Willow Quotes


First Season

"Well, when Iím with a boy, I like, itís hard for me to say anything cool or witty or at all. I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away."

"Does anybody mind if I pass out?"

"Why couldnít he have been possessed by a puppy, or some ducks?"

"What's it like where you are?"

"Once again, I've been banished to the demon section of the card catalog."

Second Season

"Why are you suddenly so worried about looking like an idiot? That came out wrong."

"The reflection thing that you don't have...Angel, how do you shave?"

"Oh, I don't get wild. Wild on me equals spaz."

"Uh, Angel, if I say something you really don't want to hear, do you promise not to bite me?"

"Sore thumbs. Do they stick out? I mean, have you ever seen a thumb and gone, 'Wow! That baby is sore!'?"

"I'm not gonna' get close enough to feel his pulse, but...he looks dead."

"Hey!!! We don't have time for this, our friends are in trouble. Now we have to put our heads together and, and get them out of it. And if you two aren't with me a hundred and ten percent, then get the hell out of my library!"

"My God, you people are all...well, I'm upset and I can't think of a mean word right now, but that's what you are and we're going to the factory!"

"I knew it! I knew it! Well, not 'knew it' in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know! You two were fighting way too much, it's not natural!"

"Let's get this straight. I don't understand it. I don't wanna' understand it. You have gross emotional problems. And things are not okay between us."

"Giles, shut up."

"Great, I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh yeah, 1-800-IM-DATING-A-SKANKY-HO."

"Well, last night was the night before the full moon, traditionally known as...the night before the full moon."

"Oz and I are in some sort of holding pattern, except without the holding, or...anything else."

"I can't figure him out. He's so hot and cold, or lukewarm and cold."

"He-he said he was going through all these changes, then...he went through all these...changes!"

"I shot Oz!"

"Oz has his cool hair today. I think I'm a groupie!"

"Don't be so jumpy. I've been in your bed before."

"Oh wait. What if they don't recognize my authority? What if they try to convince me that you always let them leave class early? What if there's a fire drill? What if there's a fire?!"

"Will I have the power to assign detention, or make 'em run laps?!"

"Sorry, I have to talk to her. She's a teacher, and teachers are to be respected, even if they're only filling in until the real teacher shows up, because otherwise chaos could ensue."

"Frogs, frogs! Get them off of me! Oh my god, frogs! Get them off of me! Please, help! Get them off! Frogs! Frogs! Oh my god, they're everywhere! Frogs!"

"You came. You saw. You rejected."

"Xander? What happened? Did Cordelia win another round in the broom closet?"

"I'll crack him like an egg."

"So, you delved into the black arts, and conjured up a hellbeast from the ocean's depths to wreak your vengeance. Didn't you?"

"The trick is not to leave any marks."

"I will get you through this semester if I have to sweat blood."

"You can learn this real easily, but if you're just gonna' give up, then don't waste my time."

"Okay, somebody explain the whole 'He will suck the whole world into Hell' thing 'cause that's the part I'm not loving."

"My head...feels big. Is it big?"

"I mean, I don't feel good, but...I'm awake, and I know my name, and who's president, and how many fingers, so they don't think my brain got mushed at all."

"There's no use arguing with me. Do you see my resolve face? You've seen it before, you know what it means."

Third Season

"That's right, big boy. Come and get it!"

"He's getting away, and....owww"

"Well, the slayer always says a pun or a witty play on words and I think it throws the vampires off and it makes them frightened because I'm wisecracking...okay, I didn't really have a chance to work on that one, but you try it everytime."

"I'm going to be busy, but only til three, and that's when you usually get up."

"We've still got some glitches in the system...like vampires getting away, but I think we're improving."

"Well, we try not to die. That's our whole mission statement: Don't Get Killed."

"I mean, I'm not a full fledged witch, that takes years. I just did a couple peagan blessings and a tiny glamour to hide a zit."

"I tried to communicate with the spirit world. I so wasn't ready for that. It's like being pulled apart inside. Plus, I blew the power for the whole block!"

