Rules of the Game
Episode Synopsis:
Carmen wants to play the biggest chess game with life-sized game pieces...literally.
Carmen: From one great lady to another, Catherine, let's go play in a warmer climate for a while, shall we?
Russian Officer: {So, Catherine has many admirers, even a thief like you, Carmen.}
Player: This time I'm coming out ahead, Carmen.
Carmen: It's not whether you win or lose the game, Player, but how much fun you can make it for me while we play. I have the statue, now it's your move.
Zack: So yeah, I'm kinda chilling here in Tahiti, you know, doing the old vacation thing--Hey!
Ivy: Real smooth, Romeo.
Chief: Why so glum, beach blanket?
Zack: I just geeked out with the best looking girls in Tahiti, Chief.
Chief: Hey, don't sweat the small stuff, Zack. You'll meet plenty of other girls.
Ivy: Maybe not on this planet, but--
Zack: Hey, I've seen--
Chief: Alright, alright, back to business, you two.
Ivy: Do I detect a Catherine-the-Great theme developing, Chief?
Chief: Well, that's what you and the Dateless Wonder here are going to find out.
Zack: Oh, yeah, real nice.
Chief: And I've arranged for a Russian detective to help you on this one.
Zack: We're on it, Chief. Oh, and uh, this is for the last wisecrack.
Ivy: Whoa!
Zack: Ack! Ah...I hate this.
Tatiana: {Are you alright?}
Zack: Yeah, the ice broke my fall.
Tatiana: I'm Tatiana from the Acme Detective Agency in Moscow.
Zack: I'm...uh...uh...
Ivy: Oh, Zack.
Zack: Yeah, Zack!
Tatiana: Come, I brought some warmer coats for you both.
Zack: Yes! Thank you, Chief!
Zack: Heh, that's such an exotic name. Tatiana!
Ivy: Mm-hm. Mind on the case, little bro.
Tatiana: Zack, I am very impressed!
Ivy: You'll change your tune once you see him open a bottle of soda. It's not a pretty sight.
Zack: Uh, yeah, I love you too, Ivy.
Zack: If I didn't know better, with all this fog, I'd say we were in London, not China.
Tatiana: You hear that?
Zack: Don't be afraid. Ah!
Ivy: What in the world was that?
Tatiana: I don't know. But here it comes again!
Ivy: Ah!
Zack: Let's get out of here!
*Zack trips*
Zack: Ack! My foot's stuck! Come on!
Tatiana: Zack!
Zack: Aah!
Tatiana: Zack!
Ivy: Zack!
Tatiana: Your brother Zack is so...um, how do you say it in English?
Ivy: Mm...desperate to impress you?
Tatiana: Well, I was thinking brave, but...
Ivy: Trust me, the word is desperate.
Henchman 1: What was that?
Henchman 2: Let's check it out.
Zack: Ack! Uh oh.
Henchman 2: It's one of those Acme detectives.
Ivy: Wrong, muscle mouth. It's three of those Acme detectives!
Henchman 1: So? You're first. Catch!
Ivy: Huh?
Henchman 2: And you're next.
Zack: Come on! We can follow the tracks!
Ivy: Or better yet, we can follow these clues!
Zack: {Thank you. We will catch Carmen Sandiego.}
Tatiana: Ivy, do you think Zack is cute?
Ivy: Ha! Yeah, and formica is edible. Come on, he's my brother.
Chief: Hot tip, gumshoes! This just in from CrimeNet! Carmen's pulling off another robbery!
Ivy: In Bavaria, Chief?
Chief: Well, aren't we just the teacher's pet, hm? She and her henchmen were spotted near the most photographed castle in Europe.
Tatiana: That's the famous castle Neuschwanstein!
Zack: Player, C-5 us to Bavaria, Germany! And hold the sauerkraut.
Ivy: Hey, the C-5's working great! That's two out of two direct hits.
Zack: Uh, Ivy, if this is a direct hit, and this is Neuschwanstein, then what's that?
Tatiana: That's Neuschwanstein! And there's a turrent missing!
Henchman: Because you're in it!
Carmen: So glad you could make it.
Zack: What's your game this time, Carmen?
Carmen: One we can play out completely, now that you're here, detectives.
Carmen: Give me your hand.
Ivy: Never!
Carmen: Don't be so childish, Ivy, I'm trying to help you.
Ivy: I'll take care of myself!
Zack: This is an Albatross D3, the same kind of plane the Red Baron flew in World War I!
Tatiana: Well, yes, you know how to fly it right?
Ivy: Help! I'm slipping!
Carmen: Ivy, give me your hand!
Zack: I'm coming, sis, I'm coming!
Ivy: Ah! I can't hold--ah!
Carmen: Ivy!
Zack: Uh, Ivy? Got a little item to add to our expense account.
Ivy: But what on earth is Carmen up to?
Zack: So far she's stolen a castle tower--
Tatiana: --a statue of the Empress of Russia--
Ivy: --and 16 Chinese foot soldiers.
Zack: What's up, Chief?
Chief: Hot tip, gumshoes! In the last 12 hours, there's been a rash of other robberies linked to Carmen's henchmen. What do you think for a robbery rash? Anyway, three more castle turrets have vanished, suits of armor from the Victoria and Albert museum in London, bishop statues from the Vatican and Rome, and check this out, the entire courtyard from the Citadel Military School in Charleston, South Carolina!
Zack: Whoa! Chief, montage scan the stolen items all at once!
Ivy: It looks like a chess set!
Zack: Check and mate, sis! That's why Carmen's been giving us clues in the disguise of games. She wants to play the world's biggest chess game!
Chief: Ooh, I am impressed. Now, if you can just bust this clue she messengered to the Agency, maybe you can nab her once and for all.
*Carmen's clue arrives*
Chief: C-5 Express. When absolutely, positively have to bust a clue--overnight.
Zack: Yes! Tatiana, I could kiss you! Huh?
Tatiana: Oh, I never kiss on the first case.
Ivy: Oh, please.
Carmen: Welcome, detectives. You've been my most worthy adversaries. I know you'll give me a good game.
Ivy: Somehow Carmen's managed to magnetize the board and make us part of the game!
Zack: Hey, I only play if it's winner-take-all, Carmen.
Carmen: I wouldn't have it any other way. Now, let the game begin. Pawn G2 to G4.
Ivy: Zack, make a move that gets one of your knights down here near us.
Zack: Pawn B7 to B5. Ivy, I can beat her! I know I can!
Carmen: Bishop F1 to G2.
Ivy: This is no time to show off, Zack!
Zack: Knight B8 to C6.
Carmen: Pawn D2 to D3.
Zack: Pawn D7 to D5.
Ivy: Oh!
*Ivy knocks out the machine magnetizing the board*
Ivy: Come on, let's go checkmate Carmen!
Zack: Oh, I could've beat her!
Ivy: Wouldn't you know. We got last year's model.
Zack: So what do we do now?
Ivy: Paddle.
Zack: I could've beat her--I could have!
Ivy: So, Zack, now that Tatiana's going home, is there something you wanted to ask her?
Zack: Uh...yeah! Hey Tatiana, if I ever come to Russia, you think maybe you and me--HEY!
Ivy and Tatiana: *laughs*
Zack: Hey, you shook it, Ivy, you shook it!
Player: You planned a winner-take-all match, and my detectives beat you, Carmen.
Carmen: Ah, but we never really got to play. Looks like a stalemate until next crime, Player.
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