two wouldn't go astray Padraig: And I've made vegetable lasagna Assumpta spins to look at Peter who is cowering at the end of the table Assumpta: Did you not *tell* them what to make Peter?! Peter: I didn't know they'd all come up with the same thing! Assumpta: (to the others) We'd have been better to have a baboon in charge Peter smiles back sarcastically. Niamh: Sure it'll be fine. Liam and Donal are bound to bring something to add a bit of variety Assumpta: We'll be lucky if they bring anything. Do us a favour Brendan, walk across to Hendleys and see if you can't rustle up something to spice things up a little Brendan: For you Assumpta, I would walk 500 miles Padraig: And I would walk 500 more Peter: Just to be the man that walked 1000 miles... Assumpta: Oh pull your head in! They all cackle SCENE: Exterior Fitzgeralds. Brendan is walking across to Hendleys. A van labelled Michael Rawson-Daly Exterminator zooms past towards St Josephs SCENE: Exterior Brian Quigley's home. The same van is parked outside. SCENE: Interior Brian Quigley's Home. Brian is handing over a cheque to the exterminator SCENE: Exterior Fitzgeralds. Music and laughter are emanating from inside. SCENE: Interior Fitzgeralds. Assumpta, Peter, Siobhan, Doc Ryan, Brendan, Padraig, Niamh, Ambrose, Liam and Donal are all sitting around one long table covered with food and drink. Padraig: So Brendan, what's your resolution this year? Brendan: What's the point of making a resolution when you're perfect already Assumpta: But surely the assumption of perfection is, in itself, a fatal flaw? Brendan looks questioningly at Assumpta, shrugs and turns back to Padraig Brendan: What about you old friend? Padraig: I've resolved to no longer make hollow resolutions and therefore was unable to make any resolution given that any that I did make was bound to be hollow Peter: Say that again, but a lot slower Donal: My resolution is to no longer be taken advantage of, and I won't stand for being the butt of everyone's jokes anymore Padraig: Just most people's jokes hey Donal?! Dr Ryan: Good luck with that Donal Assumpta: So where's your Dad Niamh? Well be finished before he gets here Niamh: He's meeting with Michael Rawson-Daly Brendan: Who? Niamh: Michael Rawson-Daly Donal: What? Niamh: Michael Rawson-Daly, it's hyphenated Assumpta: Maybe he took his wife's name Donal: Oh Ambrose: The exterminator Liam: Oh no! Dr Ryan: What? Liam: Oh no...thing The door to Fitzgeralds swings open and Brian strides in Brian: I have arrived. The beasts have been slayed and the party may now commence Donal: Oh no Donal and Liam drop their heads SCENE: Exterior Fitzgeralds. Michael Rawson-Daly's Exterminator van zooms past Fitzgeralds and over the bridge. SCENE: Various exteriors of evening in Ballykissangel, ending with an exterior shot of Fitzgeralds SCENE: Interior Fitzgeralds. A clock on the wall reads 10:30pm. A cockroach runs across the clock face. Everyone is sitting around the table. Peter has just sat down with a pile of note paper, pens and two bowls. Dr Ryan: What's all this then Peter? Peter: This is the part of the evening people love to hate, or is that hate to love? I'm never sure Niamh: What is it? Peter: It's time for the painful truth Siobhan: The what? Peter: The painful truth Assumpta: Or the most convincing lie Peter: No. The truth. Everyone gets a piece of paper which you rip in half. On one half write your name, on the other half write a question. We then put all the names in one bowl and questions in the other. We'll go around the table taking turns to pull out a name and a question. Who evers name is picked has to answer the question as truthfully as possible Niamh: Oh my word! Assumpta: Come on, how old are we? I haven't done something like that since school Peter: And try to keep it decent, we don't want to offend anyone Assumpta: Oh and who would it be that we'd offend then Peter? Peter: I have no secrets Assumpta: Well see Brendan: Let the games begin! They each take pen and paper and begin to write. Many a cheeky grin can be seen. Niamh is thoughtful. She tries to sneak a peek at what Ambrose is writing but he hurriedly shields it from her view. Dr Ryan is first finished and puts his two bits of paper in the bowls. Brendan drops his paper in the bowls and winks in Siobhan's direction. She puts