**
"Nothing left to lose ... And you give yourself away ... And you give yourself away"
From U2's "With or Without You"
**
I cracked a ghost of a smile. "I was just going to say that."
Lucky didn't seem to hear me. "Maybe you shouldn't be here." His words would be seared on my brain forever. But I felt nothing but cold.
"Why not?" The words slipped from my tongue before I could stop them. I closed my eyes tightly and my head leaned back as I tried not to cry.
"Elizabeth-"
"Nevermind," I cut in. "I'm going."
I knew my voice was defeated, but I couldn't help it. I pushed my aching body through the window. My feet slipped a little when they hit the roof. The air was so cold that it stole my breath.
Once again the brilliant Elizabeth had forgotten her coat.
My hands were numb with cold. I braced myself on the outside wall.
Lucky appeared at the window. "Elizabeth, wait!"
I couldn't let myself listen to him. I sat down on the freezing roof and started to slide myself toward the trellis, using my heels to pull me forwards and my hands behind me to hang on. A loose shingle skittered away from me and fell from the roof.
"Elizabeth!" I heard from behind me.
I felt a pinprick of wetness on my cheek and looked up from where I sat on the roof's edge.
It was snowing.
I felt movement behind me and strong arms closed around my waist. The roof wasn't the roof anymore. In a split-second, I was back to twenty-four hours ago, struggling against the odds of my winning, with raw fear choking my throat.
I screamed.
I was pulled and then thrown backwards. The wind was knocked out of me and pain jolted through my body when I landed.
Inside and on top of another body.
I couldn't breath. I didn't know what to do. I struggled to get up, but my movements were sluggish.
Lucky was on his knees at my side. He gripped my shoulders.
"You're freezing!" he exclaimed. His hands moved down my arms to my hands and he began rubbing vigorously. "Where's your coat?"
"I don't know." I started to shake and sob uncontrollably. "At home?" I couldn't believe I was losing it again.
"Hey, hey, easy," Lucky tried to soothe me. He worked with fast precision at the same time. "Calm down."
Was he talking to himself or me?
He yanked the comforter off the bed and wrapped it around me in a quick bear hug. He came back to my hands.
"What do I do for hypothermia? Frostbite?"
He stood up and scooped me into his arms, blanket and all. He jogged across the hall into the bathroom and sat me on the countertop. Lucky ran water from the faucet and tested it with his hand before thrusting both my hands under it. It was only lukewarm.
"How are your feet?" I guessed he was asking himself, because he bent and pulled off my shoes immediately.
Come to think of it, I couldn't feel my feet.
Lucky turned to the tub and flipped the water on. When the tub was partly full, he picked me up off of the counter and stood me in it.
"Hot drink," he muttered to himself. I watched in fascination as he ran from the room.
He'd left the water running.
My jeans were wet up to my calves. And the water was still rising. Lucky was back in thirty seconds flat, bearing a steaming cup.
"Drink this," he ordered, handing over the cup. I waved off some of the steam.
"But-"
"Just drink it." I obeyed without another word.
The hot liquid -- tea -- burned my mouth at first, but it did the trick. Warmth seeped through my bones. My legs turned to Jell-O and I sat down in the tub with a splash.
Lucky leapt to rescue me but he was too late. He flipped off the water.
I sat perfectly still and watched him assess the situation. I was completely wet. Lucky sat down on the toilet and put his head in his hands.
I couldn't look at him. What must he think of me now? Elizabeth Webber: girl who goes off without her coat and cries on a whim.
I felt sick. Again. It hurt to think.
A feather-light touch on my shoulder made me look up. His face was unreadable.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "Here, let me help you."
Lucky reached out for me and pulled me up and into his arms. Now we were both wet. He stepped over the blanket that had ended up on the floor.
The darkness of Lucky's room was in direct contrast to the sharp lights of the bathroom. It took me a few seconds to adjust my eyes.
"Here, now." His voice was soft. Almost tender. He sat me on the bed. I inhaled sharply. I had to know it was bad when a soft mattress hurt me.
**
Lucky stood staring out the window. His silhouette was dark, or darker than anything else in the room.
I was dressed in the same sweatpants Lucky had given me once before, and a NYU sweatshirt that swallowed me whole. Lucky had left the room after handing me the clothes. He brought back two thick blankets after a few minutes and wrapped me up on top of his bed. I noticed his wet things had been removed in favor of flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt. He had been almost cool toward me when he had returned to the room.
Now he stood at the window. I knew what distance felt like, and what was between us now was comparable to the Grand Canyon.
"Lucky," I said. He whirled and took a step forward.
"Yeah." His voice was a little raw.
"Lucky, what happened?"
He forced a smile. I could tell it was forced. "Nothing. What happened to you?"
I frowned. "Nothing."
"Don't give me that-"
"Give you what?" I asked, exasperated beyond belief, but too tired to raise my voice. "The same kind of crap you're trying to feed me? Lucky-"
"Please, don't-" he asked in a strangled voice. "Not tonight."
"Then, what tonight?" I asked.
"Just sleep."
I shook my head. He moved closer, until he was right next to the bed.
"Please."
His voice was hurting so badly that I couldn't say no.
End Ch 14.