(Okay, this is a Willow & Buffy conversation, but it was funny, so I had to put it up. It's there insult war at the end of "Deadman's Party")
WILLOW:Runaway!
BUFFY: Will!
WILLOW:I'm sorry....quitter.
BUFFY: Whiner.
WILLOW:Bailer
BUFFY: Harpy
WILLOW: Delinquint
BUFFY: Tramp
WILLOW: Bad seed
BUFFY: Witch
WILLOW:Freak.

"It's the freedom. As seniors, we can go off campus now for lunch. It's no longer 'cutting'. It's legal. Heck, its expected. Oh, it's also a big step forward. A senior moment. One that has to be savored. You can't just rush into this, you know? Whoa.."

"What if they change the rule without telling? What if they're laying in wait to arrest me and throw me in detention and mar my unblemished record?"

"Ooh. Scott Hope at eleven o'clock. He likes you. He wanted to ask you out last year, but you weren't ready then. But I think you're ready now, or at least in a state of pre-readiness to make conversation. Or to do that thing with your mouth that boys like..oh! I didn't mean that bad thing with your mouth. I meant that little half smile thing."

"That's not what making out sounds like....unless I'm doing it wrong."

"I've been at Mr. Donut since the TV did that snowy thing. How come you're Wakey Girl? I mean, this time it's not your boyfriend whose the cold blodded....Jelly donut?

"You have to help me pick an outfit. I wanna wear something that makes Oz go 'Oh'."

"Hi. How are you? You good? You look good. Anything new? Did I mention you look good?"

"Sometimes, when you're falling to pieces your mouth..it just...it does the sweetest thing."

"This is not normal. Er-Maybe that goes without saying"

"'Kiss Rocks'? Why would anyone want to kiss....Oh. I get it."

"Have a seat...except we don't have any seats."

"You were scared, you kept a secret, you know. It's okay. I mean, secrets aren't bad, you know. They're normal. Better than normal, they're good. Secrets are good. Must be a reason why we keep them, right?"

"Shut up and help me."

"It's a very intimate situation. It's all sexy with the smoke, and sweating, and shoe rental..."

"You were really brave. Do you need to barf?"

"Oz hasn't been to his locker. There may be books in there that he needs, but still he doesn't come!"

"Being Jewish. Remember, people? Not everybody worships Santa!"

"It's good. It's perfect, in an ackward, uncomfortable sort of way."

"Makes me grateful that my moms not interested in my extra-curricular activities....or my currictular activites."

"Yeah, it just a sudden whim I had...in August."

"Mom, I'm not an age-group. I'm me. Willow-group."

"I worship Bealizabub. I do his bidding. Do you see any goats around here? No, because I sacrificed them!"

"I went to "Snoopy on Ice" when I was little. My dad took me backstage and I got so scared I threw up on Woodstalk."

Now, when you say fired, do you mean....fired?

""Yeah, I'm fine. The shaking is just a side effect of the fear."

"Yeah, it went good. Nothing melted like last time."

"Rejection I can handle 'cause of the years of training, but this..."

"Chemistrys easy. Its a lot like witchcraft, except less newt."

"Test. Remember? The thing you didn't come over to study for?"

"Minty fresh protection."

"Well, it exactly anything he said, it was all in his eyes....I mean, there was some nostral work, but mostly eyes."

"I'm eating this now. Its not lunchtime. Don't even care."

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got someone elses homework to do."

"Its really nice that you guys miss me. Say, you all didn't happen to do a bunch of drugs, did ya?"

"Of the two people here, which is the boss of me?"

Fourth Season

"In high school, knowledge was pretty much frowned upon. You really had to work to learn anything. But here, the energy...the collective intelligence...it's like this force, this penetrating force and I can just feel my mind opening up, you know, and letting this place thrust into and spurt knowledge into....that sentence sended up in a different place that it started out in."

"Bufy wouldn't just take off. That's just not in her nature....except for that one time she took off for several months and changed her name....."

"Did we not put the 'grrrr' in 'girl'?"