her paper in the bowls while looking rather proud of her effort. Assumpta glances up from under her brow at Peter and hurriedly looks away when he looks in her direction. One by one they each put their paper in the bowls. A nervous excitement fills the room. Donal: So who's first? **The following scenes fade into one another in a continuous time lapse sequence** Ambrose reaches into each bowl and takes a piece of paper Ambrose: Ok, contestant number one...it's Brendan! A cheer goes up Siobhan: Something tough please Ambrose Ambrose: I'll do my best. The question. Alright Brendan, the painful truth, which of the Ten Commandments have you broken? Assumpta: Oh please! Surely it'd be quicker to ask which he hasn't broken, there's bound to be fewer Brendan: You're making the big assumption with that question that I actually know what the Ten Commandments are Donal: A lot of guff about donkeys and neighbours wives I believe Brendan: Thanks Donal Everyone looks intently at Brendan awaiting a response. Brendan begins to feel the pressure Brendan: Now surely that'd be a better question for Peter. Clean slate hey Father? Peter: Oh you'd be suprised Siobhan: Please, do tell!? Peter: Unfortunately Siobhan, that was not my question and I'd hate to break the rules of the game. Brendan? Peter looks to Brendon with a raised eyebrow which beckons a response Brendan: Alright then. Ok. Mmm. Well. Let's see. Ten Commandments. I'm drawing a blank. Someone help me out here Dr Ryan: Thou shalt not kill Brendan: Right! Thanks Doc. Never broken that one. Although there's probably a couple of cockroaches who'd dispute that...if they could Both Liam and Donals heads drop again **Cross fade to Brian taking a name and question from the bowls** Brian: And the next victim...my little angel Niamh Niamh: Dad! Liam: The question Niamh: Oh please let it be respectable Brian: Who was your first love? Niamh: Oh wonderful Brian: It's your father of course Padraig: I don't think the question means that sort of love Brian Siobhan: (flatly) What is love anyway? Peter: (absently) Something akin to nausea Everyone stops and looks at Peter. He quickly adds... Peter: (smiling sheepishly) So I've been told Assumpta: (while looking at Peter) Niamh?! Story time Niamh: There's no story. It's boring really. It was Ambrose of course Ambrose: Well thank you very much Niamh: No, I didn't mean it like that Ambrose: No, really, that's fine. Dull as dishwater, I understand Niamh: Oh don't be a child. From the moment I met Ambrose I knew he was the one for me. I felt safe Ambrose: From the moment I met Niamh I was afraid Niamh: (swiping at Ambrose) Go on with ya Brendon: There's one about adultery isn't there? Niamh: Your point? Brendan: A commandment Niamh: Oh Brendan: Since I've never been married, and never had an affair with anyone who was married, I'm in the clear on that one too! Padraig: So far so good old friend **Cross fade to Dr Ryan plucking a name from the bowl** Dr Ryan: Padraig! The others cheer and jeer as Dr Ryan takes a question Dr Ryan: Padraig, if you could be anyone for a day, who would it be? Siobhan: Oh that's not probing! Peter: Well that all depends on his answer now doesn't it?! All eyes turn to Padraig Padraig: (with head held high and chest puffed out) I'd be the best version of myself that I could possibly be There is a stunned silence as everyone looks at Padraig, mouths agape. They look from one face to another. Simultaneously they all break into laughter and Brendan slaps Padraig on the back.. Brendan: Ah, you nearly fooled us! Come on, who would you really be? Padraig joins in the laughter Padraig: Alright. If I could anyone I guess I'd be Superman for a day. Apart from his many supernatural talents, and the obvious link to Lois Lane, I've always wanted to be able to fly! Assumpta: I thought you already could - I've seen you drive Siobhan is sitting with a grin from ear to ear. Brendan notices. Brendan: Siobhan? Siobhan: I'm just picturing the tights Niamh & Assumpta: Eeeww! Brian: Thank you very much for bringing that image to my head Siobhan, I've just eaten! Padraig: (offended) Hey! **Cross fade to Niamh taking a name and question** Niamh: Liam! Donal lets out a whahoo as Niamh continues Niamh: With who, where, and when was your first kiss? Liam: I'm still waiting Assumpta: