A Trip to the Doctor
By: Allison Baxter
"Giles, do I *have* to??" Buffy whined mercilessly. Giles detested whining, and she knew it. "But I'm the *Slayer*!!" she carried on, her voice rising another octave.
"Buffy, it's for your own good, and you're *going* to have your physical!"
"But *Giles*!!! I'm the *Slayer*, I'm perfectly healthy..."
"No buts Buffy..."
They went on like this all the way to the doctor's office. Mrs. Summers was out of town, and she had asked "that nice librarian" to take Buffy in for her yearly appointment. Giles hadn't known what he was getting into; Buffy HATED to go to the doctor. She hated to go to the doctor without her mommy even more. The big mighty Slayer was afraid of *doctors*.
They walked (or rather, Giles walked and Buffy stumbled, being tugged along behind him) into the waiting room. Giles went to talk to the nice receptionist, and Buffy plopped down in front of the lego-block table and stuck her thumb in her mouth. She really REALLY hated going to the doctor's.
"Hello sir, can I help you?"
Giles looked over at Buffy and rolled his eyes, heaving a great world-weary sigh before answering the woman.
"Hmpf. Yes, I have an appointment for Buffy Summers?"
"All righty, just let me check the computer for you!" she said in such a cheerful voice that Giles wanted to strangle her. "Um, well, we have an appointment down for Bubble Simmers, could someone possibly have gotten her name wrong?"
"Bubble Simmers?" Giles asked. Good grief.
"Well, we could schedule this for tomorrow..."
Mrs. Simmers, ah, *Summers*, wasn't due back for another week, and a return trip to the doctor's office with Buffy didn't go over well for Giles.
"No, no!" he interrupted her. "We'll take the Bubble Simmers appointment. Anything to get this nightmare over with." The woman gave him a strange look, but typed some keys into the keyboard and nodded affirmatively.
"Thank you Sir. We'll be able to see your daughter in a few moments. Just fill out this form please."
"Thank you. And she's not my daughter." The lady gave him another weird look, but he had already turned away with the form. He headed over and took a seat in an uncomfortable plastic chair near Buffy's spot on the floor. While he had been talking to the receptionist, Buffy had constructed a huge castle-complete with turrets and a moat-out of the legos. He heaved another sigh, rolled his eyes, and tried to fill out the form.
"Buffy, you've never had any surgical operations, have you?"
"Noplem," Buffy tried to say "No" but her thumb muffled her speech. Giles checked 'no'.
"Allergic to anything?"
"Ndoelm," she replied.
"You don't have any psychological problems do you...?" He glanced up to see her giving him a huge idiotic grin, and proceeded to check 'no' in every single box, ignoring the questions completely.
"Bubble Simmers?"
"Oh, that's you Buffy!" he said quietly. Buffy looked to him, confused, but he just pulled her off the floor and hissed, "Go on! And take your thumb out of your mouth for heaven's sake!"
"No!!!!" she roared, and Giles immediately tried to quiet her.
"What?!" he whispered, trying to ignore the stares of other parents around the room. "What IS IT?"
"I don't wanna go by myself!!"
"Alright, alright, I'll come with you. Just stop bellowing!" They crossed the room, and as they did he passed a mother and her son.
"You have a *lovely* daughter," she said quite sarcastically.
"She's NOT my daughter!" Giles snapped. The woman thought it best to remain silent.
He grabbed Buffy's hand and led her down the hall that led to the examining room. Buffy stopped crying, but she still pouted. She HATED the doctor's office. They entered the little room.
"The doctor will be right with you," a sympathetic nurse assured them, but she left the room as quickly as possible.
Buffy hopped up on the table, and swung her legs back and forth. Giles sat in another uncomfortable chair, muttering, "Why me?" Luckily for Giles, the doctor arrived shortly. He was a cheerful happy-faced man...the kind that annoyed Giles and amused Buffy. She had her thumb in her mouth again.
"Hello..." he paused to check his chart. "Bubble." He doubled-checked it, but that's what it said her name was... He shrugged. Oh well. He'd seen weirder names than Bubble Simmers.
"And you're just here for a physical today, right Bubble?" Giles rolled his eyes at the ridiculous name but kept silent. The faster this was over, the better. Buffy looked bewildered, as if she wasn't quite sure who the doctor was speaking to, so Giles answered for her.
"Yes, that's right doctor." The man turned to look at Giles.
"Ah, you must be the..." he eyed the teenage girl with her thumb stuck in her mouth. "Proud father." He sounded extremely uncertain.
"SHE'S NOT MY DAUGHTER!" Giles roared.
"Let's just get on with the physical, shall we?" he replied, ever cheerful.
"Fine."
Buffy saw the doctor pull out his reflex tester thingy.
"Mr. Doctor sir, I don't think you want to do that."
"Now Bubble, it's standard procedure." In the time that Buffy took to ponder why this man was still calling her Bubble, he tapped her knee lightly. He realized his mistake a second later when her Slayer reflexes kicked in and his reproductive organs got kicked out.
"Uhhhhhh...." The poor man doubled over in pain. Giles shook his head sadly, as if the whole thing could have been prevented.
"That's good, right?" Buffy asked innocently.
"Yes, perfect dear. Don't worry about a thing," Giles reassured her.
"Doctor, do you think she's healthy enough?"
"Uh....yes...uhhhh, you can ow! go now."
"Wonderful! Thank you doctor!" Giles said, cheerful now himself, and he gathered Buffy and they went to pay. The receptionist gave Buffy a lollipop.
"Oooo!" Buffy said excitedly. "A *red* one!" She immediately substituted the candy for her thumb and sucked contentedly.
"Stay healthy, Bubble!" the nurse called as they left. "Take good care of your father too, he seems stressed."
"I will!" Buffy called back good-naturedly, and Giles completely gave up.
He dragged her to the car. "Come on *Bubble*, let's go!"
The farther away from the doctor's office they got, the more Buffy seemed to return to normal. She was fine by the time Giles dropped her at her curb, but as she observed Giles, she thought she remembered him having more hair than he did now. She shrugged.
"Bye!" she said, then stopped and turned to him again. "Oh and Giles?"
"Yes?" he asked nervously.
"I have a dentist appointment tomorrow at 2." She smiled winningly.
As Giles's tires screeched down her street, she stood in her lawn wondering, "What's gotten into *him*?"
Allison Baxter - nwbaxter@altinet.net