"Good thinking 'cause in the middle of the night, those toenails could of attacked you and left little half-moon marks all over your body."

Giles, I just talked to Buffy and, yeah, I think she's a little insane....no, not bitchy crazy, more like homicidal maniac crazy. So, I told her to come see you, 'kay?"

"Buffy's looking at Parker, who, as it turns out, has a reflection, so big plus there."

"Band-aid. Now. Thank you."

"She just made me so mad. 'My boyfriend's gonne beat you up!'"

(for this quote, everything in italics is Willow mocking Varuca and everything in bold is her mocking Oz.)
"'My name's Varuna. I'm in a band.' 'I'm Oz. I'm in a band too. Oh, and this is Willow.' 'Oh, how fun. A groupie.' Groupie! Buff, have you heard of this Varuca? Dresses like Faith. Voice like a albatross."

"The only thing you're thinking about is how long before you can jump on my bones!"

"I mean, you men! It's all about the sex. Find a woman, drag her to your den, do whatever's necessary...just as long as you get the sex. I tell ya, men haven't changed since the dawn of time."

"How'd you do? This is good! I mean, this is excellent! You did better than me! This is so unfair! You made me jealous of you academically! Buffy!"

"Okay, say that I hel you and you start a conversation and it goes great. You like Buffy, she likes you. You spend time together. Feelings grow deeper and one day, without even realizing it, you find you're in love. Time stops and it feels like the whole world is made for you two and you two alone. Until the day one of you leave and rips the still-beating heart from the other - whose now a broken, hollow mockery of the human condition."

"I've seen honest haves before. They're usually attached to liars."

Okay, this is Willow and Spike, but it was too good to not put up!
SPIKE: I don't understand. This sort of thing has never happened to me before.
WILLOW: Maybe you were nervous.
SPIKE: I felt alright when it started. Let's try again
(he tries to bite her twice, but can't do it)
SPIKE: Dammit!
WILLOW: Maybe you're trying too hard. Doesn't this happen to every vampire?
SPIKE: Not to me, it doesn't!
WILLOW: It's me, isn't it?
SPIKE: What are you talking about?
WILLOW: Well, you come looking for Buffy, and settle. You didn't want to bite me. I just happened to be around.
SPIKE: Piffle!
WILLOW: I know I'm not the kind of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into. It's always 'Oh, you're like a sister to me' or 'Oh, you're such a good friend'.
SPIKE: Don't be ridiculas. I'd bite you in a heartbeat.
WILLOW: Really?
SPIKE: Thought about it.
WILLOW: When?
SPIKE: Remember last year? You had on that fuzzy pink number with the lilac underneath.
WILLOW: I never would have guessed. You played the bloodlust kinda cool.
SPIKE: I hate being obvious. All fangy and 'grrr'. Takes the mystery out.
WILLOW: But if you could....
SPIKE: If I could....yeah.
WILLOW: You know, this doesn't make ya any less terrifying.
SPIKE: Don't patronize me.

"You're not going to jokey-rhyme your way out of this."

"She cut off her ear, then killed herself, then dumped the body - I'm really off my game, aren't I?"

"Well, I'm just going to let you two....Look! They're selling coffee in the coffee shop. Yum!"

"I happen to think mine is the levelhead and yours is the one things would roll off of!"

"I feel like I've been split down the center and half of me is lost."

"I'm sorry. I'll try for a quiet rage"

"Look. Cookies. A very not evil thing I did."

"Eat a cookie, ease my guilt"

"These was so much blood and there was a symbol....and Percy said I was a nerd!"

"...and I haven't been a nerd for a very long time. Hello! Dating a guitarist...or I was..."

"You were just passing by...in your G.I. Joe outfit?"

"Oh. I forgot. That's what you always do on the days when the earth rotates."

"Tell you what. You two crazy kids take down an unstopable killer demon hybred thingy and we'll call it even"

"Ass-kicking makes a solid Plan B"

"Don't worry. We're sure to spot Faith first. She's like this cleavagy, slut bomb walking around going 'Oh, check me out. I'm wicked cool. I'm 5X5'"

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