Ah go on with ya! Liam: I'm serious - I'm still waiting! Peter: Come on Liam, the painful truth Liam: Trust me, the truth doesn't get much more painful than that! They all laugh undecidedly **Cross fade to Peter taking a question** Peter: Siobhan, what's the worst pick up line you've ever used or had used on you? Peter pulls a face Assumpta: (cheekily) Brendan? Brendan: (feigning ignorance of her meaning) What?! Peter: (with a look of disapproval) Assumpta! Assumpta: Don't give me that dirty look Brian: That's right, she doesn't need it, she's got one of her own! Assumpta pokes her tongue out at Brian Brian: Very mature Niamh: The answer! Siobhan: One day I was out wandering with a couple of girlfriends, back in my wild youth, when we came across a dashing young man painting a landscape by a river. One of my friends dared me to go up to him. So I did. In unison everyone pulls their chair a little closer to the table Niamh: And? Siobhan: (holding back laughter) And, I asked him if he'd like to paint me nude A chuckle goes around the table Niamh: (amazed) What did he say? Siobhan: He said sure he would, but did I mind if he left his socks on, otherwise he wouldn't have anywhere to stick his brushes Siobhan laughs and the others exchange amused looks Assumpta: Was that the end of it? Siobhan: We actually went out a couple of times and then he decided to start stealing from me Niamh: Oh Siobhan Siobhan: I should have known. After all, he was an Australian and we all know Australia was almost entirely populated by criminals Assumpta: Yeah, but they were Irish criminals Brendan: Thou shalt not steal. That's one. I guess until Padraig gets his lawn mower back...and Siobhan her blender...and Peter his shovel Brian: And my tennis racquet Donal: And me my wrench Brendan: Right! Until all those things are returned, I guess the jury's out on whether I've broken that one or not **Cross fade to Siobhan with question in hand** Siobhan: Donal! What's the biggest secret you have Donal: But if I tell it wont be a secret Brendan: Precisely Donal: I do have one secret Liam: (hurriedly) Ah that's a ridiculous question. Next one Padraig: Hang on a moment Liam, we want to hear this one secret Liam: No we don't Donal: It's about the cockroaches Liam: No it's not Brian: Donal? Donal: I know where they all came from Liam: Yeah it's the plague, they came from the heavens Donal: No they didn't Liam: (with a warning stare) Donal Donal: They came from Mr Quigley's shed Brian: What? Niamh: Dad! Brian: (offended) Well I didn't put them there Peter: Donal? Donal: The Annual Roach Race is in Dublin next weekend Ambrose: You're breeding cockroaches?! Liam: We didn't have to try very hard Donal: It sorta got out of control Brian: You're telling me **Cross fade to Liam taking a question** Liam: Guard Egan! Now you can't arrest me for this, it's not my question. I'm just the messenger. Remember that Brian: Get on with it Liam: Alright then - what's the thing or person that makes you most nervous Ambrose: Being asked personal questions in front of a group of people on New Years Eve ranks right up there Siobhan: Come on now Ambrose, you can do better than that Ambrose: I guess, to combine the two, I was pretty nervous when I first told Brian I wanted to marry Niamh. But I gathered all my courage and walked right up to him, look him in the eye, and said Mr Quigley, I want to marry your daughter Siobhan: Good for you Ambrose Ambrose: He continued to look me straight in the eye and told me to leave my name and number, and if nothing better came along he'd give me a call Assumpta: (with a smirk) Oh the cruelty Brian: Oh Ambrose that's not true. You came and asked me for my daughter's hand, so I told you to take the one that's always in my pocket Niamh: Dad! Niamh turns to Ambrose and smiles fondly **Cross fade to Brendan with question in hand** Brendan: Assumpta! Everyone cheers Assumpta: Yeah yeah. Thank you very much. I shall reveal nothing Brendan: Name an experience you'd most like to forget Assumpta: What? Niamh: (chirpily) Oh that would have to be your seventeenth birthday Assumpta: (defensively) What!? Niamh: (matter of fact) You were hammered Assumpta: (indignant) I was not hammered! Who's answering this question anyway Assumpta turns to Peter to find support, only to find him smiling