Buffy stood in her basement, pounding herself into her favorite red punching bag, determined to work out some of the pre-menstrual cramps that were working her over this morning. The bag was extremely heavy, but it spewed dust satisfyingly every time she lashed out at it.

She muttered to herself between hits.

"Why me?"

"So many other girls could have..."

"Damn Giles anyway..."

"And where the hell does Angel get off playing Cryptic-Man with me?"

(kick)

"Willow's such a wuss..."

"Won't Xander just get over it?"

She doubled over. "And damn my body too!" Buffy dropped herself down on the mat placed under the bag.

"Buffy honey, are you talking to yourself again?"

"No mom," she replied sweetly, but silently gave her the finger.

"All right."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Morning Buffy!"

"Shut up Willow."

"Whoa, Buffy, is something..." she tried to reply, but her friend had already stormed past. Willow pulled out a walkie-talkie and radioed the library.

"G-Man One, come in, G-Man One, come in."

"G-Man One here, I copy."

"We've got a Code 8 Alert."

"Code 8? Did you say Code 8?" Giles's voice trembled with fear.

"That's what I said...Buffy's got PMS!! Copy."

"Inform X-Fighter of the situation. Then proceed to home base immediately. Copy."

"G-Man, are you sure you can handle her by yourself until we get there? I mean, this is *Code 8* we're talking about here! Copy."

"I'm taking my life in my hands, but I'll try. Copy. Ten-four."

"Ten-Four."

Willow rushed off the find Xander and inform him of the Code 8. Meanwhile, Giles padded himself in all the protective gear he had and prepared to face the wrath of a premenstrual Slayer.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Grrrrr ahhhh!!" Buffy growled menacingly as she entered the library.

"Giles, where in the hell are you?" She wasn't quite sure why she wanted to see him-she had no good reason really-but it angered her that he wasn't where she expected him to be.

"Now, Buffy," Giles said cautiously as he rounded a corner, decked out in every form of protective padding that the human mind could conjure up.

"Don't 'Now Buffy' me, Giles! You don't know what this is like!"

"No, now I can't say that I do..."

"Exactly my point! Grrrr!!!"

Giles was mortally terrified. Where were Xander and Willow with backup? This was a *Code 8*, for god's sake! There was a Slayer with PMS on the loose!

"Buffy, just come sit in this nice chair with the comfy restraints on it..."

"NO!!! You can't make me! Aaaaa!" She yelled in fury as a vicious cramp grabbed her. Suddenly, Giles knew how to calm her.

"Buffy," he called softly, in a sing-song voice. "I have *chocolate*..."

Suddenly her voice was small and innocent.

"Chocolate?"

"Mmm hmm. Wouldn't you like some chocolate? Just come sit in the nice chair..."

"Well, OK..." Buffy sat down and snatched the chocolate. Giles quickly got her restrained while she was busy with the candy. It didn't take her long to finish it though, and Giles shrank back in fright as she fought the restraints with all her might, the chocolate already devoured.

"Just calm down Buffy, help will be here soon..."

"Grrrrrrrrr!!!!"

Just then, Willow and Xander burst through the door wearing army fatigues and black berets.

"We're moving in! Target is spotted!" Xander spoke quickly through a high-tech looking intercom attached to his ear. He addressed Giles next. "Don't worry Giles, we've got it!"

"Thank god! I was all out of chocolate!" He heaved a relieved sigh and collapsed into a chair to watch the...medication...be administered.

Xander held Buffy as gently as possible, which wasn't very, while Willow got out the tablets.

"Thank god for Midol," Xander heard Willow mutter. Meanwhile, Buffy was spewing and panting.

"Quick Willow, the pills! GIVE HER THE DAMN MIDOL!!" Xander didn't like premenstrual Slayers.

Willow popped the pills and a splash of water down Buffy's throat with the smooth motion of experience.

*Several Hours Later*

Buffy lay passed out from exhaustion on the couch of the library. Giles, Willow, and Xander huddled quietly together at the back of the large room for fear of waking the Slayer, listening while Xander whispered into his earpiece.

"Yes, yes, well, *this time* everything came out OK, but Giles needs a new supply of chocolate, and we'll need 8 more bottles of emergency Midol to restock the emergency stashes throughout the school. Yes. No, no one was injured this time. Well, until next month, ten-four," he said, and slipped the thing off of his head, addressing Giles and Willow.

"Good work team. We've survived Buffy's PMS...for this month..."

Allison Baxter - nwbaxter@altinet.net

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