The Good Old Bad Old Days
Episode Synopsis:
Carmen takes up the Player's challenge of committing a "low-tech crime" after breaking into a bank in Japan.
Reporter: An impenetrable fortress. That's what they're calling your bank's new security vault. Is that accurate, Mr. Satsuma?
Mr. Satsuma: Gentlemen, the entire penthouse vault is made of titanium steel, one of the strongest metals known to man. It is surrounded by 15 feet of solid granite, one of the hardest igneous stones on earth. Beneath, you will find 12 empty floors sealed with 50,000-volt grids and the latest high-tech security equipment available. And no one, I repeat, no one can get into their personal belongings without being escorted by me, personally.
Mr. Satsuma: Gentlemen, now the tour continues through the penthouse where the vault is housed. I now present the most secure vault in the modern world!
Man: Huh?
Crowd: *gasps*
Carmen: I could've taken anything I wanted. But I faced the ultimate high-tech challenge and defeated it, Player. That's what's important.
Player: Anyone who had all your high-tech gadgets could've done the same.
Carmen: I am the greatest thief in the world, with or without them, and I can prove it.
Ivy: Zack! ZACK! I'm trying to finish my crossword puzzle! Do you mind?
Zack: Ivy, that was my big solo! Hey, it's the Chief!
Ivy: Boy, are we glad to see you. Any news on Carmen?
Chief: None! Ever since she pulled that heist at Satsuma Bank break-in last month (?), she's disappeared!
Ivy: Chief, we'll take any case you've got! A gang of jaywalkers, somebody forgot to floss...
Chief: Well, there's--nah, you wouldn't be interested.
Ivy: We're interested!
Chief: Okay, okay. CrimeNet got a hot tip that there might be a break-in at a Nevada gold mine. It's not exactly a Carmen type crime, but you could go, eh, stake it out.
Zack: Player, C-5 us out of here!
Henchman: We got a train to catch, boys. Fire up the elevator and let's go.
Zack: No crooks here. Just a bunch of miners' equipment.
Ivy: Zack, he called that an "elevator."
Zack: What, do you need glasses, sis? It is an elevator, except it's for rocks instead of people.
Ivy: Guess again, little bro. Any real miner would've called it a skip. I think these guys are--
Henchman: Oh yeah, a pest on our prarie dog! [?]
Ivy: Hi-yah! Yah!
*Carmen's henchmen get knocked out*
Zack: Come on! Those are Carmen's henchmen! Looks like she's back in business, big time!
Ivy: Zack, pull the brake!
Zack: Would you make up your--
Ivy: Look!
Zack: Ah!
Ivy: Whoa!
Zack: Whoaaa! It was nice knowing you!
Zack: "We'll take a gang of jaywalkers! Somebody forgot to floss!"
Ivy: There's not much oxygen in these mines, Zack. Save your breath, huh?
Zack: Why would Carmen break into a Nevada gold mine to steal dynamite? She's never blown up anything before!
Ivy: It doesn't make sense unless she's in the area planning something bigger and she wanted--Zack, we've gotta get out now!
Zack: What's up?
Ivy: Sometimes gases like methane seep out of the ground in these mines, so miners take canaries with them. If the birds passed out, the miners know to get out!
Zack: Sis, that was a trick they used in the old coal mines a hundred years ago. Today they have high-tech electrical methane detectors. Besides, this is a mechanical bird. Hey, I know that tune! It's Mi Caballo Blanco.
Ivy: What's that mean?
Zack: It's a Spanish cowboy song. It means, "My White Horse."
Ivy: What do you want to bet, that's a Carmen clue, and she's headed to Spain right now!
Zack: Oh, perfect, Spain's only about 195,000 square miles. She ought to be easy to find. We'll stand on a chair.
Ivy: Well, where do you suggest we look?
Ivy: You know, it wouldn't hurt to ask for some help on this one, Zack.
Zack: Yeah, maybe an Acme detective with some real horse sense, huh sis?
Ivy: Hey, what about Armando Arguella?
Zack: Player, Armando Arguella is a detective who works in the Argentine office. Could you--whoa!
Armando: Hola, detectives, sorry for the delay.
Zack: Yeah, Armando my man! How's Argentina's coolest cowpoke detective?
Armando: Por favor, Zack, in America you call cowboys cowpokes, but in Argentina, I am the coolest gaucho detective.
Zack, Armando, Ivy: Whoa!
Armando: Huh?
Zack: Could it be we've gone back to the year 1881?
Actor 1: No! Get out of the way! The show's about to start!
Zack: Uh, right, we're out of here.
Actor 1: Everybody wants to get into the act.
Ivy: Cool! It's a reenactment of the famous gunfight! Player, if Carmen's here, we've got to find out what for.
Chief: Biggest thing in Tombstone was the famous gunfight at the O.K. Corral.
Ivy: Huh? Look, one of Carmen's henchmen!
Actors 1 and 2: What the?
Actor 3: Huh?
Carmen: Grab 'em real slow, pardners.
Actors: What?
Ivy: He got away!
Armando: What happened, amigos?
Actor 3: Carmen Sandiego just stole our duds!
Carmen: Ciao, detectives!
Ivy: Here comes the train!
Armando: And here comes the Royal Lipizzaner Stallions!
Zack: Whoa!
Ivy: Hit it! Wow...
Zack: You were right about Carmen picking the Lipizzaners for their grace under fire, Ivy.
Ivy: But what are they blowing up?
Armando: Just sticks of dynamite. It's a diversion to slow the train. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid used to do the same thing.
Various Henchmen: Yeehah!
Henchman: Everybody off the train! Move away from the tracks! This is a robbery, yeehah!
Ivy: Oh my gosh! Carmen's not robbing the passengers, she's stealing the whole Orient Express!
Zack: Come on!
Ivy: Let's split up! I'll look for Carmen, you two guys see if there's a way to stop this thing!
Carmen: Welcome Ivy.
Ivy: Huh?
Carmen: I've planned the perfect old-fasioned robbery using items I stole from around the world. And without using a single one of my high-tech devices.
Ivy: The party's over, Carmen.
Carmen: Saspirilla?
Ivy: What?
Zack: Armando just busted your engineer! And your other henchmen are a little tied up at the moment, too.
Carmen: Well, every step of the way I did manage to prove my point, detectives.
Armando: Ivy, everything's under control! You should've seen me and Zack in action. Did you find Carmen?
Ivy: What do you mean? She's right--
Zack and Armando: Huh?
Ivy: Huh? She's getting away! Come on! There she is! Carmen!
Carmen: Adios amigos, I'm afraid it's time for me to ride off into the sunset.
Armando: I radioed the station to pick up the passengers. As soon as Carmen gets to that point they'll nab her.
Zack: I wouldn't count on it, Armando.
Ivy: Planning the ultimate low-tech Western robbery just for the challenge of it is one thing. But Carmen Sandiego would never get caught without an ace up her sleeve.
Player: You accepted my challenge to try a low-tech crime, Carmen.
Carmen: And you did catch up with me, Player. But you didn't catch me. Adios amigo, until next crime.
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