widely. He merely shrugs. Niamh: Oh yes you were, you were hammered. It was a party to end all parties. No parents and Assumpta got completely toasted Assumpta: Niamh! Niamh: (not deterred) She was standing on tables reciting poetry, and when she ran out of poems she started on song lyrics Everyone is keenly interested Assumpta: (weakly) I did no such thing Niamh: We put her to bed, but she got up and started again where she's left off. We heard every word from The Unforgettable Fire Assumpta: What are you trying to do? Embarrass me to death?! Niamh: You spent most of the night complaining that there was too much blood in your alcohol system. You only stopped when you danced straight into a wall Assumpta: I was not hammered Niamh: Yeah, you were Assumpta: I only had a couple of drinks Brendan: Cheap date hey Assumpta!? Assumpta: Well how can it be an experience I'd most prefer to forget if I have no recollection of it to start with?! Niamh: I rest my case Assumpta: The next day, however, was one I could have lived without Assumpta smiles in embarrassed defeat Brendan: If there's a commandment related to drinking in excess, I've broken that one more times than I care to remember Assumpta: Ah, but it keeps me in business Brendan **Cross fade to Padraig who is holding a question** Padraig: Doc Ryan, what event has irreversibly changed your life? Assumtpa: (sarcastically) Bring on the easy ones Doc Ryan: No, actually this is an easy one, for me at least. I guess I was around about sixteen years old. A good friend of mine was killed when he was hit by a car. There is a thick silence Doc Ryan: Afterwards, what I couldn't come to terms with was not that my friend had died, but I couldn't come to terms with the fact that within a split second life could change so much. That life could hang so precariously by a thread, ready to snap at any moment with one ill timed move. If he'd been just one minute earlier, or one minute later that day, he might still be alive now Siobhan: That must have been awful Donal: Yeah, it's the kind of thing that makes you question your own morality Brian: Ah, no, not really Peter: Mortality Donal Assumpta smiles at Peter and Doc Ryan forces a smile Donal: I don't think I'm ready to die just yet Niamh: Let's pray none of us are Donal: I wonder who'd do the urology at my funeral Dr Ryan: It's a bit late for a urology at your funeral Donal Liam: Eulogy Donal Donal: Oh yeah right Brendan: You're not making it real easy for us to help you out with that New Years resolution Donal Assumpta: But it's not the New Year yet Siobhan: Almost though Niamh: Do we have time for another question Assumpta: Cause we do Assumpta hurriedly reaches for a name and question. Liam gets up rubbing his stomach and leaves the table Liam: Too much lasagne Assumpta: (disappointedly) Brian Brian: (rubbing his hands together fearlessly) Bring it on Assumpta: (with a frown of concern) Have you ever seen a ghost? Brian: Everyday when I look in the mirror. The ghost of the man I once was and the ghost of the man I could have been Padraig: Ah seriously now Brian Brian: Well legend has it that the ghost of BallyK still walks the banks of the River Angel. But no, I myself have never seen a ghost Peter: The ghost of BallyK? Doc Ryan: Have you not heard the story Peter? Peter shakes his head Brian: Legend has it that back in the late seventeenth century a pair of young lovers formed a pact to always be together in life and in death. He was wanted for theft and smuggling, and as sure as he was to be caught, he was to be put to death. He sooner wanted to die a free man than a prisoner. Not wanting to let him go alone, his lover took his life and then her own, supposedly along the River Angel - true to their pact. He was unburdened of his crime and she was damned to walk the river for ever for hers Niamh: There's a poem isn't there? A horrid children's rhyme? Doc Ryan: Indeed there is - From the black tangled heart Of lovers torn apart Spawned the ghost of Mary Daisy Brian: Her lover the thief Begged for relief Begged the ghost of Mary Daisy Brendan: He fled from the chain She put a pistol to his brain Did the ghost of Mary Daisy Siobhan: She stood high 'bove the river For a moment did shiver Did the ghost of Mary Daisy Padraig: She'd not let him go alone She fell to the