V. Ardanowski
The Outback Grill
Port Charles, NY
555-XXXX (as an ex-officer of the law, it's imperative
to keep my number confidential in case any perps get ahold of
this resume)
You can also contact me via email of my friend, Meg mbergen@freewwweb.com
Please no spam - if it is received you will be prosecuted
to the full extent of the law.
Experience:
October, 1998 - Present - L&B Records, Assistant.
- Determining ways to improve the fiscal status of L&B
records, including trying to convince Ned Ashton (A.K.A. Eddie
Maine) to resume singing.
- Recently booked the group, Chicago, to play at The Outback
Grill
April 22, 1998 - October, 1998 - Police Commissioner Mac
Scorpio's Special Detective Task Force.
Duties include but are not limited to:
- Surveillance on one Jerry Jacks, trying to ascertain what
nefariously evil intent he has towards his beloved brother Jasper
Jax.
- Soothing ruffled feathers of one Stefan Cassadine, while
under lock and key in the Port Charles Jail for allegedly using
his 18th century, antique, extremely valuable letter opener to
chisel away at the railing on his parapet at Windemere so that
his fiancee would accidentlyonpurpose stroll up said walkway
and fall off, biting the dust on impeccably manicured Spoon Island
Grounds.
- Watched Commissioner Scorpio's soon to be step-children,
while he and his almost fiancee, Felicia Jones, toyed once again
to tell everyone that they really aren't actually getting married,
even though the invitations have all been sent out and everyone
is planning to attend, including Lucy Coe and her alleged murder
suspect fiance, Kevin Collins who have decided it is in the best
interests of everyone to have a double wedding, together with
Mac and Felicia. Note: Due to Jasper Jax's and my help they were
married after all.
August 21, 1998 - April 22, 1998 - Personal Assistant
to Jasper Jax, formerly alleged drug dealer, former Corporate
Raider and owner of the now defunct J&J Jacks of Alaska, Jax
was falsely accused of racketeering and the company was seized).
Duties include, but are not limited to:
- Typing
- Filing
- Title searches,
- Travel to beach front cottages to take boss's mind off of
dearly departed mini-model's wedding to mobster
- Listening to Mr. Jacks trying to understand the mind workings
of dearly departed mini-model when wedding goes kaput
- Extensive phone work including calling t.v. stations to bribe
and otherwise coerce them into not airing tape of dearly departed
mini-models alleged tripod breakdown
- Running company while Mr. Jacks single-handedly rescues dearly
departed mini-model from Psychiatric Ward and follows her around
to grave site epiphanies.
- Accounts payable including a significantly large bill for
graham crackers, chocolate bars, and marshmallows
August 21 - August 21, 1997 - Wait person at Outback
Grill.
Duties included:
- Taking orders (impeccably)
- Adjusting said orders to more appropriately fit the dietary
considerations of the United States Nutrition Code
- Guiding clientele to abide by the menu selections of the
Grill
- Laid off due to my over exuberant attention to detail, not
to mention the amount of glassware that accidentally broke under
my supervision
July - August 1997 Suspended from PCSD.
Snuck aboard private jet to trail alleged drug smuggler, ended
up stranded on atoll where my survival skills and my lovely SOS
sign were the key to a prompt rescue. Joined up with alleged drug
smuggler (he didn't really do it) to track and re-capture escaped
felon and mini-model Brenda Barrett and her mobster boyfriend,
Michael "Sonny" Corinthos Jr.
Skills I utilized included:
- Undercover disguise (Rat Farm employee)
- Acting skills (accident victim who stumbled onto the den
of killers)
- Hostage negotiation
- Martial arts (kick boxing, some jujitsu)
- Night-time search techniques.
Procedure was successful, real killer was apprehended, but
expired during chase, upon my return to PC, I was relieved of
all duties permanently due to budgetary considerations.
May - July 1997 State Trooper
- Primary task was to trail alleged drug smuggler, 24/7
- bringing scones
- his dry cleaning
- Providing my own insight and investigative skills to his
search for the real murderer of Pierce Dorman.
Hobbies:
I am currently learning the fine art of baccarat in an attempt
to help my former boss, who was falsely accused of racketeering,
to rebuild his fortune.
In my spare time I like to dust wine glasses for fingerprints
in order to prove my landlord is actually a double who has kidnapped
my actual landlord and switched places, kidnap said double, drug
said double and keep him under wraps, illegally wiretap his partner,
attempt to talk my boss out of sleeping with skinny super-model
(code name: Bones), re-arrange my boss' schedule in order to allow
dearly mini-model greater access to him (since he'll never notice
me).
I'm also an artist and in the past have done some extra undercover
work trying to find out who is attempting to murder my former
boss, and to search out a dummy corporation to ascertain if they
were behind the plot.
References available upon request.
Back to my Page
Many Thanks
to Val for writing this wonderful resume for me (Slightly revised
by Meg due to my many jobs recently). You can email comments,
praise, and job offers to vbeadle@caltel.com