The Play's The Thing

Episode Synopsis:
After Carmen gets upstaged in a robbery in Hollywood by Lilly Marlane, Carmen decides to get even with the actress by upstaging her in Ireland.


Zack: I still can't believe we're on a real Hollywood movie set, Ivy! Wow, look at all this cool stuff!
Ivy: Zack, we're supposed to be looking for Carmen! CrimeNet said she's after something here tonight.
Zack: Probably Lilly Marlane's autograph. You know, I saw her last movie, Blow Up Everything You See, five times.
Carmen: Anything else, detectives?
Ivy: No thanks.
Zack: Great burgers.

Ivy: Zack, the bill! Carmen Sandiego was the caterer!
Zack: No way we're leaving a tip then.

Lilly Marlane: Don't even try to steal my scene, Carmen!

Lilly Marlane: Nobody upstages Lilly Marlane. Nobody.

Carmen: The key to good acting is mystery. And I had your detectives fooled, Player.
Player: Yeah, but the real star is the one who steals the show. And this time it wasn't you, Carmen.
Carmen: We'll see about that when the final curtain falls.

Zack: Ivy, Lilly Marlane is the greatest actress alive, end of discussion.
Ivy: So become her agent and give it a rest, Zack.
Zack: Well who do you say is the world's best actress, then?
Ivy: Carmen Sandiego?

Stan Dinn/Ace Bandage: Time for a stuntman's best friend--instant Cloud Nine!
Ivy: Hit the deck!

Shakespeare: Those his goodly eyes, now bend, now turn, the office and devotion of their view upon a tawny front.

Shakespeare: To be, or not to be, that is the question.

Zack: Looks like Carmen's been bitten by the showbiz bug. Everything seems to be about actors and stuff, Ivy.

Ivy: Hold it right there, Carmen!
Carmen: Glad to see you could make my opening night, detectives.

Zack: Ivy! Mummy to the rear!

Zack: Ivy, she's on a motorcycle. What are we supposed to do with these?
Ivy: They're bikes. You paddle.

Zack: Carmen stole a makeup kit, and the other part of the clue is about show business. A canal just doesn't fit.
Ivy: Ugh, I have to figure everything out?
Chief: Do you believe these two?

Ivy: I thought Noh theater was a play of dance drama. This looks more like a championship wrestling crowd!

Zack: Ivy! Think of something--fast!
Ivy: I'll go high, you go low!
Zack: I hate this part!

Zack: Hey! These are prop swords! And that's Ace Bandage!
Ace Bandage: We're getting pretty sick of you two bit players always showing up right on cue.

Zack: This really molds my cheese, Ivy. There are nearly 4000 islands in Japan and we have to crash land on one of the volcanoes.
Ivy: Relax, little bro. Mount Fuji hasn't erupted for almost 300 years now.

Henchman: Scene Carmen Sandiego, spot announcement, take one.
Zack: Carmen's taken over our transmitting frequency!
Carmen: I only need one take. Come see Carmen Sandiego in her greatest theft ever. It's only two fins, so don't miss it, detectives.

Ivy: Zack, look! Carmen Sandiego's putting on a show...starring Lilly Marlane?
Zack: I don't get this. Why would Carmen go through all the trouble to steal a makeup kit, those masks, this whole theater--
Ivy: --and then hire Lilly Marlane to star in a play?
Zack: Yeah, I figured Carmen wouldn't be much of a Lilly Marlane fan after she busted up her robbery at the Hollywood sign.

Ivy: Lilly Marlane?!
Carmen: Give me back my mask!
Ivy: But how--?
Carmen: This is the last time I do a show on the road.

Carmen: Now, to show them all that being the world's greatest thief sometimes takes being the world's greatest actress.
Ivy: Let's get her first. Not so fast, Carmen.
Carmen: I invited you to see the performance of a lifetime, not take part in it.

Carmen: Hurry, hurry! You wouldn't want to miss my final bow.

Zack: Check it out. Carmen became an actress and Lilly became a thief.
Ivy: What do you mean?
Zack: There she is, stealing the applause Carmen's earned. And the world will never know.

Player: My detectives beat you out of your big moment, huh Carmen?
Carmen: Don't get too cocky, Player. I'm thinking of making a comeback. And next time I'll steal more than the show!


Actual text of Act I, Scene I of Shakespeare's Anthony and Cleopatra:

Nay, but this dotage of our general's
O'erflows the measure: those his goodly eyes,
That o'er the files and musters of the war
Have glow'd like plated Mars, now bend, now turn,
The office and devotion of their view
Upon a tawny front: his captain's heart,
Which in the scuffles of great fights hath burst
The buckles on his breast, reneges all temper,
And is become the bellows and the fan
To cool a gipsy's lust.


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