stone Did the ghost of Mary Daisy Brian: Now she comes by night She comes by daylight Does the ghost of Mary Daisy Suddenly the lights all go out, a door slams, the clash of heads and a simultaneous moan can be heard. The lights flicker back on to reveal both Assumpta and Peter rubbing their foreheads. Liam is returning from the bathroom laughing wickedly Liam: Got ya! Assumpta: Real funny Liam: Have you all seen the time They all swing around to look at the clock. A floundering cockroach drops to the ground. It is a quarter to twelve. Peter: Let's fill our glasses and before the stroke of twelve each toast the New Year ahead Assumpta: (under her breath) Convenient Peter: Assumpta, you want to start? Assumpta: Fine. Um (raising her glass) May we all live as long as we want and never want as long as we live Assumpta smiles proud of her effort. Peter flashes an approving look and continues Peter: May we all get to heaven half an hour before the devil knows we're dead Assumpta: Oh very uplifting Niamh: May we all be alive this time twelve months Assumpta: What is this? A wake? Padraig: May the flees of a thousand camels infest the underpants of our enemies Assumpta: That's more like it Brian: To our wives and sweethearts. May they never meet Doc Ryan: Remember the poor, it costs you nothing Ambrose: May we drink to the thirst which is yet to come Donal: May your luck be like the capital of Ireland, always Dublin Brendan: May you slide down the bannister of life with nary a splinter Liam: There's many a toast, if I could think of it. Damned if I can so let's drink to it Siobhan: And a special on as the midnight hour is upon us - may we kiss who we please and please who we kiss! There is a chorus of "Here, here" as everyone raises their glasses and toasts the New Year. Peter and Assumpta exchange a tender look. Brendan: Who needs a refill? Siobhan: Yes please Brendan takes an open bottle of wine and upturns it into Siobhan's glass. A mere drop comes out Brendan: I'm out. Ambrose Brendan indicates the bottle in front of Ambrose. Ambrose picks it up and shakes it Ambrose: It's empty too Brendan: Assumpta? Assumpta: Yes Brendan: We're out of wine Assumpta: So? Brendan: So...get some more! Assumpta: There's more in the kitchen Brendan: So? Assumpta: So you get some more Peter: (enthusiastically curt) I'll get some more Peter hurriedly gets up and goes into the kitchen. He closes the door after himself Assumpta: (to Brendan) Are your arms painted on?! Liam: Only a few more minutes Niamh: Oh party hats people Niamh hands out party hats, noise makers and streamer poppers Siobhan: (calling out) Come on Peter! Padraig: Perhaps he's fallen asleep Assumpta: Not for long Assumpta gets up and goes to the kitchen. Brian raises a bottle of wine from beside his chair Brian: Reserve supply SCENE: Interior kitchen at Fitzgeralds. Peter is sitting at the kitchen table fiddling with a tea towel. Assumpta bursts through the door Assumpta: Peter, what on earth...(she stops on seeing him just sitting there)...What are you doing? Peter: Oh sorry. I got sidetracked. I, ah, couldn't find the wine Assumpta: Well it has to be here somewhere. Did you look? Peter: Yes I looked! Assumpta comes into the kitchen, closing the door after herself. She begins to fumble through piles of packets and dishes on benches. Peter watches then clears his throat Peter: So what's your New Year's resolution? Assumpta: (absently) I don't have one Peter: Oh Assumpta: I couldn't choose. Too many things need resolving. Anyway, what's the point. I don't believe in deluding myself Peter: Fair enough Assumpta: And I suppose Peter Perfect has written a list? Peter: Mock if you wish. I'm not perfect...yet Assumpta: Oh I know that (turning and smiling) I just wasn't sure you knew it Peter: Far from perfect Assumpta: Really? How so? Peter: Hey? Nothing, it was just a comment Assumpta: No it wasn't. It was a statement loaded with meaning. I'm interested to hear about your imperfections. Makes me think you might be human after all Peter: Well I'd hate to give you that impression, as that's a complete and utter fallacy Assumpta: Uh huh! Assumpta continues to look for the wine, stacking things as she goes. Peter sits in silence, twirling his tea towel. He is obviously lost in thought. Assumpta's back is to him. Finally he breaks the silence Peter: Assumpta? She turns to look at him Peter: I know life can be hard. It's just that sometimes in order to survive, I need to believe in something Assumpta: Or conversely, to survive you could believe in nothing at all Peter: But that's not you? Assumpta: You know it's not Peter smiles fondly at Assumpta. She smiles back then turns away. Suddenly she spins back as if she's going to say something, but stops. She cocks her head thoughtfully to one side Assumpta: Have you ever had a premonition Peter? Peter: I knew you'd ask me that Assumpta: Seriously Peter: You mean like seen something that was going to happen before it did? Assumpta: Yeah, something like that Peter: I don't know. I've anticipated things, but I don't know that you'd call it a premonition. Like knowing who's on the phone before I pick it up Assumpta: Mmm Assumpta turns back and continues to clean up Peter: Why? Assumpta: Just wondered After stacking a couple more platters she again stops and turns to Peter Assumpta: Do you believe in ghosts? Peter: The ghost of Mary Daisy? Assumpta shrugs Peter: I believe in spirits. Is that the same thing? Assumpta: You tell me Peter: Well, the power of suggestion is an amazing thing. If you plant the notion, see all the right cues, you can believe you saw anything I guess Assumpta: That's a very clinical point of view Peter: What about you then. Do you believe in ghosts? Assumpta: (dismissively) I thought I saw one once Peter snaps to full attention Peter: You did?! Assumpta isn't looking at Peter Assumpta: (starting to sound edgy) Mmm, it was while I was in Dublin, just after I'd finished studying Assumpta stops and doesn't look like continuing, so Peter gently prods her Peter: And... Assumpta: I'd just been visiting my mother back here. She'd been quite sick and I was feeling so high and mighty for taking time out of my busy social schedule to come visit Assumpta looks up at Peter and laughs nervously Assumpta: When I left to go back to Dublin she seemed well enough. The night I got back, I was sitting catching up on lost time when I heard footsteps in the hallway, really light footsteps. So I got up to have a look. I don't know why, but it never crossed my mind to be afraid. And standing there at the end of the hall, as clear as day, was my mother. She just stood there, look at me, and smiled. Then the phone rang and she was gone. Peter is sitting spell bound Assumpta: It was Dr Ryan on the phone, telling me my mother was very bad. So I raced home, but she died before I got there. Dr Ryan said she died only moments after he'd rung me. And you know I was so mad at her for not waiting for me to get there. But really I was angry with myself for leaving in the first place. Assumpta pauses and looks up at Peter Assumpta: I just wanted to be able to say goodbye Peter: Perhaps you did Assumpta: Perhaps Assumpta smiles at Peter through glazed eyes Peter: Do you miss her alot? Assumpta: She's my mother Assumpta brushes a tear from her eyes and quickly changes the subject Assumpta: We should find this wine and get back to the others. Who knows what they'll think we're up to Peter: The mind boggles Assumpta spins around and opens the fridge. Peter gets up to help her look. Peter looks in a couple of cupboards then notices that Assumpta is staring blankly into the fridge. He goes to the fridge behind Assumpta. She continues to stare, oblivious to the fact that Peter is now behind her. Suddenly, without looking, she backs up into him. She turns in suprise and is facing Peter only centimetres away from him Assumpta: Sorry Peter: Sorry Neither of them move away. Peter looks down at Assumpta then raises his hand to the side of her face. He brushes the hair from her forehead and then gently runs his thumb over the smallest of red marks Peter: (quietly) You've got a bump from earlier Assumpta is frozen with tears in her eyes Assumpta: (shakily) It's fine Peter moves his hand down the side of Assumpta's face, resting it on her cheek Peter: (meaning her Mum but still with his finger gently brushing her forehead) Does it hurt alot? Assumpta: (almost inaudible) Yes Peter raises his other hand and holds Assumpta's face gently. A tear drops down one of her cheeks. Peter softly wipes it away. From outside the cheers of Happy New Year rip through the silence. Assumpta hastily pulls away from Peter. Assumpta: (flustered) Happy New Year...Father We should get back to the others Assumpta rushes to the door an back out into the pub. Peter is left standing alone. He puts his hand over his heart an breaths in deeply. SCENE: Fitzgeralds Interior Pub. Same time. Brendan grabs Assumpta as she emerges from the kitchen and gives her a bear hug, lifting her off her feet. This is followed by a hug from Niamh. Peter returns to join the others. Niamh leaves Assumpta and goes to Peter, kissing him on the cheek. She then giggles. Brian comes to Peter and shakes his hand. Peter: Happy New Year Brian Padraig: You were in there all that time and you still didn't get any wine?! Peter: Happy New Year to you too Padraig Brendan: Assumpta? How about a poem? Assumpta: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Maybe next year Siobhan: I feel a year of change is ahead of us Assumpta looks at Peter an he smiles at her shyly. Everyone continues to chatter and drink. FADE OUT TO: SCENE: Interior Fitzgeralds. Same evening but much later Assumpta is clearing up. Peter is leading Brian to the door. Brian is a little worse for wear. Everyone else has left. Brian: Thank-you both, you make a good team, that was a lovely evening. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and pass out Peter: Will you be alright Brian? Brian: Fine, fine. To all a good night Assumpta: Goodnight Brian Peter: Goodnight Peter shuts the door after Brian. Peter turns back to Assumpta Peter: I'll help you clear up Assumpta: It's ok. I'll do it in the morning Peter: You did a marvellous job here tonight. I think everyone had a really good time. Good food, good drink, good company, and a few home truths revealed Assumpta: Some better forgotten I think Peter: Maybe Assumpta: Anyhow, you conveniently never got to answer your painful truth question Assumpta heads to the table with the bowls from behind the bar and Peter converges from the door Peter: Is there one left? Assumpta: Indeed there is Peter: Bugger They both sit. Assumpta takes the question and reads it to herself. She then screws up the paper and throws it back in the bowl. She's embarrassed. Assumpta: Oh let's just forget it Peter: Why? What does it say? Peter reaches across the table and grabs the paper before Assumpta can stop him. He reads it and smiles with embarrassment, putting the paper back in the bowl. Peter: Yeah well just forget it They smile embarrassed at each other. They sit for a moment in companionable silence Assumpta: You asked me the other night why I hate the church so much. Truth? Peter: Uh huh Assumpta: I don't (she looks at Peter and adds with a grin) I just hate it a little. Some parts more than others Peter grins back Peter: Thank-you SCENE: Exterior Fitzgeralds. Same night/day. Light is breaking through the dark. The door of Fitzgeralds opens and Peter and Assumpta emerge from the pub Assumpta: Wow, what time is it? Peter: Very late, or very early They walk out further onto the street and wander a distance towards the bridge. They stand together for a moment. Assumpta yawns Assumpta: I'm gunna get some sleep. They look at each other for a moment Assumpta: See you later She heads off back towards the door Peter: (with his head titled to one side) Wait Assumpta: (stopping) What? Peter: Can't you feel it? Assumpta: Feel what? Peter: It's amazing Assumpta: What? Peter: The magic. In the air Assumpta: Huh? Assumpta starts to leave, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. Assumpta: You're crazy! Peter: No wait. Just stand still for a minute Assumpta stops. Everything is quiet except for the gentle rustle of the trees and the faint sound of the river. Peter looks to Assumpta who is concentrating and absorbing the peace. She looks to Peter as he smiles at her. Unwittingly she smiles back Peter: (triumphantly) See. Amazing Assumpta: (walking away but still smiling) Yeah, whatever Assumpta goes back to the pub, but stops short of the door. She turns back to Peter Assumpta: Happy New Year Peter Peter: Happy New Year Assumpta Assumpta goes into the pub smiling broadly. Peter remains in the middle of the street smiling FADE OUT ROLL CLOSING CREDITS 'Twas the night before New Year And all through the house Not a creature was stirring Not even a cockroach?